I hardly bother initiating any more. I either get a playful sounding "what are you doing...we can't do that....for reason x, y or z" or I just get rejected. I'll sometimes hint at it but that rarely works so I'm generally waiting around for her to initiate...which is rare.
The way I work, I tend to take the other person's feeling too much to heart. If she's not into it, I'm not going to feel great about it afterwards....yes, I've been wussified. Another thing about me is that I have a very good supply of patience. I'll put up with a lot of crap until I'm done with that thing/person. Then my reaction tends to be to walk away and be completely done.
I need to work on talking about my needs and getting her to understand that our marriage depends on my needs being fulfilled as much as hers. If she's not going to take care of me then I'm going to have to look for it somewhere else. She'll have to decide what she wants to do at that point. I like her enough to stay with her and have sex elsewhere...I don't know if she'd feel that way with me.
I will not go off and sneak around to cheat though...that I wont allow myself to do.
