Economic stimulus..
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive
another 'Economic Stimulus'.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain
it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to
taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the
economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the
Canadian economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money
will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the
Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan
or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to
California, Florida, Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or
Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will
go to management bonuses and they will hide it
offshore.
Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only Canadian businesses still operating
in Canada)
Conclusion:
Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you
met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.