In Canada, you have to be the POA and the forms would have been signed by your physician for no heroic measures. My parents through their lawyer and physicians asked me to be the POA and make the decisions. Even though my father was alive as my mother was passing, I was the POA simply because he was palliative end stage as well and neither had the resolve to say goodbye (they had been together 52 years, 50 years, 2 months, 2 days when my mother passed)
Being the POA and exercising DNR (no heroics)
I learned alot from this experience (pro & con)! My parents were both in their home with me as primary caregiver. I knew that I would be able to do what they had asked of me, but I didn't know exactly when to do it. I disagreed with the doctors several times regarding my mother's DNR and I think that was partially emotion and my dad's emotion at the time.
Our physician/her partner or one of their residents came twice weekly (Tuesday & Friday to be exact). Nurses came twice daily, PSWs 4x daily.
It was December 1, 2004, when this resident physician asked me how I was doing, so we sat down had a cup of tea and she said, 'I know Dr. A, Dr. B and other residents have approached you about this and I would like to explain what is happening now for your mother.' Dr. S. knew about me and my knowledge and stubborness, she knew that I was a instructor for the red-cross. Dr. S. explained that the only reason my mother was still alive was because of the pain she felt regardless of pain medication. She explained exactly how the liquid morphine would eleviate the pain and allow her to be at peace.
I guess for the first time in my life that I understood what pain really meant, and I mean all forms emotional, physical and psychological because my parents and I were all suffering. So Dr. S. and I went into my father's room (they couldn't stay in the same room because I had hospital beds brought in for them) and told him it was time to let her go. I had only seen the look on his face 4 other times and this was a look of complete sadness.
The next day, the team brought in the liquid morphine drip and within 48 hours she was relieved of her pain. 4 years later (yes 4) when it was time for my father, it was easier and I could see the signs. Fortunately, when I approached my father for the discussion he said, "I want to go, the pain is too much!" That day I called the team, called the priest and the next day the liquid morphine drip was applied and 48 hours later he joined my mother.
When it is time for my dog, it will be easy. It will hurt, but I had to do for the two most cherished people I had.
