Maurice Boscorelli
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- 19,322
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- #21
- Thread starter Maurice Boscorelli
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A
Art Mann
Guest
A salesman boards an airplane and takes his seat, executive class. He's looking forward to a week-long training conference in Chicago. Settling in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane and heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she takes the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurts out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
Struggling to maintain composure, the salesman calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she says. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he responds. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she says, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
"Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent who are the best.
"I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman blushes.
"I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," says the salesman.
"Tonto Goldstein, but my friends all call me Bubba."
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurts out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
Struggling to maintain composure, the salesman calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she says. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he responds. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she says, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
"Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent who are the best.
"I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman blushes.
"I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," says the salesman.
"Tonto Goldstein, but my friends all call me Bubba."
A
Art Mann
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cycleguy007
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2012
- Messages
- 202
Winter driving tip:
Driving in the snow is like eating pussy
If you don't slow down and pay attention you could
Slide into the asshole in front of you!
Be careful this winter!
(I guess that makes me a horrible winter driver then! :blush2: :rofl!
Driving in the snow is like eating pussy
If you don't slow down and pay attention you could
Slide into the asshole in front of you!
Be careful this winter!
(I guess that makes me a horrible winter driver then! :blush2: :rofl!
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."
A
Art Mann
Guest
PussyScientist
Senior Member
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2011
- Messages
- 230
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.
She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
For some reason, wives tend to like this joke........
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.
She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"
For some reason, wives tend to like this joke........
H
HOF
Guest
Winter driving tip:
Driving in the snow is like eating pussy
If you don't slow down and pay attention you could
Slide into the asshole in front of you!
Be careful this winter!
(I guess that makes me a horrible winter driver then! :blush2: :rofl!
In this case, it wouldn't be bad at all!!
H
HOF
Guest
H
HOF
Guest
All three at once!
*_Ole..... A born salesman_*
Ole, the smoothest-talking Swede in the Minnesota National
Guard, got called up to active duty.
Ole's first assignment was in a military induction center.
Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of
advising new recruits about government benefits, especially
the GI life insurance, to which they were entitled.
The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a
99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of
GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these
low-income recruits $30 per month for the higher coverage,
compared to what the government was already providing at no
charge.
The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the
next briefing and observe Ole's sales pitch.
Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said,
"If you haf da normal GI insurans an' yoo go to Afghanistan
an' get yourself killed, da governmen' pays yer beneficiary
$20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich
cost you only t'irty dollars a mont , den da governmen' got
ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000!"
"Now," Ole concluded, "Vich bunch you tink dey gonna send ta
Afghanistan first?"
Ole, the smoothest-talking Swede in the Minnesota National
Guard, got called up to active duty.
Ole's first assignment was in a military induction center.
Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of
advising new recruits about government benefits, especially
the GI life insurance, to which they were entitled.
The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a
99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of
GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these
low-income recruits $30 per month for the higher coverage,
compared to what the government was already providing at no
charge.
The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the
next briefing and observe Ole's sales pitch.
Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said,
"If you haf da normal GI insurans an' yoo go to Afghanistan
an' get yourself killed, da governmen' pays yer beneficiary
$20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich
cost you only t'irty dollars a mont , den da governmen' got
ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000!"
"Now," Ole concluded, "Vich bunch you tink dey gonna send ta
Afghanistan first?"
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