That time of the Month...For oddball

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Your Horoscope For November According to The Onion


Aries:
A shocking revelation will shake you to the core of your being this week, which is odd, because it's merely the fact that the Doobie Brothers aren't actual brothers.


Taurus:
Betrayal, treason, and vile cal-umny will be the order of things next week, which you must admit, sounds a lot cooler than the light office work you're used to.


Gemini:
Although you always thought you'd be forced to mature when you had children, it turns out you fathered a son years ago and nothing's changed.


Cancer:
You've always described yourself as someone who hates long goodbyes, but you've been standing on the edge of that bridge for three days now.


Leo:
While it's true only God can judge you, you're making it pretty easy for Him to decide you're a jackass.


Virgo:
Your deep-seated belief that there is meaning and purpose to the universe will be sorely tested this week, but only by the usual crap that always happens.


Libra:
Trying to eat healthier and exercise more is admirable, but only when combined with not running blindly into traffic out of sheer depression.


Scorpio:
After pondering what truly separates man from the animals, you're pretty sure that whatever it is should really be between you and the slavering wolverine.


Sagittarius:
You'll be reduced to a caricature this week, but at least it's the cool one where you smash through a glass coffee table while coked out of your mind.


Capricorn:
You may not be an expert on which snakes are poisonous and which aren't, but damn it, you know a cuddly one when you see it.


Aquarius:
Mars rising in your sign this week means it's already November, and you've spent the past four months in an alcoholic haze.


Pisces:
You'll learn a valuable lesson about sharing this week, proving the effectiveness of hiring a top-rated sharing instructor.

 

[Guido]

Where is Oddball, is he back?

 

[Art Mann]

Nope ... but if he were here, Amy wouldn't have needed to post this because he already would have.

 

[Marvelous]

Who is oddball?.

 

[GreatDane]

Nope ... but if he were here, Amy wouldn't have needed to post this because he already would have.

Was he that famous?.

 

[SillyGirl]

Was he that famous?.

Infamous, really.

I miss him. Come back, Oddball. :frown::frown::frown::frown::frown:

 

[BEER]

Oddball it is not the same here without you. Can anyone tell me why he left?

 

[Bubba]

Oddball

 

[Ang]

My odd little friend.....I miss him too!! :frown:

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Your Horoscope This Week

Your Horoscope This Week

• [h=3]Aries | March 21 to April 19[/h]There truly is more than one way to skin a cat, but the limited market for cat skins makes learning more than three methods impractical.
  • [h=3]Taurus | April 20 to May 20[/h]Losing a limb can be a trying and traumatic experience, but you’ll be an expert at it by the end of the week.​
  • [h=3]Gemini | May 21 to June 20[/h]You thought the old gag with the banana peel was dead forever, and if it weren’t for you and a dumpster full of shattered fluorescent-light tubes, it would be.​
  • [h=3]Cancer | June 21 to July 22[/h]After exhausting every other conceivable option, you’ll finally give in this week and take a shower.​
  • [h=3]Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22[/h]Animal rights activists will accuse you of cruel and inhumane conduct, even though the chicken is already dead, and that’s just the way you eat wings.​
  • [h=3]Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22[/h]You’ll be credited with a new kind of piracy that is even less glamorous than “software” and “music,” and a hell of a lot less sexy than “butt.”​
  • [h=3]Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22[/h]Once all the goats are rounded up, the German tourists are extradited, and the syrup trucks are returned, you’ll have to admit that you never saw that one coming.​
  • [h=3]Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21[/h]They say no news is good news, but you’re beginning to suspect there’s a reason why those doctors keep avoiding your calls.
    
    ​
  • [h=3]Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21[/h]You always wondered which of your sins would send you to hell, but you never thought it would be tipping Roger $2.34 on a $60 check.
  • [h=3]Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19[/h]Strong eye contact and a firm handshake will help you to make significant strides in the world of being a humongous prick this week.​
  • [h=3]Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18[/h]You’ll balloon up to triple your weight after several months spent following a diet-book typo that told you to eat 16,000 calories a day.​
  • [h=3]Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20[/h]Being white and wealthy and privileged does have its share of advantages. That’s it.​
  
  

 

[ERecTile]

:LMAO: love the horror-scopes!

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

It's for this week

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Aries | March 21 to April 19

The stars would love nothing more than to reveal your future this week, but unfortunately, they’re just large luminous balls of plasma held together by gravity in space.


Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You might be nervous and intimidated and even a little scared, but take heart: Those women are just as frightened of you as you are of them.


Gemini | May 21 to June 20

A popular new idiom will soon be coined, thanks to you, that broken-down apple pie cart, and all those quarters tumbling out of your ass.



Cancer | June 21 to July 22

All the praying in the world can’t save you now. Quick, turn to demon worship and the black arts before it’s too late.



Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Alcohol, a case of mistaken identity, and two screaming ends of a pantomime horse will figure heavily this coming Thursday.


Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

As an educator, you always hoped you’d make a difference someday, which just goes to show that no one is ever to old to learn something new.


Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

You will once again bring out the very best in your local police, fire, and sanitation control departments.


Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Admitting to past mistakes is never easy, so it’s a good thing you happen to be an unrepentant bitch.


Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

Your hard work and dedication will finally pay off this week when you’re accepted into Harbard. Unfortunately for you, though, that’s not a typo.


Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

The stars indicate that this is a good week to start up new and steamy romances. Your office’s sexual harassment policy, however, indicates otherwise.


Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Long after the dust has settled, the smoke has cleared, and everyone has said their piece, you’ll still be standing there, asking a bunch of ridiculous questions.


Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

The little voices inside your head will continue to disagree over what to set fire to first.

 

[Bubba]

Thanks Amy EACE:

 

[papasmerf]

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Alcohol, a case of mistaken identity, and two screaming ends of a pantomime horse will figure heavily this coming Thursday.

Invading my dreams Amy???
Always welcome but please naked if you would.

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Aries | March 21 to April 19
Your bold, take-no-prisoners attitude has made you who you are today: one of the least successful criminal prosecutors in the country.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Despite your attempts to make it look like an accident, investigators will immediately suspect you of burning down your wife for the insurance money.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20
Your inquisitive nature will soon see you demanding answers to a series of questions ranging from “Huh?” to “Who the—?” and “Whazzat?

Cancer | June 21 to July 22
An agonizing and seemingly endless disemboweling will soon show you exactly what you’re made of.

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
You will soon meet the greatest love of your life, which, unfortunately, has less to do with the quality of the former than the brevity of the latter.

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
An old adage will be proven wrong this Thursday when bad things come to you in two-hundred-and-forty-threes.

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
Your perfectionist streak will consume you this week when you attempt to posit the world’s single most precise chaos theory.

Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
Who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong, except maybe for all those police officers, the presiding district court judge, and a horrified jury of your peers.

Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
After decades of soul-searching and inward reflection, you’ll finally realize this week that the question of God was always intended to be rhetorical.

Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, you will once again manage to talk your way out of sounding interesting this week.

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
The alignment of the stars and the planets this week can only mean one thing: You’re looking at a very simplistic, two-dimensional model of our solar system.

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
You’ve never really imagined yourself as the committed type, but a state-appointed psychiatrist will soon prove you wrong.

 

[Signingin]

LOL, some of them are funny.

 

[Wes]

[h=2]12. Everybody talks bad about the people who are born under Gemini sign, but it turns out that it is the least dangerous star sign![/h]

As they don’t take anybody seriously enough to kill or hurt them, Gemini people get blood on their hands least.
Or instead of killing them, they probably prefer boring people to death by talking and talking to them. It does make sense!
[h=2]11. Aquarius is the second most innocent zodiac sign![/h]

They care a lot about justice and have strong egos that can’t be smashed easily. We don’t know exactly why but these people are the second most innocent star sign after Gemini.
Or maybe, they don’t get caught because they are smart enough to not leave any evidence behind; and that’s how they don’t get caught and become a part of these statistics.
[h=2]10. Don’t be fooled by all that roaring, they are just cats! Leos also stay away from the trouble.[/h]

It was also mentioned that when a Leo commits murder, it is mostly to attract attention.
WOW!
[h=2]9. We know Libras as just, kind, and patient, but these people commit more murders than Leo and Aquarius, which is weird.[/h]

Well, even patience has its limits. It is likely that Libras resort to violence when others take advantage of their good intentions.
[h=2]8. An averagely psycho and very neat killer: Virgo![/h]We should point out that Virgos are more prone to theft and fraud rather than murders, though.
[h=2]7. You think Pisces people are cute? You are wrong.[/h]

John Wayne Gacy (aka Killer Clown), Richard Ramirez, and Aileen Wuornos (with her very sad story) are some of the most famous Pisces serial killers. People born under Pisces sign usually commit more extraordinary murders thanks to their tendency toward addiction.
[h=2]6. While the number of serial killers born under Capricorn sign is pretty average, the serial killer that murdered most people is a Capricorn![/h]
Although they are known for their respect for laws and rules, it seems that Capricorns shouldn’t be pissed off.
People born under Capricorn don’t kill often, but when they do, they go all the way!
[h=2]5. Aries people, who are known to be crazy, do not surprise.[/h]Their anger is abrupt but it doesn’t last long. That’s why we see Aries at the 5th place in this list. If you piss off an Aries, make sure you stay away from them for a while. Then they will forget why they got mad, to begin with.
[h=2]4. The wrath of Taurus is intense! But fraud is more common among these people than murder.[/h]

They like luxury, what can they do?
[h=2]3. And now the top three! Sagittarius takes the third place in our list![/h]
And these people don’t go for small-scale individual crimes. For example, Ted Bundy, Pablo Escobar, and Stalin were all Sagittarius.
They go for bigger crimes and kill in masses and announce themselves “leaders.”
[h=2]2. Official psychos! Scorpio takes the second place! Is there anybody who surprised?[/h]

Because most serial killers were born in November, the majority of them are Scorpios and the rest are Sagittarius. They are known to be sadistic murderers.

[h=2]1. The first in our list, the head of maniacs is surprisingly Cancer![/h]

They usually kill because of jealousy. Their mood swings seem to cause trouble!
We hope for the world where all star signs can live in peace!

 

[DannyDevito]

I am scared and petrified of cancer people.