Jokes & Funny Stuff - part deux

[cristy]

 

[ROBERTSON]

Another old joke.

Guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar, and sees a mouse sitting on the liquor shelf.

Then says to the bar tender, he bud, did you know there is a mouse behind you on the shelf ?

The bar tender says, oh ya, that's my pet mickey.

The customer asks if the mouse can do tricks, the bar tender says sure, he can find out what colour undies the women here are wearing.
So he tells his pet to go check out the blond, his pet comes back and whispers in the bar tenders ear, red.
Wow says the customer, can he do it again, so the bar tender sends him to check out a red head, he comes back and whispers, black.

The customer pleads, one more time, so he is sent to check out a brunet, he comes back all nervous and shaky, the bar tender asks whats wrong mickey, the mouse whispers,... I tawt I taw a puddy tat.

 

[cristy]

On this religious day.....or any other day perhaps....don't be like "John"......listen to the "Lord"

And the Lord said unto John,
"come forth and you will receive eternal life"
But John didn't listen. nor try....he came fifth, and instead, won a toaster

 

[cristy]

John told his wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high......she looked surprised...

 

[cristy]

 

[cristy]

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

 

[Leo]

 

[cristy]

 

[demien3k5]

 

[cristy]

 

[cristy]

 

[cristy]

 

[cristy]

Some funny stuff on this guy's twitter @BrentTerhune

 

[cristy]

 

[cristy]

 

[cristy]