U
User-E
Guest
Transient said:
ROFLMAO! :LMAO:
- Thread starter jiggyjiggy
- Start date
- Status
ROFLMAO! :LMAO:
A
Al Bumin
Guest
If Apple made a car.
Would it have windows?.
Would it have windows?.
A
Art Mann
Guest
Yup.
And they'd work perfectly ... with a simple touch of a button.
And they'd work perfectly ... with a simple touch of a button.
A
Al Bumin
Guest
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
(A letter Santa received)
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice"
contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meis****urger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for you fatboy and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your stuff wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt
people that if I described them right now, you'd toss up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your moma's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you're behind and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That's what I thought, you little tool.
Santa
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
(A letter Santa received)
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice"
contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meis****urger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for you fatboy and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your stuff wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt
people that if I described them right now, you'd toss up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your moma's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you're behind and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That's what I thought, you little tool.
Santa
U
User-E
Guest
Oilcan said:
:rofl!:
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The busy flight attendant smiled and said, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Why, Yes, she did."
"Well then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest alwayspulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you."
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The busy flight attendant smiled and said, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Why, Yes, she did."
"Well then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest alwayspulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you."
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2010
- Messages
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[h=1]Meet "Overly Suave IT Guy" 12 more jokes in links.[/h]
[h=1][/h]
https://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/meet-overly-suave-it-guy
[h=1][/h]
https://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/meet-overly-suave-it-guy
An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”.
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.
The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever.
Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna fuck her when I get her pyjamas off”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a gin.....................................................................................................................................and tonic. The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big pause?" The bear replies, "I was born with 'em!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuffed into his pants. Bartender says "What's up with the paper towel?" The pirate says, "Arrrrr...there's a bounty on me head!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A nazi walks into a BAR. He dies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint." The second asks for half a pint. The third asks for a quarter of a pint. "Alright, you fucking idiots," the bartender says, and he pours two pints.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a beer, Descartes says "I think not" and disappears.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bartender exclaims "What is this, a joke?"
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.
The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever.
Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna fuck her when I get her pyjamas off”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a gin.....................................................................................................................................and tonic. The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big pause?" The bear replies, "I was born with 'em!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuffed into his pants. Bartender says "What's up with the paper towel?" The pirate says, "Arrrrr...there's a bounty on me head!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A nazi walks into a BAR. He dies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint." The second asks for half a pint. The third asks for a quarter of a pint. "Alright, you fucking idiots," the bartender says, and he pours two pints.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a beer, Descartes says "I think not" and disappears.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bartender exclaims "What is this, a joke?"
Last edited:
Johnnybehorny
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