crackerjack
Reviewer
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2009
- Messages
- 135
Another day off the farm finds me wheeling the ole pick-up ‘cross the 401,,,heading to downtown Millerville. T’was that time again for the little poon-hound’s (aka Lil’Head) annual manscaping appointment at the Curl Up & Dye beauty boutique. After an hour of rubbin’, tuggin’ and waxin’,,,, the boy and I step outta the parlour into the hot sun feeling real GQ. By hook or by crook,,,,,he was hell-bent on going for a looonnnnnngggggg overdue perv patrol of young stuff hanging ‘bout the Eaton’s Centre. Two hours of rubbernecking some mighty fine arses and it became woefully obvious the boy was hornier than a ten pecker billy-goat. Whisked the only saving grace out of the emergency hobby kit: the To-Do-List. Heaved a sigh of relief upon confirming an appointment. And with address in one hand and Lil’Head in the other,,,,,we were huffin’ ‘n puffin’ it along Bay St. to our next genital encounter....
Standing in the corridor I knock on the door with nervous anticipation. It opens with an invisible hand,,, and as I step across the plate a lanky long-legged chocolate vision greets the eye. WHOA!!! GUV’NAR SPITZER MATERIAL!,,,,but I digress.
Obvious her “girls” were excited to see me as they were busting forth from their over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Lil’Head nearly pee’d a little with delight. We traded the usual formalities and I quickly made a bee-line to the john’s john for a hearty scrubbing of the man bits. Mere moments later,,, I joined my semi-clad luv on the mattress. Lil’Head’s pulse quickened as she unholstered the twins from their lacey confines,,,, spilling them forth in all their Double-D glory. Stared back like a proper slack-jawed gawker at a MAGNIFICENT pair of trophies. Been AGES since the boy and me had such large play toys to fawn over. And with reckless abandon I was all over Sonia like white on rice,,,,,(errr,,,,,,ok,,,, bad analogy). Licking ,,,,, sucking ,,,,, followed up with ,,,,well,,,,,, more licking and sucking. Tongue’d my way south – over her mammaries, tummy, pubes and lingered inside her thighs all the while gingerly kissing her nether region. The naughty fingers were up to beggarly badness – slipping under her panties on a mission to deflower her love nest. Stroked her (Y) till it was nice ‘n juicey and with full disregard,,,,slapped some slurpy DATY hi-jinx to her engorged plum.
We switch-er-roo’d,,,,and she returned the favour by slapping the plastic wrap over the lil penis genius and promptly swallower’d the boy whole. Her suction combined with the lad’s throbbing impatience was ungawdly unbearable. Popped him out of her mouth before he upchucked and buried the lil creep knickers deep betwixt her thighs. Started the Big O-athon slowly,,,,,building intensity,,,,,,, rhythm,,,,,till her hips started bucking in tempo with mine. With a crescendo near at hand - courtesy of a furious phucking like two mad minks; she went ATOMIC! Bursting forth with some Big O vocals that could be heard by distant coyotes. Damn near snapped an ovary I dare venture. With Lil”Head seriously backed up worse than 5’oclock traffic,,,, nanoseconds later,,,,the little balloon head blew enough goo to snuff out a 5-alarm blaze. JAAAAZZZUSS!!!,,,, felt that one in the back of me sphincter.
Bet that’s gonna hurt in the morning.
Gentlemen,,,,,,By the numbers:
Face: 8
Attractive features like the proverbial ebony chick-next-door (at least in my neighbourhood) with long black hair past the shoulders, dark eyes and a smile that made my knees go all wobbly.
Body: 8.5
KRIPES!!! THIS GIRL IS BUILT HOTTER THAN A TAILPIPE ON A ’09 FERRARI !!!
Guesstimating mid 20something; 5’7” femme fatale with a body dipped in molasses. 130ish lbs packed into a slender physique ,,,just half a bubble off Barbie Doll genetics. Naturally tight - no chub-rub from this young lassy. And no gawdy Alt Girl bric-brac stapled to her flesh or tattoos that my sometimers Alzheimer’s recall. After her smile, her next brest, blest,,,,,err,,,,breast,,,,err,,,, best asset are the “girls”. No need for silicon in these puppies. A pair of au naturel DD cup twins greeted my nibbling mandibles ,,,,even leaving stretch marks across my lips. Not exactly pert but more pendulous in nature due to their size and gravity. Nevertheless, no complaints from this malnourished DD boob-luver.
She sported a smallish set of spankable buns,,,,which met the whack of my hand on more than one occasion. Not your typical ebony cast-iron bubble-butt, which is so near and dear to my heart,,,,, but,,,,, still firm enough to skip a rock offa. And legggggssssss! A loooonnnnngggggg slender set of gamms that would wrap ‘round you like a well worn tire.
Personality: 8
GFE right from the get go. Very pleasant and cordial without any trace of that “holier-than-thou fembot attitude” so commonly found in the underworld. Did note a hint of shy demeanor which prevented her from giving an all out PSE phuck fest. Was hoping such would dissipate on repeated rendezvous’s.
Session (GFE/PSE Fun Factor): 8 (first visit) 7 (second visit)
The first session involved frothy hot, scurrilous SEX! (Lil’Head’s words,,, not mine). On the second visit it appeared she was holding back that fiery fanatical loin burning passion. Felt a tad artificial at times. Even noted her DFK was somewhat forced on the initial TOFTT,,,, and practically non-existent on the follow up visit (groan). A nasty twist of fate not to mention a ball buster for yours truly.
Facilities: 9
Five star hotel in the downtown of our fair city,,,, within a rock's throw of the "Bitter Way". However; being directionally challenged I got lost in the maze of corridors. Plenty of romping room for those of us who like to partake on various pieces of furniture though. Award winning maid service was evidenced by the cleanliness of the room and shower facilities. And speaking of cleaning staff,,,,, why is it,,,, there is always some maid giving us swinging dicks the evil eye from two doors down?
Losses:
$140.00 per hh,,,,,to much to chuck when DFK is not part of the package
Repeat:
Jury is still out on this one. If DFK was a given,,,, would be balls down on top of her instead of writing this damn review.
Closing Arguments:
Web pics of Sonia are more of a partial semi-approximate facsimile. Cartoonish in appearance, airbrushed, photoshopped, maybe even pawned off by some two bit thief.,,,,so don’t get suckered in. IMHO it’s a coy illusion meant to deceive and make us porn-meisters part ways with our hard earned pu$$y dollars.
Given the aforementioned,,,, the boy and I forged ahead with lowered sexpectations as she was a relative unknown. Surprisingly the TOFTT paid off in spades with that body built for sinnin’. However; the encore performance was not nearly as stellar given her diluted mood,,,,,,ie; down a quart in enthusiasm (sigh!). Perhaps she runs hot and cold,,,,a 50/50 YMMV type of chick? And for the Russian/Italian luvers in today’s audience; the girl has cleavage galore. Plenty of party room for a titty phuck fest for you and ten of your Lil’Heads' best friends.
Gentlemen, it’s the kid’s inheritance. Be careful out there!
Good day and good farmin’
Standing in the corridor I knock on the door with nervous anticipation. It opens with an invisible hand,,, and as I step across the plate a lanky long-legged chocolate vision greets the eye. WHOA!!! GUV’NAR SPITZER MATERIAL!,,,,but I digress.
Obvious her “girls” were excited to see me as they were busting forth from their over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Lil’Head nearly pee’d a little with delight. We traded the usual formalities and I quickly made a bee-line to the john’s john for a hearty scrubbing of the man bits. Mere moments later,,, I joined my semi-clad luv on the mattress. Lil’Head’s pulse quickened as she unholstered the twins from their lacey confines,,,, spilling them forth in all their Double-D glory. Stared back like a proper slack-jawed gawker at a MAGNIFICENT pair of trophies. Been AGES since the boy and me had such large play toys to fawn over. And with reckless abandon I was all over Sonia like white on rice,,,,,(errr,,,,,,ok,,,, bad analogy). Licking ,,,,, sucking ,,,,, followed up with ,,,,well,,,,,, more licking and sucking. Tongue’d my way south – over her mammaries, tummy, pubes and lingered inside her thighs all the while gingerly kissing her nether region. The naughty fingers were up to beggarly badness – slipping under her panties on a mission to deflower her love nest. Stroked her (Y) till it was nice ‘n juicey and with full disregard,,,,slapped some slurpy DATY hi-jinx to her engorged plum.
We switch-er-roo’d,,,,and she returned the favour by slapping the plastic wrap over the lil penis genius and promptly swallower’d the boy whole. Her suction combined with the lad’s throbbing impatience was ungawdly unbearable. Popped him out of her mouth before he upchucked and buried the lil creep knickers deep betwixt her thighs. Started the Big O-athon slowly,,,,,building intensity,,,,,,, rhythm,,,,,till her hips started bucking in tempo with mine. With a crescendo near at hand - courtesy of a furious phucking like two mad minks; she went ATOMIC! Bursting forth with some Big O vocals that could be heard by distant coyotes. Damn near snapped an ovary I dare venture. With Lil”Head seriously backed up worse than 5’oclock traffic,,,, nanoseconds later,,,,the little balloon head blew enough goo to snuff out a 5-alarm blaze. JAAAAZZZUSS!!!,,,, felt that one in the back of me sphincter.
Bet that’s gonna hurt in the morning.
Gentlemen,,,,,,By the numbers:
Face: 8
Attractive features like the proverbial ebony chick-next-door (at least in my neighbourhood) with long black hair past the shoulders, dark eyes and a smile that made my knees go all wobbly.
Body: 8.5
KRIPES!!! THIS GIRL IS BUILT HOTTER THAN A TAILPIPE ON A ’09 FERRARI !!!
Guesstimating mid 20something; 5’7” femme fatale with a body dipped in molasses. 130ish lbs packed into a slender physique ,,,just half a bubble off Barbie Doll genetics. Naturally tight - no chub-rub from this young lassy. And no gawdy Alt Girl bric-brac stapled to her flesh or tattoos that my sometimers Alzheimer’s recall. After her smile, her next brest, blest,,,,,err,,,,breast,,,,err,,,, best asset are the “girls”. No need for silicon in these puppies. A pair of au naturel DD cup twins greeted my nibbling mandibles ,,,,even leaving stretch marks across my lips. Not exactly pert but more pendulous in nature due to their size and gravity. Nevertheless, no complaints from this malnourished DD boob-luver.
She sported a smallish set of spankable buns,,,,which met the whack of my hand on more than one occasion. Not your typical ebony cast-iron bubble-butt, which is so near and dear to my heart,,,,, but,,,,, still firm enough to skip a rock offa. And legggggssssss! A loooonnnnngggggg slender set of gamms that would wrap ‘round you like a well worn tire.
Personality: 8
GFE right from the get go. Very pleasant and cordial without any trace of that “holier-than-thou fembot attitude” so commonly found in the underworld. Did note a hint of shy demeanor which prevented her from giving an all out PSE phuck fest. Was hoping such would dissipate on repeated rendezvous’s.
Session (GFE/PSE Fun Factor): 8 (first visit) 7 (second visit)
The first session involved frothy hot, scurrilous SEX! (Lil’Head’s words,,, not mine). On the second visit it appeared she was holding back that fiery fanatical loin burning passion. Felt a tad artificial at times. Even noted her DFK was somewhat forced on the initial TOFTT,,,, and practically non-existent on the follow up visit (groan). A nasty twist of fate not to mention a ball buster for yours truly.
Facilities: 9
Five star hotel in the downtown of our fair city,,,, within a rock's throw of the "Bitter Way". However; being directionally challenged I got lost in the maze of corridors. Plenty of romping room for those of us who like to partake on various pieces of furniture though. Award winning maid service was evidenced by the cleanliness of the room and shower facilities. And speaking of cleaning staff,,,,, why is it,,,, there is always some maid giving us swinging dicks the evil eye from two doors down?
Losses:
$140.00 per hh,,,,,to much to chuck when DFK is not part of the package
Repeat:
Jury is still out on this one. If DFK was a given,,,, would be balls down on top of her instead of writing this damn review.
Closing Arguments:
Web pics of Sonia are more of a partial semi-approximate facsimile. Cartoonish in appearance, airbrushed, photoshopped, maybe even pawned off by some two bit thief.,,,,so don’t get suckered in. IMHO it’s a coy illusion meant to deceive and make us porn-meisters part ways with our hard earned pu$$y dollars.
Given the aforementioned,,,, the boy and I forged ahead with lowered sexpectations as she was a relative unknown. Surprisingly the TOFTT paid off in spades with that body built for sinnin’. However; the encore performance was not nearly as stellar given her diluted mood,,,,,,ie; down a quart in enthusiasm (sigh!). Perhaps she runs hot and cold,,,,a 50/50 YMMV type of chick? And for the Russian/Italian luvers in today’s audience; the girl has cleavage galore. Plenty of party room for a titty phuck fest for you and ten of your Lil’Heads' best friends.
Gentlemen, it’s the kid’s inheritance. Be careful out there!
Good day and good farmin’
.
