Service providers and mental health

[cristycurves]

I saw this on another site and found this young ladies post so insightful, honest and quite frankly imo, representative of how many I've spoken to feel about this industry, the struggles we face because of it and why it can cause us to question our self worth from time to time. Many of us receive flattering, complimentary commentary on a regular basis, but we all also get our share of negativity from those who try hard to diminish our self worth. Loving and choosing to do something that many find immoral, that the government has criminalized and that some will judge us for, critique us because of and which gives opportunity for some to bash us to diminish our worth, can certainly cause anyone to be caught in a sea of self doubt from time to time. Melanie articulated this so well, imo and with her permission I'm posting this here.

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Service providers and mental health.
In my first few months of working as an escort, I've been met with enough raised eyebrows, grimaces of disgust, and looks of pity to last a lifetime. Sometimes I received lectures about how I was enabling the patriarchy by choosing to be a sex worker. I was derided and called selfish for choosing a line of work that encourages sexism against women, and I was accused of being a traitor to the feminist cause.

On many occasions, I was asked intrusive questions like “has a client ever hit you?” and “what’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever had to do for a client?”

Get your horror stories from someone else please.

The comments from folks aren't the only sinister remarks though. Being a service provider, intrusive thoughts come with kind of like a pretty packaged gift with a bow on top. "You're too fat", "You're better off laying in bed, no one is going to call you", "Did you really think you could do this full time?"

Sometimes I can shrug a lot of this off. It’s not like I’m depressed all the time. I have three really supportive friends in my life who know what I do and accept me the way I am. It's not like I'm new to this industry either. I've been doing different avenues of it for quite some time now. I think I’ve internalized the societal hatred of sex workers. I am embarrassed to be a sex worker, even though I like my job, I’m good at it.

I also wonder what any potential partner would say to their friends and family about their relationship with me. How would the conversation go?

“I’m dating this girl I just met. She’s pretty great.”

“Oh, cool. How did you meet?”

“Mutual friends.”

“Nice. And what does she do?”

“Oh, you know. She’s a hooker.”


Hook, line and sinker. Mom already hates me for being a floozy.

In my darkest moments I am desperately overwhelmed with feelings of despair, and fear that I have made myself unlovable. Sometimes I think the only way out of this mess it to stop working as an escort and leave the sex industry behind. It would be hard to quit, though, because the work is relatively easy, my schedule is flexible, and I make twice as much money doing sex work as I could doing any other job I’m qualified for. Even what I went to school for.

There are so many things that make me who I am. I love animals, horror movies, and going on road trips. I’m passionate about gender equality and LGBTQ rights. I’m interested in current events. I do art, I read a lot, and I stay in close touch with my family. But these traits are overshadowed by the fact that I am a prostitute. I don’t feel like anybody cares about any of these characteristics – all they would see is a whore.


Being someone who suffers from depression, I often find that on the days where I want to work, I could get maybe one text, but when I don't want to, I get dozens. Funny how that works isn't it?


I'm not seeking pity, I am just opening an avenue for conversation.

 

[God]

Wow

 

[cristycurves]

^ I know, I thought she was so articulate and her honesty imo should be commended. I also think a lot of us in this industry feel this way from time to time. There is something about animal lovers, as Melanie mentioned she is.....I believe they have bigger hearts and are usually more understanding and insightful in many ways

 

[Beached]

Thank you for the insight Cristy.
Service providers drive me crazy, yet they keep me sane and on an even keel. Go figure.
Just want to say I apreciate what the ladies do and what they have to put up with to do it.
Thank you. Don't let others steal your joy.

 

[Flash Bazbo]

... I was accused of being a traitor to the feminist cause...

Yes, Cristy, as an attractive and intelligent woman who both enjoys and fails to withhold sex from men, you are a traitor to the 'master plan' to force men to be domesticated by the 'bitter majority' of plain Janes, whom most men would not look at twice, when sober. You should be unashamed of yourself. Keep up the good work!

 

[nntsci]

Thanks Cristycurves for the post... the social attitude towards the profession is a terrible hypocrisy.

Hope you are doing well.

 

[demien3k5]

Yes, Cristy, as an attractive and intelligent woman who both enjoys and fails to withhold sex from men, you are a traitor to the 'master plan' to force men to be domesticated by the 'bitter majority' of plain Janes, whom most men would not look at twice, when sober. You should be unashamed of yourself. Keep up the good work!

so, just to be clear.... 'bitter majority of plain janes' = feminist? (by definition) Hmmmmmm

 

[TFZL1]

I think a lady needs a good head on her shoulders to be successful in this industry. And by that I mean mental and emotional stability. Pre-existing mental conditions or emotional problems are going to be driven to extremes in this industry. And that will lead to heartache and ruin, possibly addiction for many Lady's.
On the other hand, I've met some stable Lady's who are quite happy and satisfied, have plans and enjoy family and friends. Yes, even some with pets. Like the rest of us in society, if a lady is self aware and self confident, then the small things and bad days don't get you down. Sure sexwork can be hard, it's not for everybody, and if you already have issues, it's gonna get worse.

 

[cristycurves]

I think a lady needs a good head on her shoulders to be successful in this industry. And by that I mean mental and emotional stability. Pre-existing mental conditions or emotional problems are going to be driven to extremes in this industry. And that will lead to heartache and ruin, possibly addiction for many Lady's.
On the other hand, I've met some stable Lady's who are quite happy and satisfied, have plans and enjoy family and friends. Yes, even some with pets. Like the rest of us in society, if a lady is self aware and self confident, then the small things and bad days don't get you down. Sure sexwork can be hard, it's not for everybody, and if you already have issues, it's gonna get worse.

Interesting comment, but I have to disagree, as some of the most centered and confident women I've engaged with within this industry, and out of this industry, do get down, even from small things, and that is nothing to be ashamed of, nor does it mean they're not confident, successful or have a good head on their shoulders. These women are also happy, positive and fulfilled. TFZL1, I'm interested to know your experiences in sex work, are they from here say, or from you working? If you're speaking from strictly a clients perspective, then with all due respect, you've not a full grasp of what working as an escort entails. I assure you Even if you have a pet, lol

 

[Jasper]

It's not easy, but try not to let negative criticism determine your self worth and direction in life. Those who need to pull you down should be pitied, they must have sad lives.

 

[TFZL1]

Interesting comment, but I have to disagree, as some of the most centered and confident women I've engaged with within this industry, and out of this industry, do get down, even from small things, and that is nothing to be ashamed of, nor does it mean they're not confident, successful or have a good head on their shoulders. These women are also happy, positive and fulfilled. TFZL1, I'm interested to know your experiences in sex work, are they from here say, or from you working? If you're speaking from strictly a clients perspective, then with all due respect, you've not a full grasp of what working as an escort entails. I assure you Even if you have a pet, lol

Ok, Nevemind

 

[cristycurves]

Ok, Nevemind

Thought so, lol

 

[Madman]

It's not an easy job that's for sure and I've always said, I couldn't do it so I respect the ladies who have the stones to put up with most of us Charlestons.

 

[TFZL1]

Thought so, lol

Theres no sense trying to have a discussion with you, you already know it all and have all the answers, so you shoot down anybody who has an opinion.

 

[catherine st.claire]

I think a lady needs a good head on her shoulders to be successful in this industry. And by that I mean mental and emotional stability. Pre-existing mental conditions or emotional problems are going to be driven to extremes in this industry. And that will lead to heartache and ruin, possibly addiction for many Lady's.
On the other hand, I've met some stable Lady's who are quite happy and satisfied, have plans and enjoy family and friends. Yes, even some with pets. Like the rest of us in society, if a lady is self aware and self confident, then the small things and bad days don't get you down. Sure sexwork can be hard, it's not for everybody, and if you already have issues, it's gonna get worse.

If one isn't emotionally stable, any work will that they dislike will exacerbate the mental health issues. There is truth in your statement in that our industry has more time and truly challenging occurrences that make it easy for one to swim in the mind pool. Those providers who are on an aware path of self reflection and growth will use it to expand. Those that are not can fall victim to their perceptions which I feel is where the issue lies. Our reality is uniquely ours and if a provider is struggling emotionally, the kind of situations we face can pull someone's emotional state down the proverbial ladder and we certainly have more time and ways to indulge in negative short term energy relieving behaviours. A few will make a habit of escapism, most won't.

I don't think we are any more at risk than a bank teller or a waitress who struggles with her job. The problem is when they don't realize it isn't the job that is the trigger. It's their inability to find purpose in what they do besides the pay check. Providers are not taught from the beginning that their touch is a sacred, life affirming exchange; even if the client at hand thinks it's about the nakedy time. We are not taught that societal stigma isn't ours to carry, it's theirs. We are not taught to educate those who give us the pitying looks and try to dig into us for the offensive experiences. We should be. Providers should be guided to realize their place in this world can be a privilege, a valuable contribution to the wellness of society and they should embrace their inner power and position with all the dignity and grace it brings if internalized with this intention. My heart goes out the the providers who have their inner struggles, I'd like everyone to remember, those struggles draw the warrior out of us, training her. Like any of life's challenges, it can only make us stronger if we learn from it but we need to remember this process isn't unique to the industry. Society just likes to hold us up as an example because the collective righteous mind needs to find justifications for our "offensive" behaviour. The lovely thing is that providers truly are survivors, we never surrender to what others think we should do, who they think we should be. Everyone walking this planet has the opportunity to grow from challenge, providers are simply given more opportunities and every opportunity is a chance for expansion and growth on a personal level.

This young lady is internally self assessing, she's processing her experience and will sort thru the bullshit in her own way, in her own time. The fact that providers do this kind of writing at all tells me they are expanding and growing and will be better, stronger, more resilient women for it. If she see's it reposted here, it will validate her process and she will use it; regardless of the discussion that follows...

smiles, cat

 

[cristycurves]

Thank you Cat, again you articulate and explain issues in a way like no other. Melanie, I'm sure will see this, I suggested to her to join also. But it seems she might have decided otherwise Tflz1, lol, thank you for thinking I know it all, I'm complimented. But never be offended when an escort tells you, a client, that we have more insight to what working as an escort entails, that is common sense and I can understand you being disgruntled though, cause sure, being a client can also be hard and paying for sex isn't for everybody