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The Offical Elevator Rant!....Goddammit!

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Demien2k5

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PEOPLE!

In North America, South America, Europe, Australia and most of Asia, there are only TWO simple rules of etiquette where use of of public elevators is concerned:

1. In the name of all that is Holy, wait to fart until AFTER you've exited the car. PLEASE! I'm begging you....

2. When you're standing there in the hall and waiting for the car to arrive, when the doors finally do open, FUCKING WAIT UNTIL EVERYONE HAS EXITED THE CAR BEFORE CHARGING HEAD DOWN AT MACH 4 THROUGH THE EXITING THRONG /INDIVIDUALS TO SECURE THAT MUCH TREASURED SPOT IN THE BACK!

I have finally reached my limit of putting up with assholes who are so self-indulgent, self-important, and self-asbsorbed who come driving into me in a big rush to get on before I've even taken a step outwards towards the door. I've now taken to straight-arming these shitheads before they can crash into me, men and woman alike, age, race, color, creed or ethnic background irrespective right in the chest and backing them up out of my way. If you're too fucking stupid to know as a modern day adult how to make use of a public elevator, you don't deserve my respect or courtesy and you WILL pay a price.

Is it just ME!? or is anyone else plagued with this massive epidemic of social dysfunction! :-x

Sorry for the rant, but I actually fell victim to this yet again today, twice, by the same fucking dude in the same fucking elevator - and he's actually a judge working out of the building where I have some clients. Both times he was stunned that he got backed up, and both times I told him to pull his head out of his ass. It ain't your personal elevator, so show some FUCKING RESPECT> Security dudes right outside the elevators were shitting their pants laughing....I just don't find it funny anymore, and am formally declaring war on North America's "Elevator Taliban".
 
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I hear you my friend! Some people have no brains ( Never used ) and some people are just ignorant fucks! These morons will never learn to live with HUMANS, So save your breath, they don't get it. Couple weeks ago i was about to punch one of those morons in the elevator!
 
A lot of people are self absorbed in this city, D. You've got a green light to take them out collateral damage notwithstanding.

Reminds me of a story. I was in an elevator with a buddy as we were going up to the 10th floor. He released a violent evil fart as we stopped on the 3rd floor then calmly got out - leaving me and the toxic fumes to greet the three women who got on. My friends are generally assholes.
 
Yep, I agree. Last week, I had the misfortune to be in an office elevator with 10 other people when one of them without warning let one rip and it filled the entire elevator. I had to hold my breath for the nine floor ride down to the lobby and when the elevator finally stopped, and the doors finally opened, it was a mad dash to get out.
 
Yes, the old elevator fart, priceless yet very hard to accomplish without having sensitive anal control. The proper elevator fart must be accomplished in stealth mode, no squeakers or held back cannon shots must be heard by the unsuspecting captive riders. The ass cheeks must release with the slightest of whispers but the erroneous gas must punch the unsuspecting nostrils with a force similar to being hit in the nose by Muhammad Ali.
 
olayda said:
Reminds me of a story. I was in an elevator with a buddy as we were going up to the 10th floor. He released a violent evil fart as we stopped on the 3rd floor then calmly got out - leaving me and the toxic fumes to greet the three women who got on. My friends are generally assholes.
Click to expand...

That's actually kind of funny to tell the truth...:p

Guido said:
Yes, the old elevator fart, priceless yet very hard to accomplish without having sensitive anal control. The proper elevator fart must be accomplished in stealth mode, no squeakers or held back cannon shots must be heard by the unsuspecting captive riders. The ass cheeks must release with the slightest of whispers but the erroneous gas must punch the unsuspecting nostrils with a force similar to being hit in the nose by Muhammad Ali.
Click to expand...

Me thinks you've given this a bit too much thought to be healthy...:p

Zombie said:
I like letting a juicy wet sounding fart out in an elevator and then looking at the person standing next to me in disgust ... hahahahahahaha
Click to expand...

Um....
 
Guido said:
Yes, the old elevator fart, priceless yet very hard to accomplish without having sensitive anal control. The proper elevator fart must be accomplished in stealth mode, no squeakers or held back cannon shots must be heard by the unsuspecting captive riders. The ass cheeks must release with the slightest of whispers but the erroneous gas must punch the unsuspecting nostrils with a force similar to being hit in the nose by Muhammad Ali.
Click to expand...

Maybe you can suggest some sort of excercises that can be done to ensure proper silencer execution?:lol:
 
Zombie said:
I like letting a juicy wet sounding fart out in an elevator and then looking at the person standing next to me in disgust ... hahahahahahaha
Click to expand...

If you were in an elevator with me and did that, I'd view it as personal assault and likely push all your teeth down your throat for you. But hey, that's just me...hahahahahahhahahahaha
 
olayda said:
Reminds me of a story. I was in an elevator with a buddy as we were going up to the 10th floor. He released a violent evil fart as we stopped on the 3rd floor then calmly got out - leaving me and the toxic fumes to greet the three women who got on.
Click to expand...

Classic!!!! :lol:
 
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