Been meaning to get back to this and comment on it.
I find it a funny clip, in that it applies to me twice over, in regards to being a hobbyist and regarding relationships. Remember folks, I'm a
As a hobbyist, I often feel my sessions don't go it well or are boring. IMO, you generally couldn't describe them as being 'white bread and milk', as that would be too exciting. More like unsalted soda cracker. I read reviews by HOF, Tank, Knight Rider, etc, and those are often quite arousing. They're relatively adventurous, exciting, stimulating and satisfying....Something worth bragging about. I'd like to be able to do that too. But once I pick up the phone, that whole concept goes out the window. Much less when I get in the room with the SP, I can't even bring myself to say "I'd like to try this..." Come to think of it, I've once removed the lady's bra, the rest of the times she's taken it off.
Then there's the matter of relationships. Put aside my lack of confidence, looks, general charm, introversion, etc, one thing is ultimately the lion....Intimacy, and it terrifies me. Until recently, I had felt I grew up in a Leave It To Beaver-esque family....Until I discovered that that is what a dysfunctional family is. There is no truth, there is no trust. Everything is hush hush, and kept to yourself for fear up upsetting the apple cart. And Lord knows you don't want to know what the neighbors think. The honest, genuine Me was shamed, ridiculed and otherwise abused, until I built a massive collection of masks and facades around it, to the point that I no longer know Me beyond Me is shameful and bad.
To have a 'proper' relationship, one seeks intimacy...Exposing who they are to their other. For one who's 'defective and flawed', the concept of this self exposure is horrifying. So when I think about being in a relationship, a little paraphrased version of that skit plays in my head.
And before people jump in here and say things like "don't be so down on yourself," or "that's not true," Or Baz comes in and adds "your soulmate will see the diamond you are despite the flaws" I know that. But that is how I still see myself, especially in regards relationships of any social nature, as someone who has no qualities worth befriending.
