Cardinal Fang
Reviewer
- Joined
- May 9, 2012
- Messages
- 5,717
So I debated keeping this review to myself. I can be pretty selfish when I want to be, then I thought about how Goober, Wings or Madman would react and I decided to put "pen to paper" so to speak and give them a face wash with it. I will freely admit I'm cruel..........but fair. :good:
Before I go into my review I want to share a little background when it comes to me and threesomes. Pure and simple I suck at them! If you asked me if there is a way on how NOT to have a threesome then I could write you a book and give you advice. And it would be good advice and not that non-nonsensical bullshit I dispense in that "Cardinal Fang Advice Thread." If I was to impart some advice on the young farkers it would read something like this:
Before yesterday I had a grand total of four threesomes in my life. Three were with escorts and the last one was with two girls I knew from college. They all ended badly especially the ones with escorts. They never seemed like they were into it and in some case I swear I was looking around the room for the teleprompter they were reading from because it certainly wasn't sexy. Worse yet after my last debacle which I'm calling "the last debacle" I swore I would never duo a threesome again. The thought of it never entered into my mind until the last time I saw Amy where we had talked about our sexual experiences. She had some pretty interesting experiences while I could only offer bits a pieces of a failed "Darth Vader interrogates Princess Leia" fantasy that went horribly wrong. In my defense I couldn't pull of the voice and my light sabre wasn't as large as I thought it should have been. But I digress......
After putting the bug in Amy's ear about my desire to try a threesome a while ago out of the blue I get an email from her asking if I was still interested along with a brief description of her new duo partner. Amy's partner was new and just starting out in the business. Being with Amy a few times I knew what to expect so I was 50% yes on the decision. After gleaming the description of her partner Charlotte I ascertained that she was; a female with a pulse, not bi-polar and willing to be naked in my presence. Ding! Ding! We have a winner! Playing it cool and aloof I waited an entire 30 seconds before responding back with OH GOD YES! PLEASE OH GOD YES! So yesterday was the appointed time and I quickly got myself to the hotel where they were entertaining.
Round 1:
I knocked on the door and waited. Then came that wonderful unmistakeable sound of people on the other side of the door approaching in high heels. I love that sound......The door opens and Amy invites me in. A bend over to give her a hug and she says "and this is Charlotte!" Turning around I could see very long legs and as I straightened myself out I could see she was taller than me with a cute smile. Charlotte is 5-'9" without heels. Add the heels and she was 6-0." This is going to be interesting I thought because I don't remember everything I was taught in the wall climbing class I took two years ago. I really need to pay attention more in life.....Charlotte is tall and slim but well proportioned and carries with her some wonderful curves. I quickly excused myself to take a shower while they waited for me to return. When I returned they both were sitting on the bed with smiles on their faces. It's at this point I realized that Charlotte's height was in her legs. To mitigate this advantage over me she had to be laying down on her back and at no time should I attempt doggie without a chair present. We started with light kissing between the three of us as I undressed the both of them. It then quickly escalated to french kissing and probing hands over all the body parts. It truly is sensory overload at this point because you don't know whether to concentrate on what someone is doing to you or what you're doing to them. I'm not sure how Amy was able to cope as she was constantly looking up to kiss either one of us.
We quickly moved to the bed and took turns going down on each other. While one laid down the other two were enjoying and sharing the fruits of their labour. It's at this point that I realized that watching a woman going down on another woman is off the charts. It's like having your own personal DATY Thread coming to life without Madman's comments about Silly Girl's boots. When it was my turn to lay down between the them I didn't know what to expect. So I just closed my eyes I hoped I wouldn't here Goober's nagging voice. Both of these women are good at what they do and have different styles. So it was amazing to be able to know right away who was doing what when they touched me. I opened my eyes to see Amy gather up Charlotte's hair pull it to the back of her head then push down on her to get me in deeper. So as not to be out done when they switched positions Charlotte did the same with Amy's head. It was divine intervention that I didn't come at this point. I quickly realized that I didn't want to temp fate or Goober's taunts so I asked if we could get the condom and switch positions. We started out with Charlotte on top and then switched to Amy and Charlotte in a 69 position and me entering Charlotte from the missionary stance. Given Amy's size I could see over her ass and watch Charlotte work on Amy. I held Charlotte's long legs apart while Amy was going down on her and I was thrusting in. Amy would look up and smile every now and then. After this view it didn't take long for my first shot. I pulled out and immediately pulled off the condom without the thing recoiling back in my hands like and elastic. Amy spotting this and took "little Fang" into her mouth and proceeded to work on him to completion while rubbing Charlotte's pussy vigorously. I really hate it that women can multitask so well.
Round 2:
After the first round I sat on the chair at the foot of the bed while Charlotte and Amy laid down on the stomachs facing me while we had a light hearted talk about tickling. Amy doesn't like being tickled. So much so that if she's grabbed or poked she becomes violent. Good to know I thought! I asked them if I could watch as they started up again and they smiled and said sure. It was while they started kissing again that the contrast in them both could be seen. Charlotte is demure and reserved but responsive while Amy is aggressive and passionate. Charlotte is tall, pale and slim and Amy is petite, dark and curvy. It was when they two of them are taking turns going down on each other that I realized how different men and women are in this regard. Mind you they have had access to their equipment longer then men so I would guess they would know what they liked. I on the other hand could write you and entire thread on what they DON'T like from my experiences. I watched them devour each other and when I reached the point I couldn't wait any longer and I joined the fray. As the next condom was getting ready I looked at the package and thought I'd seen that brand before......and the condom was black the last time I remembered it. Ok...to the ladies out there, black condoms are NOT good for guys like me. One, I don't have the ego or member to pull off that colour and most importantly BLACK IS SLIMMING and I don't need to be slimmer. They need to make a condom colour that acts like a magnifying glass. As the condom came out mercifully it wasn't black. Charlotte puts it on and then moves to straddle my face while Amy climbs on the cowgirl position. As I look up I can see Amy hands wrapping around Charlotte's breasts while she rides me. The feedback from both of them is priceless and my GOD does Charlotte look even taller from this perspective.
We then switched positions by me getting up while still holding Amy and turning her around and laying her on the bed. That's right I completed my first ever Porn Movie Position without anyone getting hurt. Amy looked at me with her eyes wide open in surprise. To be honest I was surprised I didn't drop her when I completed my 180 degree turn. As Amy and I were in the missionary position I asked Charlotte if she would take Amy's hands and position them above her head. They both smiled as Charlotte knelt down above Amy's head. Then with her legs apart she grabbed Amy's hands and placed them between her legs with a firm grasp. Amy's eyes opened wide in surprise. I contemplated two things at this point. A) Tickling her or B) Farking her silly. I went with B) and I'm sure she would agree I made the right decision. So off I went to fark her although I doubt we reached the point where she went silly. After a while in this position we switched up again where Amy went down on Charlotte in the doggie position while I was behind Amy. It's at this point where I couldn't contain myself any longer and shot number two appeared out of nowhere complete with some reference to an omnipotent being. I was spent and I was tired. I could have fallen asleep right there but instead I had to get back to the office. I sooooooooooo wanted another hour.
I quickly got cleaned up again and thanked Amy and Charlotte for the wonderful experience. My first ever threesome where the sucking was confined to the activities of the participants. I now know why they are so highly rated. So to recap:
So ya!.....great day for me all things considered. :biggrin2:
Before I go into my review I want to share a little background when it comes to me and threesomes. Pure and simple I suck at them! If you asked me if there is a way on how NOT to have a threesome then I could write you a book and give you advice. And it would be good advice and not that non-nonsensical bullshit I dispense in that "Cardinal Fang Advice Thread." If I was to impart some advice on the young farkers it would read something like this:
- Just because the women say they're bi doesn't mean they are. In one situation I was in I think they kept telling me they were bi-polar but I just didn't hear them. It's amazing what you hear and think you hear when half the blood in your body has relocated itself in that vessel between your legs. Everything else just goes dumb. Beware of women that are "gay for pay."
- The looks or attractiveness of the women might get you gong but it has very little to do with it if both women are not into you. If you think you're the third wheel then most likely YOU are definitely the third wheel. And I'm not talking about the third wheel as the spare they gave you in the 70's and 80's. I'm talking about that "doughnut" that passes for a wheel in the trunk of your car.
- Alcohol and trash talking a good game doesn't help you when you're finally alone in the room with two women and you realize you have to put up or shut up or in my case cower in the corner and pass out.
- Always wear sunscreen.
- Finally, none of the positions work like they do in porn. As a matter of fact if you asked me how I could get a concussion from trying these positions I will tell you it's quite easy when you're not paying attention. It's even easier to get muscle cramps or a elbow in the back.
Before yesterday I had a grand total of four threesomes in my life. Three were with escorts and the last one was with two girls I knew from college. They all ended badly especially the ones with escorts. They never seemed like they were into it and in some case I swear I was looking around the room for the teleprompter they were reading from because it certainly wasn't sexy. Worse yet after my last debacle which I'm calling "the last debacle" I swore I would never duo a threesome again. The thought of it never entered into my mind until the last time I saw Amy where we had talked about our sexual experiences. She had some pretty interesting experiences while I could only offer bits a pieces of a failed "Darth Vader interrogates Princess Leia" fantasy that went horribly wrong. In my defense I couldn't pull of the voice and my light sabre wasn't as large as I thought it should have been. But I digress......
After putting the bug in Amy's ear about my desire to try a threesome a while ago out of the blue I get an email from her asking if I was still interested along with a brief description of her new duo partner. Amy's partner was new and just starting out in the business. Being with Amy a few times I knew what to expect so I was 50% yes on the decision. After gleaming the description of her partner Charlotte I ascertained that she was; a female with a pulse, not bi-polar and willing to be naked in my presence. Ding! Ding! We have a winner! Playing it cool and aloof I waited an entire 30 seconds before responding back with OH GOD YES! PLEASE OH GOD YES! So yesterday was the appointed time and I quickly got myself to the hotel where they were entertaining.
Round 1:
I knocked on the door and waited. Then came that wonderful unmistakeable sound of people on the other side of the door approaching in high heels. I love that sound......The door opens and Amy invites me in. A bend over to give her a hug and she says "and this is Charlotte!" Turning around I could see very long legs and as I straightened myself out I could see she was taller than me with a cute smile. Charlotte is 5-'9" without heels. Add the heels and she was 6-0." This is going to be interesting I thought because I don't remember everything I was taught in the wall climbing class I took two years ago. I really need to pay attention more in life.....Charlotte is tall and slim but well proportioned and carries with her some wonderful curves. I quickly excused myself to take a shower while they waited for me to return. When I returned they both were sitting on the bed with smiles on their faces. It's at this point I realized that Charlotte's height was in her legs. To mitigate this advantage over me she had to be laying down on her back and at no time should I attempt doggie without a chair present. We started with light kissing between the three of us as I undressed the both of them. It then quickly escalated to french kissing and probing hands over all the body parts. It truly is sensory overload at this point because you don't know whether to concentrate on what someone is doing to you or what you're doing to them. I'm not sure how Amy was able to cope as she was constantly looking up to kiss either one of us.
We quickly moved to the bed and took turns going down on each other. While one laid down the other two were enjoying and sharing the fruits of their labour. It's at this point that I realized that watching a woman going down on another woman is off the charts. It's like having your own personal DATY Thread coming to life without Madman's comments about Silly Girl's boots. When it was my turn to lay down between the them I didn't know what to expect. So I just closed my eyes I hoped I wouldn't here Goober's nagging voice. Both of these women are good at what they do and have different styles. So it was amazing to be able to know right away who was doing what when they touched me. I opened my eyes to see Amy gather up Charlotte's hair pull it to the back of her head then push down on her to get me in deeper. So as not to be out done when they switched positions Charlotte did the same with Amy's head. It was divine intervention that I didn't come at this point. I quickly realized that I didn't want to temp fate or Goober's taunts so I asked if we could get the condom and switch positions. We started out with Charlotte on top and then switched to Amy and Charlotte in a 69 position and me entering Charlotte from the missionary stance. Given Amy's size I could see over her ass and watch Charlotte work on Amy. I held Charlotte's long legs apart while Amy was going down on her and I was thrusting in. Amy would look up and smile every now and then. After this view it didn't take long for my first shot. I pulled out and immediately pulled off the condom without the thing recoiling back in my hands like and elastic. Amy spotting this and took "little Fang" into her mouth and proceeded to work on him to completion while rubbing Charlotte's pussy vigorously. I really hate it that women can multitask so well.
Round 2:
After the first round I sat on the chair at the foot of the bed while Charlotte and Amy laid down on the stomachs facing me while we had a light hearted talk about tickling. Amy doesn't like being tickled. So much so that if she's grabbed or poked she becomes violent. Good to know I thought! I asked them if I could watch as they started up again and they smiled and said sure. It was while they started kissing again that the contrast in them both could be seen. Charlotte is demure and reserved but responsive while Amy is aggressive and passionate. Charlotte is tall, pale and slim and Amy is petite, dark and curvy. It was when they two of them are taking turns going down on each other that I realized how different men and women are in this regard. Mind you they have had access to their equipment longer then men so I would guess they would know what they liked. I on the other hand could write you and entire thread on what they DON'T like from my experiences. I watched them devour each other and when I reached the point I couldn't wait any longer and I joined the fray. As the next condom was getting ready I looked at the package and thought I'd seen that brand before......and the condom was black the last time I remembered it. Ok...to the ladies out there, black condoms are NOT good for guys like me. One, I don't have the ego or member to pull off that colour and most importantly BLACK IS SLIMMING and I don't need to be slimmer. They need to make a condom colour that acts like a magnifying glass. As the condom came out mercifully it wasn't black. Charlotte puts it on and then moves to straddle my face while Amy climbs on the cowgirl position. As I look up I can see Amy hands wrapping around Charlotte's breasts while she rides me. The feedback from both of them is priceless and my GOD does Charlotte look even taller from this perspective.
We then switched positions by me getting up while still holding Amy and turning her around and laying her on the bed. That's right I completed my first ever Porn Movie Position without anyone getting hurt. Amy looked at me with her eyes wide open in surprise. To be honest I was surprised I didn't drop her when I completed my 180 degree turn. As Amy and I were in the missionary position I asked Charlotte if she would take Amy's hands and position them above her head. They both smiled as Charlotte knelt down above Amy's head. Then with her legs apart she grabbed Amy's hands and placed them between her legs with a firm grasp. Amy's eyes opened wide in surprise. I contemplated two things at this point. A) Tickling her or B) Farking her silly. I went with B) and I'm sure she would agree I made the right decision. So off I went to fark her although I doubt we reached the point where she went silly. After a while in this position we switched up again where Amy went down on Charlotte in the doggie position while I was behind Amy. It's at this point where I couldn't contain myself any longer and shot number two appeared out of nowhere complete with some reference to an omnipotent being. I was spent and I was tired. I could have fallen asleep right there but instead I had to get back to the office. I sooooooooooo wanted another hour.
I quickly got cleaned up again and thanked Amy and Charlotte for the wonderful experience. My first ever threesome where the sucking was confined to the activities of the participants. I now know why they are so highly rated. So to recap:
- Amy and Charlotte were hot together.
- Complete and utter onslaught on the senses.
- Hoping to make Madman, Wings and Goober green with envy.
- First ever porn maneuver where I stuck the landing with no deductions.
So ya!.....great day for me all things considered. :biggrin2:
