All In

[SillyGirl]

So I've been divorced for 11 years, after a 19yr marriage. In those 11 years I have used many men like sex toys,pauses to reminisce about the Fuck Buddies thread had one semi-serious relationship and two serious relationships, and now I find myself in something I never expected.

I want to marry him. No one is more surprised by this than I am.

Remarrying would have a chilling effect on my future financial situation, so I won't do it. But it's freaking me out that I want to.

I find it terrifying to want to trust someone that much, that deep. All In. The whole thing...live together, blend families, all of it. Make long-term plans and actually believe they will happen.

I'm not even sure I'm capable of all that. Am I nuts?

 

[papasmerf]

Na
You are just human

 

[demien3k5]

You sound like you have a ton of negative, unresolved baggage you carry around with you. You're probably doing him a bigger favor than yourself by not marrying him. Stick with that decision. After that, the rest is unimportant.

 

[papasmerf]

Wow

 

[SillyGirl]

You sound like you have a ton of negative, unresolved baggage you carry around with you.

Gosh. You don't sound that way at all, so I'm impressed with your level of insight. Have we met?

You're probably doing him a bigger favor than yourself by not marrying him. Stick with that decision. After that, the rest is unimportant.

The rest of what?

 

[demien3k5]

Gosh. You don't sound that way at all, so I'm impressed with your level of insight. Have we met?

This thread isn't about me though, is it? It wasn't me that publicly posted something intimate that would most likely be heard quite frequently by a mental health professional, spoken by the patient on his/her therapy couch.

Re-read what you wrote. It screams 'I'm a chick in her early fifties with massive unresolved relationship issues who is suddenly going through a mid-life crisis brought on by the unexpected, unconditional love of a good man! My life is falling apart because I can't rationalize why I feel this way!'

This being the case, I'd stick with my original advice - don't marry him, or pursue any serious commitments with him for that matter, until you sort out your issues. To pursue something serious with what seems like a very high probability of you flaking out on the guy at the moment of truth would be sooo selfish and unfair. Believe it or not, the old 'It's not you, it's me!' line really is just a big pile of horseshit that people who can't cope with adult relationships use to excuse their own bad behavior and lack of good judgement after the fact.

 

[papasmerf]

Oh boy

 

[SillyGirl]

This thread isn't about me though, is it? It wasn't me that publicly posted something intimate that would most likely be heard quite frequently by a mental health professional, spoken by the patient on his/her therapy couch.

Venting around here has kept me off the couch more than once. Sometimes typing things through helps me figure things out. If you find it bothersome, you could just not read my posts.

Re-read what you wrote. It screams 'I'm a chick in her early fifties with massive unresolved relationship issues who is suddenly going through a mid-life crisis brought on by the unexpected, unconditional love of a good man! My life is falling apart because I can't rationalize why I feel this way!'

Did I really seem all that dramatic? It's hardly a crisis, and my life is far from falling apart.

I'm sure I'm not the only one here who has found themselves in deeper than they expected, and who had moments when it was scary.

You are right that it bothers me when something can't be rationalized. I like it when things make sense.

This being the case, I'd stick with my original advice - don't marry him, or pursue any serious commitments with him for that matter, until you sort out your issues. To pursue something serious with what seems like a very high probability of you flaking out on the guy at the moment of truth would be sooo selfish and unfair. Believe it or not, the old 'It's not you, it's me!' line really is just a big pile of horseshit that people who can't cope with adult relationships use to excuse their own bad behavior and lack of good judgement after the fact.

Being scared about this isn't going to stop me from doing it. There is absolutely zero probability of my walking away from this man.

I won't marry him, though. Even though I want to.

 

[demien3k5]

In all honesty, I really don't have any problems with what you wrote, and my answers weren't and aren't intended to be taken as negative or critical in any way. My apologies if it comes off that way. I really am only providing one man's honest pov response to your comments. I realize I don't have all the facts, so am just going off what you've posted...

FWIW I hope things work out completely seamlessly for you and your guy, and that you both find a way to live and love together drama free for many years to come. You sound like you could use something ultra good in your life these days. Good luck~

 

[Ori]

I approve but do not regret you decision. Make your bed and sleep on it.

 

[SillyGirl]

In all honesty, I really don't have any problems with what you wrote, and my answers weren't and aren't intended to be taken as negative or critical in any way. My apologies if it comes off that way. I really am only providing one man's honest pov response to your comments. I realize I don't have all the facts, so am just going off what you've posted...

FWIW I hope things work out completely seamlessly for you and your guy, and that you both find a way to live and love together drama free for many years to come. You sound like you could use something ultra good in your life these days. Good luck~

Thank you.

 

[SillyGirl]

I approve but do not regret you decision. Make your bed and sleep on it.

I will do so much more than sleep in that bed!

 

[papasmerf]

I will do so much more than sleep in that bed!

Grab life by the ears and F$%k the Sh&t out of it

 

[SillyGirl]

Grab life by the ears and F$%k the Sh&t out of it

Yup. That's my plan.

Woot woot!

 

[Prick]

His name is Prick?.

 

[SillyGirl]

His name is Prick?.

Actually, I call him Sir.

 

[papasmerf]

Actually, I call him Sir.

Odd
I don't remember your sleeping net to me.

 

[SillyGirl]

Odd
I don't remember your sleeping net to me.

That was Peace.

 

[papasmerf]

That was Peace.

And you wonder why I stopped drinking.
You slept with Peace because I was drunk

 

[SillyGirl]

That explains why you don't remember it.

I must have been drunk too.