WOW Thread. I can't believe this actually happened.

[papasmerf]

This has to be one of the most bizarre hi-jacks in the history of HUBGFEdom. :biggrin2:

I do try.


Death to all Infidel haters.........

Whoops, Sorry

 

[SiNbaD]

 

[blackram]

When they said extracting a lamp, I was thinking one of these things: :SayWhat?:

 

[Mason]

A husband left for vacation for 20 days.
Upon returning he took this picture of his wife. After close examination he asked her for a divorce as he determined she was cheating.

What did he see in the picture?

 

[User-E]

That she's smiling!


No I see the guy.

What? Where? I thought it was a used condom on the top shelf. Hmmmmmm

 

[blackram]

That she's smiling!


No I see the guy.

Really? I don't see anything. Maybe I see a pair of sunglasses that look manly, but they could be the husband's sunglasses. Other than that, nothing.

 

[bobistheowl]

I don't know if it's there anymore, but there is/ was a grocery store on Ste. Catherine St. in Montreal, near de la Montagne, right downtown, called Bywell's, (or Buywell's possibly. I thought Bywell was the name of the original owner, but it might have been a subliminal message), originally, but without the apostrophe - s at the end, after they changed the language laws. I actually worked there for two weeks once. It was the only job from which I was ever fired. There were five or six guys hired within a week before or after me, but also some other employees who had been there many years, so I think they just try a lot of different people for a week or two, and if they aren't overwhelmed, they bring a new one in, instead of wasting time with someone who doesn't seem to be a good fit.

Bywell's catered to the affluent market of condominium and apartment dwellers who walked to their shopping, and bought small amounts of fresh food regularly, without concern to the cost. All of the canned and jarred foods were way overpriced, compared to all supermarkets, but they had a lot of specialty foods that were very expensive, but top quality.

They sold fresh speckled trout. In the front of the store, there was a fish tank, with live trout swimming in it, maybe 30 at a time. There wasn't any gravel, shells or guy in diving suit that looks like the robot from Lost in Space, because it's a commercial fish tank, not an aquarium.

People would pick out the fish they wanted, and a store employee would steer it into the net. If he didn't catch that fish, another emploee would distract the customer for a moment, and the other guy would net a different fish instead. The live fish would then go to the butcher counter at the back, and the butcher would clean and gut the fish, then weigh it, and wrap it in sort of brownish-red waxed paper, seal that with tape, and write the price on the package with a magic marker.

Anyway, one time went I wasn't working there anymore, I saw a homeless guy starring at the fish tank for a few minutes. Then I saw him stick his hand in the water, and slick his hair back with the wet hand. This is the part that nobody believes is true, but I actually saw this. The homeless guy reached into the tank again, and caught one of the fish with his hand, lengthways, with the fish' belly in his palm. Then he squeezed the fish, so the fin on its back popped up. Then he combed his hair with the fish, using the fin on the fish' back! It was right out of an episode of The Flintstones, and I was the only eyewitness.

 

[Art Mann]

Gotta love ingenuity

. . . I saw a homeless guy staring at the fish tank for a few minutes. Then I saw him stick his hand in the water, and slick his hair back with the wet hand. This is the part that nobody believes is true, but I actually saw this. The homeless guy reached into the tank again, and caught one of the fish with his hand, lengthways, with the fish' belly in his palm. Then he squeezed the fish, so the fin on its back popped up. Then he combed his hair with the fish, using the fin on the fish' back! It was right out of an episode of The Flintstones, and I was the only eyewitness.

Great anecdote, bito. :good::good: Thanks for sharing.

 

[Art Mann]

A husband left for vacation for 20 days.
Upon returning he took this picture of his wife. After close examination he asked her for a divorce as he determined she was cheating.

What did he see in the picture?

Bullshit ... that's what he saw, but it was all the excuse he needed

I opened this photo in a new tab and upsized it to scour for the "evidence."

No male underwear on the floor, no used condoms, no battery-operated-boyfriend.

However, if I stare long and hard and let my imagination soar, I can mistake imperfections in the the headboard (right where the mattress meets the fan and phone wires) for an eye and a nose.

Bingo! She's busted!

Even if it's impossible for a human to contort into that position, even if the "body parts" are out of proportion, even if the whole concept is incredibly stupid.

Hey, it's the interwebbythingamajig. No need for logic or rational assumptions.

 

[FatherJuan]

 

[Art Mann]

Not on a horse, Primo ... not high, low or hobby ... so not worried about a nosebleed.

You say you "see the guy" but perhaps you could be more specific about where you "see" him.

Because I don't see a guy, and I don't see anybody else reporting here that they see a guy.

So I'm baffled.

Just seems like another urban legend "ghost in the wallpaper" kind of gag, totally lacking credibility.

But I'm open to your explanation, pal.

 

[papasmerf]

Not on a horse, Primo ... not high, low or hobby ... so not worried about a nosebleed.

You say you "see the guy" but perhaps you could be more specific about where you "see" him.

Because I don't see a guy, and I don't see anybody else reporting here that they see a guy.

So I'm baffled.

Just seems like another urban legend "ghost in the wallpaper" kind of gag, totally lacking credibility.

But I'm open to your explanation, pal.

if anyone understands an artistic take on a scene it is...........................................

 

[STU700]

Mom pulls daughter’s hair so hard it separates scalp from skull because 6-year-old couldn’t count to 12

CONWAY, Penn. — A mother is facing charges after authorities say she abused her daughter by violently pulling her hair, reports.
Officers were first alerted to the cause on Aug. 31 when hospital officials reported they were treating a 6-year-old girl with a head injury.

The injury was described as a separation of the victims scalp from her skull. This caused a void between the scalp and skull that filled with blood.
Doctors told police the injuries were likely the result of violent hair pulling and an impact to her left ear.
Once officers interviewed the girl’s mother, identified as Brittany Ruck, she admitted to pulling her daughter’s hair to get her attention.

The child told police her mother wanted her to count to 12 but she couldn’t.
“The little girl told us she could only count to 10 because she had 10 fingers, but she couldn’t count any higher. That’s when the mother grabbed her by her hair,” Officer Mike Priolo told WPXI.

The girl also told police that, on a separate occasion, her mother pulled her across the floor into a corner by her hair.
Ruck has three children and they have been placed with other family members.

https://myfox8.com/2014/10/17/mom-p...skull-because-6-year-old-couldnt-count-to-12/

 

[Tight]

Kinder Downfall in England being completely erased by high winds.

 

[User-E]

That's a very unique thing to see.

 

[VivaLV]

TORONTO - A man is dead and another is fighting for his life after a double stabbing at Canada's Wonderland early Sunday.
York Regional Police found the victims in the parking lot of the Vaughan amusement park. Officers were initially responding to a weapons call which came in around 12:30 a.m.

One of the men, believed to be in his 20s, died at the scene, police said. The other was rushed to hospital in critical condition.
Halloween Haunt, an annual event at Wonderland, had just closed for the night. The event runs from 7 p.m. until midnight on select nights in October.

Police want to talk to anyone who left the scene before officers arrived, or those who were at the scene and have not yet spoken to investigators. Witnesses can call police at 1-866-876-5423, ext. 7865, or Crime Stoppers anonymously at 1-800-222-TIPS (9477).




https://www.torontosun.com/2014/10/26/man-dies-after-double-stabbing-at-canadas-wonderland

 

[blackram]

Gunman asked to borrow car ‘for one day,’ then bought it for $650 | Ottawa Citizen

Gunman Michael Zehaf-Bibeau asked for a one-day loan of the car he used in his attack on the National War Memorial and Parliament Hill but ended up haggling down the price and paying cash for the rusting Toyota sedan.

The car owner’s daughter had posted an online ad for the vehicle Monday night, asking $700 for the grey 1995 Toyota Corolla. Her father’s English is very poor so she took the calls.

She received several inquiries from prospective buyers, including one from someone with a 613-area code phone number who identified himself as “Michael.”

The young woman, a University of Ottawa student who asked not be named, said Michael spoke unaccented English and told her he wanted to see the vehicle, she said, but he didn’t have any way to get to their home in the Carlington area.

“He said he really needed the car because he has problems getting around town and this was a good deal and he was interested in buying the car,” she said.

Zehaf-Bibeau said he could come by city bus from the Metcalfe Street area and told her he would arrive at 9 a.m. the next morning.

But shortly before 7 a.m. on Tuesday, she said, her father heard someone banging on the front door. The woman was sleeping as her father answered the door to a bearded man with long hair. He said he was there to buy the car, she said. Her father asked him to wait a moment, then went back into the house to get dressed.

Together, they test-drove the car. Zehaf-Bibeau agreed to buy it but offered $650 because the mileage was high.

They drove in the Toyota to the ServiceOntario office at Westgate Mall on Carling Avenue to transfer the ownership. The office hadn’t opened so they waited in line in the mall. An argument with a man in line ensued.

“He was talking very loudly, causing commotion,” she said her father told her. “He was speaking very loudly, obnoxiously.”

When the office opened an hour later, Zehaf-Bibeau continued to cause problems.

“The lady who works at the bureau told him, ‘Sir, this is an office. Please keep it down or take it outside.'”

MTO staff would not agree to process the sale of the vehicle because Zehaf-Bibeau had only an out-of-province driver’s licence. “The lady said we can’t do this. We need two pieces of ID.”

Zehaf-Bibeau asked if there was another office nearby and was referred by the clerk to the Ministry of Transportation offices on Walkley Road.

The two men drove across town to the Walkley location, off Bank Street south. Because of her father’s language problems, they didn’t speak much.

The clerk at the Walkley office also refused to process the transaction.

Zehaf-Bibeau asked if he could have another piece of ID faxed. The clerk gave him a fax number.

To arrange the fax, Zehaf-Bibeau tried to make a call on his cellphone but the call didn’t go through. He left briefly to buy a calling card and returned to use the payphone inside the MTO office.

“While he was using the payphone, he was screaming again. He was just swearing, constantly saying, ‘F—, f—, f—,’ ” the woman said. “He was always fidgeting. He was just a weird guy.”

The MTO clerk said it would take an hour-and-a-half to process the sale. The seller didn’t want to wait around that long so the clerk suggested he simply sign over the ownership card and remove the licence plates, his daughter said.

Then, the woman said, Zehaf-Bibeau asked her father to just let him use the car for one day.

“He was like, can I please just use the car for one day? Like, I really need to do something. Just leave the plates on because if you take them off I can’t really use the car. By tomorrow, I’ll bring the plates back,” she said Zehaf-Bibeau pleaded.

Her father would not agree but Zehaf-Bibeau bought the car, anyway, paying $650 in cash. Her father signed over the ownership, removed his plates and left the car with Zehaf-Bibeau.

According to a report in Montreal newspaper La Presse, Zehaf-Bibeau later took the Toyota to his aunt’s home in Mont-Tremblant, Que., about a two-hour drive from Ottawa, where he spent the night. He drove back to Ottawa the next morning and launched his deadly attack.

Even though the car had no licence plates, it does not appear that Zehaf-Bibeau was ever stopped by police on the trip. The vehicle had a printed order form for promotional calendars taped in the rear window that, from a distance, may have looked like a car dealer’s certificate.

The daughter of the car vendor was driving her mother to a medical appointment on Wednesday when she heard the news of the shooting on the radio. She pulled up the story on her phone and saw a reference to a Toyota Corolla with no licence plates, found between Parliament Hill and the National War Memorial.

Later, when she saw the man’s name and the photo of the vehicle, she realized it was her father’s old car.

On Wednesday, four RCMP officers came to the family’s home and interviewed them both about their encounter with Zehaf-Bibeau. She gave the police the number from her cellphone.

“It was really scary to think this man was some psycho killer,” the woman said. “My father was in the same car with him and in the bureau. It’s so scary.”

Note: A previous version of this story referred to a Ministry of Transportation office at the Westgate Mall. In fact, the office is now a ServiceOntario location but does process motor-vehicle transactions.

 

[Mason]

Gustavo Angel Tamayo of Bryan College in Tennessee had never played basketball, which is apparent in his awkward shooting stroke and the fact that he’s wearing a soccer jersey in the video below (he does play on the school’s soccer team, however). After a few lucky bounces on the layup, free-throw, and three-point shots, Gustavo drilled one off the backboard from half-court, beating the 30-second clock, winning $10,000 in tuition and proving once and for all practice is completely overrated/unnecessary.

 

[User-E]

Awesome!! :YMAPPLAUSE:

 

[bobistheowl]

This is a true story, and a joke.

Some years ago, I was displaced by a fire, and I lived in a rooming house for a while. I made a little extra pocket money while I was there selling loosies, (ie: single cigarettes, but usually 5-10 at a time per person). Almost everyone in the building smoked, and many didn't want to possess more than a few cigarettes at a time, because they couldn't say "No". to someone trying to bum a cigarette off them, so if they bought three, other people could only bum two of them. There was this one guy who never spoke to anyone. He had a bit of a Deliverance look to him, not like the banjo kid, but a lot like the guy who danced to the banjo music; flood pants, ruined fedora hat, and "bag hair" on his chin, long thin hairs, far apart, with a bit of curl. He was too proud to bum a smoke or receive one free, but he never had any money, either, so he would take butts out of the ashtray, and roll them in a strip of paper torn off the Metro newspaper, with coloured ink. That's hardcore.

But enough about him. There was this other guy who lived in the house named C$#Y, who had once been a high school basketball star. He was about six foot eight, and solid, originally from Jamaica. C$#Y and I weren't exactly friends, but we respected each other's juice. Sometimes he would come to me for small loans, and I would lend him money, but only with collateral. He smoked, but he always bummed from other people, so his interests did not conflict with mine. I loaned him $10 once, and I said I wanted to hold onto one of his CDs, my choice. He said OK, showed me his collection, and asked me which one I wanted. So I said "The one that's in your CD player now", and he didn't want to give that one up, so I got a Notorious B.I.G instead, and it was pretty good.

In the front of the house was a large frosted window, with a ledge about eighteen inches wide in front, about three feet off the ground. On day I saw C$#Y sitting in the sill, enjoying the warmth through the glass, with his eyes closed. So I snuck up on him very slowly, and when he was within arm's reach, I grasped the end of his foot with my hand. This startled him, and he opened his eyes and said "Hey! What are you doing?". I released my grip, and said "Eeny meenie minie moe". He thought it was hilarious.

Now I defend this joke, though many would consider it to be racist. I am aware of the original words of this children's 'count out' verse. But eeny meenie minie moe also sets out the rules of a children's game of stealth, patterned upon the Plains Indians' test of courage called Counting Coup. An Indian warrior would sneak into an enemy's camp, and touch him in some way, (a bit of paint, slap him on the face, etc.), then try to get away unharmed. In essence, he is telling the enemy that he could have slit his throat, if he had wanted to, but instead he would rather humiliate him. If the coup was successful, and the warrior returned unharmed, he would receive an eagle feather to add to his head dress. If he was unsuccessful, the enemy would make noise, awakening his allies, and they would beat the crap out of the guy who made too much noise. If the warrior made the touch, but failed to get away unscathed, he would receive his eagle feather, albeit painted red.

So, the words of the eeny meenie minie moe song are also the rules of the game, and date from about 1820, in the Antebellum South, where children might chance upon a person of African descent asleep outside during daylight. The object of the game is the same; to make the touch, and get away, without the 'prey' awakening. So, I lost the game. When C$#Y said "Hey! What are you doing?", I answered his question truthfully.