Finding new love with an old relationship

[kefrm]

Want to take this opportunity to get some info on men from men....

If you were feeling bored, unsatisfied, not "in love" with your wife/gf what could change that for you? Aside from a change in her appearance what could rekindle a relationship for you?

I know there's no quick fix but any comments would be greatly appreciated....
I don't have anywhere else to turn for help with this.

 

[Romance]

The basis of a good relationship, I think, is valuing your SO as he/she is, respecting their ideas and showing them that you care about them. Acknowledging what they do for you and try to do the same. These may seem obvious, but in reality not easy to pay attention to on an everyday basis, especially when the relationship is a few years old. Both partners may do sacrifices in their personal preferences when they share a life; recognizing those sacrifices and praising SO for their sacrifice goes a long way. Nothing hurts a relationship more than the feeling of being ignored.

My relationship did not work out simply because I always felt I'm the bottom of her list of priorities (I'm not blaming her, she may have felt the same). What was painful for me was that she always used to praise a particular quality/trait in another guy, her brother or a relative, while she couldn't see that I have the same trait. Paying attention to all these small things maybe helpful to fix a relationship. But, you know, I think beyond certain point, it would be really hard to fix it if not impossible.

 

[kefrm]

thank you for your response.
I don't think this relationship is beyond repair...
I do think that he has an unrealistic notion of how he should feel...
I think he wants the butterflies you get when you first meet someone new, the excitement and anticipation of seeing them when you're just getting to know them.
Fourteen years later you're not going to get those same feelings no matter how special a partner you have. You know them and are comfortable with them and the nervous feelings are all gone.

I think he knows where he stand in my life, I'm trying to forgive him cheating on me...carrying on an affair for 3 months so that's got to say something. I will try to vocalize my appreciation more often.
That's a good suggestion because I know I would appreciate the same from him.

 

[BigAbe]

info on men from men....

I would include women's input as well kefrm. They are wiser on this topic :666:

 

[kefrm]

never mind it doesn't matter any longer....
I quit.
thanks for the input.

 

[Iambad]

never mind it doesn't matter any longer....
I quit.
thanks for the input.

You quit the relationship???

 

[HOF]

never mind it doesn't matter any longer....
I quit.
thanks for the input.

Wait a minute, you quit what? Does this mean that you're available?

 

[kefrm]

lol yeah I guess it does

 

[Blank_Dave]

I was going to say......
"This sounds like a thread for Cycleguy007."

Kefrm, you're available? Oddly enough, so am I....Coincident?

 

[Auggie]

Do you have someone to confide in who you can really open up to? Maybe even a professional counselor?

Perhaps take a holiday from your relationship, spend a week in a different city away from people you know and think about what you want to do with the next 5 years of your life.
Write a journal of your thoughts, expressing yourself in some way can help untangle a crazy situation.

 

[kefrm]

well there's no relationship to take a holiday from any longer and I have kids so going away is not possible....
I'll get through it

 

[Auggie]

I like how you've been open about your relationship on here in the last month, your perspective is very welcome.

You're right that you'll get through this, good luck with it.

 

[athaire]

well there's no relationship to take a holiday from any longer and I have kids so going away is not possible....
I'll get through it

Shitty.........well you have to focus on yourself now, and your children of course. But don't forget your needs and desires while moving ahead as a mother etc.......I know that my relationship failed due to the fact that I was never first, I was second to the children, work, friends...etc. Take the lessons from this failure and apply them to the next time. With luck and hard work you will come out ahead of the game.....

Interesting you turned to a review board for advice. How did you find this place?

 

[kefrm]

Interesting you turned to a review board for advice. How did you find this place?

we saw a SP and I followed the link for a review she had gotten after the fact. I thought it would be nice to leave her a good review so I did and here I am. I'm not really sure why I kept coming back except that maybe being faceless I felt I could say what's on my mind.

 

[HOF]

kefrm,

That's terrible and I hope that you and your children will be ok.

 

[kefrm]

kefrm,

That's terrible and I hope that you and your children will be ok.

Thanks Hof,
we'll be fine...not the first marriage to end just the first for me

 

[- - -]

Kefrm, It's wonderful to see that you are putting the welfare of your children first, as any good mother would do. But don't forget about yourself and your needs. You won't do your children any good if you are miserable. Make sure to take time for yourself and make your needs a priority too. I hope that with the closing of this chapter of your life a brighter and happier one is about to be written. GOOD LUCK!!!