Help Maurice Boscorelli - I need to gain weight

[Cardinal Fang]

Ok so get your snarky comments out of the way so I can get to real information in this thread.

I've struggled with weight all my life. More accurately the lack of it as my metabolism is very high. I eat what I think are balanced meals and given my family history of high blood pressure I stay away from certain foods and stress. But I'm thin. Thin to the point of it bothering me. So much so that I can disappear behind a telephone pole if I tried. I'm coming up on an age I'd rather not mention and I want to make an effort to gain weight. Everyone I've talked to about this just tells me to start eating junk food. I'm pretty sure they're wrong.

Maurice I want to gain weight and start to working. How do I do this and what do I do given my "warp speed" metabolism. And I do realize that there are worse problems to have in life so I'll add this to the list of my issues to make some of you feel better:

1. I'm strangely inappropriate around women and Goober.
2. I think I look very much unlike George Clooney.
3. I have a high sex drive and the capacity to last 10 seconds.
4. My body makes strange noises when I write.

 

[Manuel]

Eat Pizza, Lasagna, Meatballs, Fatty steaks. In a month you can thank me but don't forget to exercise to keep your body toned.

Sorry I can't help you about your 10 seconds problem.

 

[SillyGirl]

I once tried to gain weight by eating nothing but junk food. After two weeks I felt terrible and had lost 4 lbs.

Now I can gain just by looking at junk food. Go figure. :dontknow:

 

[papasmerf]

Drinking sugared pop with you meals will add to your weight.

having bread with you pasta will do it too.

eating a large breakfast will kick start you appetite for the entire day.

 

[Prick]

Ask Bazerko for advice. He is good at giving it.


What snarky comments ancing:

 

[Maurice Boscorelli]

I'm going to go to the gym now and I'll give this a lot of thought and get back to you tonight.

 

[Swagger]

Eat bacon for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

[Guido]

Cardinal buddy, just hang around me for a week. I'll plump you up and let you wear one of my speedos!

 

[Jesus Quintana]

Dianabol, and HGH. You'll pack on the pounds in no time.

 

[BEER]

Need I need to say EACE:

 

[Cardinal Fang]

I'm going to go to the gym now and I'll give this a lot of thought and get back to you tonight.

Much appreciated Maurice.

To the rest of you I was expecting to get roasted alive. You people are far too kind. :wink2:

 

[Guido]

To the rest of you I was expecting to get roasted alive.

It's because we much prefer roast piglet you skinny assed twirp!

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Ok, we're getting better. :clapping2:

 

[peace]

:LMAO:

 

[Maurice Boscorelli]

Okay here's a few suggestions from the precinct.

Firstly is it possible that you have an over active thyroid?

What are your current testosterone levels?

Your GP can run some simple blood tests to determine these values. For both your thyroid function as well as your test levels.

Since your libido seems just fine I would assume your testosterone levels are just fine but it would help to know just the same.

Naturopathic docs prefer the ''bioavailable'' test (which of course OHIP doesn't cover) while the allopathic docs will order a free testosterone analysis.

Personally I would go for the bioavailable but it all might be splitting hairs.

You are right about one thing. Eating junk food on a consistent basis is just asking for long term health problems. So not recommended.

Go to https://www.calorieking.com/ and figure for about a week how many calories you are consuming each day and if possible the maconutrient breakdown of your meals on a daily basis. This will require some effort but it will give me an idea of how you are eating right now. Oh and by macronutient I mean the % of carbs/protein/fat. It's calculator time here,lol.

So get those things done and then get back too me and we will go from there.

 

[Jesus Quintana]

Ok so get your snarky comments out of the way so I can get to real information in this thread.

I can't believe that no one said "SUPERSIZE ME"!!!!

 

[Maurice Boscorelli]

Dianabol, and HGH. You'll pack on the pounds in no time.

Dianabol was discontinued in the early 80's by Ciba. The generic equivalent Methandrostenolone is available in most gyms in North America.

However it is being manufactured in unlicensed underground labs so quality control is a major concern.

HGH is an interesting compound in that on it's own it doesn't do much but combine it with testosterone or a testosterone derivative and there will be a dramatic shift in body composition.

 

[Jesus Quintana]

Dianabol was discontinued in the early 80's by Ciba. The generic equivalent Methandrostenolone is available in most gyms in North America.
However it is being manufactured in unlicensed underground labs so quality control is a major concern.
HGH is an interesting compound in that on it's own it doesn't do much but combine it with testosterone or a testosterone derivative and there will be a dramatic shift in body composition.

I haven't looked into 'Roid's since my university days, so I honestly have no knowledge of the current variations.

 

[Maurice Boscorelli]

I haven't looked into 'Roid's since my university days, so I honestly have no knowledge of the current variations.

Unfortunately it was an occupational hazard for me.

I don't recommend anabolic andogenic steroids (AAS) at all and if anyone wants the low down on doing them, then I would be to happy to tell them what the gym rats won't discuss.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Okay here's a few suggestions from the precinct.

Firstly is it possible that you have an over active thyroid?

What are your current testosterone levels?

Your GP can run some simple blood tests to determine these values. For both your thyroid function as well as your test levels.

Since your libido seems just fine I would assume your testosterone levels are just fine but it would help to know just the same.

Naturopathic docs prefer the ''bioavailable'' test (which of course OHIP doesn't cover) while the allopathic docs will order a free testosterone analysis.

Personally I would go for the bioavailable but it all might be splitting hairs.

You are right about one thing. Eating junk food on a consistent basis is just asking for long term health problems. So not recommended.

Go to https://www.calorieking.com/ and figure for about a week how many calories you are consuming each day and if possible the maconutrient breakdown of your meals on a daily basis. This will require some effort but it will give me an idea of how you are eating right now. Oh and by macronutient I mean the % of carbs/protein/fat. It's calculator time here,lol.

So get those things done and then get back too me and we will go from there.

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

I can answer a few questions off the bat because I just had my physical last month because my GP had similar concerns.

1. Thyroid is fine. Was tested and determined to be normal.
2. Testosterone levels as well are good.
3. Prostrate checked out ok although I was struggling not to have an erection during the test.

I'll get back to you on that link you gave me. Seems like a good read.

One of the things that has struck me as odd is when I eat I eat until I'm full. Then 30 min later I'm hungry again. Before going to bed I'm also hungry. I used to have a snack before going to bed and then the crazy dreams started. Overall, I'm hungry but not gaining anything.