Maurice Boscorelli
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LMAO. Too late to take it back?.
Johnnybehorny
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More humor.
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this f*** badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your f*** BADGE........ ! !"
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this f*** badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your f*** BADGE........ ! !"
Irony or what :biggrin2:
Here is another one.
[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The Pope, a [FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]boy scout[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] and the smartest black man in the world are on an airplane. The engines fail, the plane starts going down, and there are only 2 parachutes. The smartest BM in the world says, "Due to my extraordinarily high intelligence, I believe it is imperative that I survive and continue to show my people the path to greatness." He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The Pope tells the boyscout, "I am an old man and I am ready to meet God, so you may use the remaining parachute, my son." The boyscout replies, "No, that's cool Pope, we both have parachutes because that BM just jumped out of the plane with my backpack."
Here is another one.
[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The Pope, a [FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]boy scout[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif] and the smartest black man in the world are on an airplane. The engines fail, the plane starts going down, and there are only 2 parachutes. The smartest BM in the world says, "Due to my extraordinarily high intelligence, I believe it is imperative that I survive and continue to show my people the path to greatness." He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The Pope tells the boyscout, "I am an old man and I am ready to meet God, so you may use the remaining parachute, my son." The boyscout replies, "No, that's cool Pope, we both have parachutes because that BM just jumped out of the plane with my backpack."
Maurice Boscorelli
Senior Member
- Joined
- May 30, 2010
- Messages
- 19,322
- Thread starter
- #11
Maurice Boscorelli
Senior Member
- Joined
- May 30, 2010
- Messages
- 19,322
- Thread starter
- #14
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but then her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
Then I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul-mouthed sex-obsessed pig!" she retorted indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Whooza talkin' about sex?"
"I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to a spell 'Mississippi'!"
"Emma come first.
Then I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul-mouthed sex-obsessed pig!" she retorted indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Whooza talkin' about sex?"
"I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to a spell 'Mississippi'!"
No English dictionary has been able to explain adequately the difference between those two words. In a recently held linguistic competition held in London, England, attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelor s Adventure was the clear winner with a standing ovation lasting over five minutes. Here is his answer which made him receive an invitation to dine with the Queen, who decided to call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado rum for his answer.
The question was this.
How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is Mr. Balgobin's astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
The question was this.
How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is Mr. Balgobin's astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
That's him on Aisle 5 - he never knew what hit him..
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
That's him on Aisle 5 - he never knew what hit him..
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Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken
ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam
to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat
them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
No need to thank me, try to learn something new every day.
ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam
to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat
them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
No need to thank me, try to learn something new every day.
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