Awkward around money, hunny

[IFUSEEKAMY]

I am already having second thoughts about starting this thread so please forgive me if I delete it.

I have always been really awkward about money. Maybe it's my small hands, the overwhelming power, or perhaps just the responsibility that goes with having or handling a lot of money. With previous relationships I bet I made my partners or friends feel like crap by making them hold onto my cash and then asking them for it like they were doling out my allowance. I was too young and naive to realize it until years later what a terrible position I was putting them into. Anyhow, I got better with wearing clothing that had pockets or carrying a purse and holding onto my own funds eventually.

In this part of my life, however, I'm no better. Most of the time, thankfully, I choose to be with men who are self-conscious about it themselves and therefore put a lot of thought into the exchange. Fk am I ever grateful for that and for them. An unsealed envelope, a greeting card, just the cash placed silently in a visible spot, or slid amongst my belongings is such a relief for me. I am able to push the thought far behind us and move onto the fun seamlessly. When extending the date, I know I don't have to worry about these men adjusting the compensation.

But, sometimes, I'm not so fortunate.

Meeting someone new, I usually have my glasses off cuz of my nervousness about creating a dorky first impression. So sometimes I don't notice any movement of placing anything anywhere. I really miss my contact lenses at this stage but ah well. I rely on faith. I have only been screwed over once this way so it's not so bad right?

When the guy is just as nervous as I am, I get a fistfull of bills held out in front of me. I ofcourse grasp it and shove it into some random absurd spot. After he leaves, I have to make sure I remember all the different hiding spots. I am fine with leaving the maid a bigger tip than she may be expecting and I'm sure it has happened before.

When extending a date in the midst of sex, I do not like or expect the person to stop and deal with the compensation. That's absurd. Unfortunately, about half the time, the guy is not carrying the necessary extra required. So I get an IOU. Half of those times, I never hear from him again. Shrug. The other half, there is a delay before things are even. I'm sure most of that is embarassment on his part, which I understand and can relate to.

I usually waited until I was sorting out my expenses to count the money I had received. It took a few occurrences of discrepancies in the amounts for me to change this habit and count directly after each of my dates. When I do notice something missing, I go through a torturous period of time when I'm debating if and how to bring it up to the person responsible. If it's someone I know really well, I just let it slide until it's proven to be repeated behavior.

I know very few men have taken advantage of my refusal to count the money in front of them, but obviously it has happened. I'm sure many of you have felt something just like this or similar yourselves. It's not about the sex, cuz surely, that was pleasurable. It's the terrible feeling of being taken advantage of and your hope and faith in the morality of human beings in general getting destroyed a little chip at a time.

The person I really feel for is someone who sees me after I have just been screwed over this way. I'm on high-alert, more wary, often unnecessarily.

A few months ago, in one week, I had 3 separate men owe me money. Then I saw a regular sweetie, who through a misunderstanding, gave me half the rate of a duo, instead of my normal rates when playing alone. I waited for 24 hrs, but I let the overwhelming need to not feel like I was getting walked all over for a fourth time in the same week take over me and sent an email. He responded confused and apologetic. He hasn't approached me again since. I feel so terrible. I should have let it slide. I should have known it was just a misunderstanding. I shouldn't have let the behaviors of 3 other men cloud my judgement of men in general, let alone someone I've known so intimately for so long.

Once, someone I met for the first time ended up spending a lot more time with me without any mention of the time passed. I never watch the clock...I can't actually haha since I don't have my glasses on. Anyhow, I usually just accept such an occurrance as my responsibility, which it is. The next time he saw me several weeks later, he not only made sure he compensated me for the previous time, he also added enough to cover any additional time spent that day, and then some. I didn't notice till after. I would have made sure I showed him my appreciation for being thoughtful without being prompted. Hopefully he will give me a chance again.

How much can you apologize until both people are able to move on? Does it depend on how swiftly things are resolved?
How can I avoid feeling taken advantage of without destroying my faith and morals?
Is anything I'm doing or saying making anyone feel like crap about themselves?
Am I overthinking something so trivial?

I will likely just continue to accept it as part of dealing with other people where an exchange of money is necessary. But if any of you wise men and women have tips, I'd love to hear them, thank you. Sorry if I offended anyone!

 

[Wanker]

I doubt you offended anyone. You speak from the heart and hope you don't get ripped off anymore.

Good luck.

 

[ChaosTheory]

You really have a beautiful and sweet heart Amy. I understand the uncomfortable feeling when dealing with money and its exchange. But remember business is business and the monetary aspect to it should be high priority. People will always try to short change another that is why we have to stay on top of it and not be taken advantage of.

Dont feel sad or remorseful you deserve to get what you want and not a penny less..you actually deserve a whole lot more

 

[JBelushi]

I say for first timers count it first. For your regulars just put it in the drawer as they should be trusted.

 

[God]

I am a good accountant. Use me and abuse me anytime :biggrin2:


On a serious note never take IOU again and always ask before session starts what they are looking for and how much it will cost them. If they don't have the money, too bad for them.

 

[McGuinty]

You've answered your own questions Amy. Take is as a live and learn matter. Never make a judgement call when you are angry. I also wish you good luck.

I should have let it slide. I should have known it was just a misunderstanding. I shouldn't have let the behaviors of 3 other men cloud my judgement of men in general, let alone someone I've known so intimately for so long.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

On a serious note never take IOU again and always ask before session starts what they are looking for and how much it will cost them. If they don't have the money, too bad for them.

I have to agree with God here. :biggrin2:

This is first and foremost a "business" for you Amy and you should treat it as such. I have business in quotes because it deals with the feelings and emotions of people and that in and of itself can cause problems. Human beings are a pretty farked up breed. You haven't offended anyone in my opinion. One thing I have noticed is that many men will take advantage of the situation if presented with it. They can and will rationalize it as something other than their issue. You may have mentioned men that short change you and you never see them again. The way I see it they just move on from girl to girl doing the same thing until they get caught or it's brought to their attention. I won't tolerate that Amy and you shouldn't feel embarrassed to politely bring it up either. I know it's difficult but the position you're in (no pun intended) is easily defined as difficult.

I will freely admit it's somewhat odd to have my money counted in front of me. I can count on my hand the only times that has occurred. Most of the times when I arrive I exchange pleasantries and head off to the washroom to freshen up. It's at this time that I hope the money is being counted but I can't be sure. As a matter of fact I think most of the time the envelope doesn't move. I've only short changed a women once and I will admit I was mortified even though it was by accident. Thankfully, she was one of the few that counted the money and I was able to make good on it. I can only hope she didn't think I was doing it on purpose.

With respect to going over time I'm sure that has happened to every guy present company included. I think when you go over time it clouds an already foggy issue for me. I once had a women (not Goober's Mom) tell me after I stated I was over my time that we were on her time and that it was fine. I think at that point it begins to wander into territory I'm not comfortable with. Is it getting personal? Will I have to "pay for this" later in some other way? I've always believed nothing is for free Amy and neither are you.

Don't feel bad and certainly don't let people walk all over you Amy because once it becomes a habit it becomes even harder to break.

 

[BlueBalls]

I hope your regular is listening and gives you a call back Amy.

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

I doubt you offended anyone. You speak from the heart and hope you don't get ripped off anymore.

Good luck.

Thank you Wanker for your support. I hope for the same!

You really have a beautiful and sweet heart Amy. I understand the uncomfortable feeling when dealing with money and its exchange. But remember business is business and the monetary aspect to it should be high priority. People will always try to short change another that is why we have to stay on top of it and not be taken advantage of.

Dont feel sad or remorseful you deserve to get what you want and not a penny less..you actually deserve a whole lot more

Thanks for the sweet compliments CT. I will try harder to stay on top of things.

I say for first timers count it first. For your regulars just put it in the drawer as they should be trusted.

I do try and judge by the approximate weight of what I'm given for first-timers. But I don't like counting in front of anybody and I'd rather deal with the fall-out of that than adopt a habit I find offensive

I am a good accountant. Use me and abuse me anytime :biggrin2:


On a serious note never take IOU again and always ask before session starts what they are looking for and how much it will cost them. If they don't have the money, too bad for them.

Thanks for your offer G

To be clear, I only accept IOUs when put in a position of not having a choice. Do I hold him prisoner until he gives me what I think he owes me? Do I make him get the money in the middle of having sex only to have to count it in front of him? Do I demand to see his wallet? I can't do any of that. I make sure everyone knows exactly what they're getting from me beforehand. I don't believe in surprise extras. My issues started when I started offering more than strictly oral. I suppose I should change my rates to account for time instead like every other woman does.

You've answered your own questions Amy. Take is as a live and learn matter. Never make a judgement call when you are angry. I also wish you good luck.

Thanx McG I will take it as a live and learn matter. I always wait at least 24 hours before I bring anything up but I will be sure to watch for acting in anger.

I have to agree with God here. :biggrin2:

This is first and foremost a "business" for you Amy and you should treat it as such. I have business in quotes because it deals with the feelings and emotions of people and that in and of itself can cause problems. Human beings are a pretty farked up breed. You haven't offended anyone in my opinion. One thing I have noticed is that many men will take advantage of the situation if presented with it. They can and will rationalize it as something other than their issue. You may have mentioned men that short change you and you never see them again. The way I see it they just move on from girl to girl doing the same thing until they get caught or it's brought to their attention. I won't tolerate that Amy and you shouldn't feel embarrassed to politely bring it up either. I know it's difficult but the position you're in (no pun intended) is easily defined as difficult.

I will freely admit it's somewhat odd to have my money counted in front of me. I can count on my hand the only times that has occurred. Most of the times when I arrive I exchange pleasantries and head off to the washroom to freshen up. It's at this time that I hope the money is being counted but I can't be sure. As a matter of fact I think most of the time the envelope doesn't move. I've only short changed a women once and I will admit I was mortified even though it was by accident. Thankfully, she was one of the few that counted the money and I was able to make good on it. I can only hope she didn't think I was doing it on purpose.

With respect to going over time I'm sure that has happened to every guy present company included. I think when you go over time it clouds an already foggy issue for me. I once had a women (not Goober's Mom) tell me after I stated I was over my time that we were on her time and that it was fine. I think at that point it begins to wander into territory I'm not comfortable with. Is it getting personal? Will I have to "pay for this" later in some other way? I've always believed nothing is for free Amy and neither are you.

Don't feel bad and certainly don't let people walk all over you Amy because once it becomes a habit it becomes even harder to break.

It is with the support of people like you that I'm getting better at not allowing myself to be treated like a welcome mat. Going overtime is not an issue for me unless my jaw is getting sore or I notice the guy getting frustrated with himself as a result of self-inflicted pressure.
I agree, nothing is for free. Everything is at the expense, money/time/effort, of someone. I don't want to come across as whining about the behavior patterns of the few people I cross paths with who fail to hold themselves to principles that the majority do. I'm struggling with this issue, and I wondered if others had or could offer insight. Thank you Fang.

I hope your regular is listening and gives you a call back Amy.

Aw me too BlueBalls. I don't think he frequents this board anymore.

 

[Boing]

Look what you did Amy, Cardinal agreed with God. The world is about to end.

 

[papasmerf]

Look what you did Amy, Cardinal agreed with God. The world is about to end.

I have always know Fang to be reasonable except for that time he walked in on GB and Sheik tag teaming Goober's Mom.

 

[Boing]

I have always know Fang to be reasonable except for that time he walked in on GB and Sheik tag teaming Goober's Mom.

:no:


Amy you come across as a person with a kind heart. You will always come ahead in the long run.

 

[papasmerf]

:no:


Amy you come across as a person with a kind heart. You will always come ahead in the long run.

that she will

and blush as she reads it.

 

[HOF]

I am already having second thoughts about starting this thread so please forgive me if I delete it.

I have always been really awkward about money. Maybe it's my small hands, the overwhelming power, or perhaps just the responsibility that goes with having or handling a lot of money. With previous relationships I bet I made my partners or friends feel like crap by making them hold onto my cash and then asking them for it like they were doling out my allowance. I was too young and naive to realize it until years later what a terrible position I was putting them into. Anyhow, I got better with wearing clothing that had pockets or carrying a purse and holding onto my own funds eventually.

In this part of my life, however, I'm no better. Most of the time, thankfully, I choose to be with men who are self-conscious about it themselves and therefore put a lot of thought into the exchange. Fk am I ever grateful for that and for them. An unsealed envelope, a greeting card, just the cash placed silently in a visible spot, or slid amongst my belongings is such a relief for me. I am able to push the thought far behind us and move onto the fun seamlessly. When extending the date, I know I don't have to worry about these men adjusting the compensation.

But, sometimes, I'm not so fortunate.

Meeting someone new, I usually have my glasses off cuz of my nervousness about creating a dorky first impression. So sometimes I don't notice any movement of placing anything anywhere. I really miss my contact lenses at this stage but ah well. I rely on faith. I have only been screwed over once this way so it's not so bad right?

When the guy is just as nervous as I am, I get a fistfull of bills held out in front of me. I ofcourse grasp it and shove it into some random absurd spot. After he leaves, I have to make sure I remember all the different hiding spots. I am fine with leaving the maid a bigger tip than she may be expecting and I'm sure it has happened before.

When extending a date in the midst of sex, I do not like or expect the person to stop and deal with the compensation. That's absurd. Unfortunately, about half the time, the guy is not carrying the necessary extra required. So I get an IOU. Half of those times, I never hear from him again. Shrug. The other half, there is a delay before things are even. I'm sure most of that is embarassment on his part, which I understand and can relate to. IOU? I would love to have sex with you which I will gladly pay you next Tuesday!

I usually waited until I was sorting out my expenses to count the money I had received. It took a few occurrences of discrepancies in the amounts for me to change this habit and count directly after each of my dates. When I do notice something missing, I go through a torturous period of time when I'm debating if and how to bring it up to the person responsible. If it's someone I know really well, I just let it slide until it's proven to be repeated behavior.

I know very few men have taken advantage of my refusal to count the money in front of them, but obviously it has happened. I'm sure many of you have felt something just like this or similar yourselves. It's not about the sex, cuz surely, that was pleasurable. It's the terrible feeling of being taken advantage of and your hope and faith in the morality of human beings in general getting destroyed a little chip at a time.

The person I really feel for is someone who sees me after I have just been screwed over this way. I'm on high-alert, more wary, often unnecessarily. You must remain professional but I understand how you would feel.

A few months ago, in one week, I had 3 separate men owe me money. Then I saw a regular sweetie, who through a misunderstanding, gave me half the rate of a duo, instead of my normal rates when playing alone. I waited for 24 hrs, but I let the overwhelming need to not feel like I was getting walked all over for a fourth time in the same week take over me and sent an email. He responded confused and apologetic. He hasn't approached me again since. I feel so terrible. I should have let it slide. I should have known it was just a misunderstanding. I shouldn't have let the behaviors of 3 other men cloud my judgement of men in general, let alone someone I've known so intimately for so long. 3 that's ridiculous-if I were you, they don't play until they clear up the debt and if the debt isn't paid in full, let your peers know who they are privately.

Once, someone I met for the first time ended up spending a lot more time with me without any mention of the time passed. I never watch the clock...I can't actually haha since I don't have my glasses on. Anyhow, I usually just accept such an occurrance as my responsibility, which it is. The next time he saw me several weeks later, he not only made sure he compensated me for the previous time, he also added enough to cover any additional time spent that day, and then some. I didn't notice till after. I would have made sure I showed him my appreciation for being thoughtful without being prompted. Hopefully he will give me a chance again. That's a gentleman.

How much can you apologize until both people are able to move on? Does it depend on how swiftly things are resolved?
How can I avoid feeling taken advantage of without destroying my faith and morals? You are being taken advantage of.
Is anything I'm doing or saying making anyone feel like crap about themselves? Maybe they did it purposely and got busted.
Am I overthinking something so trivial? It's not trivial!

I will likely just continue to accept it as part of dealing with other people where an exchange of money is necessary. But if any of you wise men and women have tips, I'd love to hear them, thank you. Sorry if I offended anyone!​

No offense taken by me! I'm actually offended that you've been taken advantage of. Only speaking for myself, the gift is presented in a card prior to showering and only once was my envelope 20.00 short and that was with this new polymer bills, so business taken care of and pleasure was wonderful. If I extend, business before pleasure. JMO.​

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

:no:


Amy you come across as a person with a kind heart. You will always come ahead in the long run.

Aw shucks. Thank you Boing. You're cute!

that she will

and blush as she reads it.

haha papa you know me so well!

 

[BEER]

His lost if he doesn't come back. Hope you feel better after sharing you sweet thing.

 

[Admiral]

It's tough trying to please everyone, Amy. Good luck from me as well.

 

[Guido]

I concur with Cardinal Fang , business is business and you should not feel bad about asking for what's rightfully yours. I remember one time I almost walked out without paying. The poor SP, waited until I actually turned the door knob before sheepishly asking. Oh boy did I feel bad about it but I'm was happy she did because I would have felt worse if I actually left without paying.

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

No offense taken by me! I'm actually offended that you've been taken advantage of. Only speaking for myself, the gift is presented in a card prior to showering and only once was my envelope 20.00 short and that was with this new polymer bills, so business taken care of and pleasure was wonderful. If I extend, business before pleasure. JMO.

That is a good protocol to follow. Yess the polymer bills cause several embarrassing situations.

His lost if he doesn't come back. Hope you feel better after sharing you sweet thing.

Gosh BEER you're so sweet, yes I do feel better, thank you!

It's tough trying to please everyone, Amy. Good luck from me as well.

That it is, thx Admiral.

I concur with Cardinal Fang , business is business and you should not feel bad about asking for what's rightfully yours. I remember one time I almost walked out without paying. The poor SP, waited until I actually turned the door knob before sheepishly asking. Oh boy did I feel bad about it but I'm was happy she did because I would have felt worse if I actually left without paying.

Thankyou for the advice Guido. I'll work on being more confident about asking.

 

[mctaggar]

Look what you did Amy, Cardinal agreed with God. The world is about to end.

Nope. There is a New Pope to be Elected and Fang is just playing his Card .... :rofl!: