crackerjack
Reviewer
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2009
- Messages
- 135
Have not been getting any hay on me fork lately. Been outta the dooger-dunkin circuit waaaaayyyy to long and the wife has gone missing for the past month. After filing a missing persons report,,,, cops advise me to prepare for the worse. Guess that means a return trip to the thrift shop to pick up her clothes - but I digress. Needless to say; my other significant other (aka Lil’Head) has been backing up worst than a sperm whale in the rut. Feeling a might concerned ‘bout the monk-ly existence of my lil one-eyed digit,,,, I blinked. Grieves me to admit,,,,,but,,,,,once againnnnnnnnnnn,,,,,found myself salivating over the usual litany of Triple–XXX porn offerings. Popped a handful of Viagaras to keep the boy at full throttle and hiked ‘er out the front porch lickety-split to see a woman about a vagina.
https://www.hotpinklist.com/ladies-more.php?id=60
With bouts of nervous anticipation,,,,, gingerly rapped on the door causing it to mysteriously open. Stepped into the nookie zone and spun about to find an ebony waif of a lass,,,, meagerly attired in Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret. Dispensed with the usual salutations, dropped the donation and me knickers. Her phlegmatic greeting set the spidey senses ablaze as her disenchantment bowled me over. Poo-poo’d it off to first timer jitters. Took the obligatory shower, scrubbing the naughty bits spic ‘n span and bee-lined it back to the room only to find Kayla mindlessly pacing about. WTF??!! Finally came to her senses realizing there was a naked man standing in her midst and timidly stepped into my presence. After an embrace,,,, applied copious amounts of perv mauling to her match-stick sized frame. Attempted LK to her luscious lips but all efforts were thwarted courtesy of the dreaded head turn.
PHUCK! HATE IT WHEN THEY DO THAT!
Soldiered on in spite of her man-repellant reluctance to engage. Twirled her about removing aforementioned garments thus permitting hands free range across her breasts while kissing her neck and shoulders. The naughty fingers ssssllllooowwwwly made their way south taunting and teasing her curves. Fingered her snapper long enough to be rewarded with hints of lactating pussy juice. More heavy petting ensued on the sheets. She pulled, stroked, caressed Lil’Head in carnal fashion. Spidey senses were tingling when she opened up to LFK as we locked lips and loins. Pressed the boy hard against her ass cleavage and feigned a fucking motion all the while stroking her mildred. A juicey trickle ran down her inner thigh and her acquiescent moans caught the notorious attentions of Lil’Head. With the lad’s throbbing impatience sexponentially multiplying,,, reached for a B.F. Goodrich and festooned the boy in rubber. Guided the lil creep snout first betwixt her legs for a mission in mish and thrust me guts out. Didn’t want the lad to blow to soon,,,,so I flipped her over for a lesson in doggy. Banged away willy-nilly with me balls madly slapping against her back door.
Nanoseconds later,,,felt the onset of a substantial oyster forming in the back of the lad’s throat. With a shudder,,,followed by hearty “PPPHHUUCCCKK MEEEE!” vocals ,,,,the boy blew a kilotonne of frothy hot baby batter,,,, scorching the walls of her cum dumpster. Damn near tore myself a new asshole too. Collapsed on top of the poor dear like a busted Ken doll. Shot a downward glance to find my dismembered member half hanging outta the condom displaying a total loss of all vital signs.
FUCK! Bet that’s gonna hurt in the morning.
Gentlemen……….By the Numbers:
Face: 6.5
Not exactly Bond girl material,,, nor would she scare a horse off his oats either. Pretty much your average chocolate chip chick next door. Noted wirey, disheveled, looonnngg black hair reaching for the crack of her ass,,, framing her black eyes and full lips. At first glance not the type of fluff I’m usually attracted to. Cannot with all honesty say you would rubber-neck her while whizzing thru the Eaton’s Centre on pecker patrol.
Body: 7
Guesstimating early 20something; 5’5”ish spit of a lass barely topping the scales at a whopping 90 lbs. A genuine spinnerette from every possible angle with a bod dipped in molasses. She sported a whippet thin figure with an ass-tastic ass small enough to fit inside a teacup. That butt was firm enough to crack a chestnut between the cheeks of her glutimus minimus. However; being a big boob connoisseur gotta admit she had impossibly small tits to work with (major points loss here). Nevertheless; much to my delight,,,was greeted with supersized eye-poking nipples similar to an oriental chick of likewise proportions. In any respect, her nips appreciated lascivious treatments. Fortunately no tats defaced her form but her navel was accessorized with a rather elegant piece of shrapnel. Oddly enough,,,,did notice a peculiar smokey woodstove aroma on her vixen flesh in spite of the prominent absence of said appliance.
Personality: 7
At the get go her lackluster greeting and ho-hum self was all to evident. Had that sinking feeling this was precedence for yet another dismal crash and burn phuckfest. Has a strong subdued or demure personality and not one to take charge of an over-the-top GFE sexcapade. Her initial detachment did fade as the clock ticked down and a modest GFE persona started to shine thru late into the session. Suspect her passiveness and disinclination to connect may be shyness related, which may dissipate with repeated adventures.
Session (GFE/PSE Fun Factor): 8
Tough to put an accurate number on this one. Gotta admit I’m not one for spinners unless they have au naturale Holstein sized hooters. BUT!!! ,,,,,given the scale of her tiny hips; Lil’Head looked absolutely ENOURMOUS!!! sawing back and forth between her legs. A rare feat considering the boy is just two inches shy of being a woman. With this ego boosting vision,,, the girl offered up a vein-popping performance. Hence, my mathematical dilemma.
Facilities: 4
In a word,,,,,tired,,,,,dull,,,,,lifeless.
Ok,,,that was 3 words but even a fresh coat of Sherwin-Williams would be radical. Just do not expect a Beverly Hills brothel with fancy in room ball washer. And that washroom,,,,,,YYYEEEESSSH! Made me cringe at the thought of putting a toe in the tub lest some extra-testicle life form wrestle me down the drain. You might reconsider bathing in the laundromat six floors down.
Losses:
$120 hh.
Repeat:
A definite maybe. Especially if the facilities are fortunate enough to receive attentions from Molly Maid.
Closing Arguments:
Given her emotionally constipated greeting ,,was certain this was yet another misadventure in manwhoring. Also, given her cadaverous size,,,had a niggling feeling it would be problematic to cram the ham into her. Fortunately the gods were smiling as she took a solid porking sans 911 medical mishaps. For you sportsmen who are blessed schlongitudinally in the nether region may I suggest packing a shoehorn in your emergency hobby kit for extra leverage. For the rest of us pencil dicks I recommend putting your boy in soft; let him get hard,,,,and hope no bones crack. In any regard if you are looking to pollinate an ebony spinnerette offering a remorseless encounter and permissiveness without affection - she’s your girl.
On a side note,,,,man ‘o man,,,,gotta tell you those cock stiffening pills are the cat’s meow. Two days later and I’m still sporting a King-Kong sized erection of biblical proportions. Getting a little concerned though with the purpley-black discoloration,,,,and decided to visit my physician Dr. Ho Lee Cow. He say, “Ahhhh,,,You no worry. Two, three day it faa off on its own.”
Gentlemen, it’s the kid’s inheritance. Be careful out there!
Good day and good farmin’
https://www.hotpinklist.com/ladies-more.php?id=60
With bouts of nervous anticipation,,,,, gingerly rapped on the door causing it to mysteriously open. Stepped into the nookie zone and spun about to find an ebony waif of a lass,,,, meagerly attired in Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret. Dispensed with the usual salutations, dropped the donation and me knickers. Her phlegmatic greeting set the spidey senses ablaze as her disenchantment bowled me over. Poo-poo’d it off to first timer jitters. Took the obligatory shower, scrubbing the naughty bits spic ‘n span and bee-lined it back to the room only to find Kayla mindlessly pacing about. WTF??!! Finally came to her senses realizing there was a naked man standing in her midst and timidly stepped into my presence. After an embrace,,,, applied copious amounts of perv mauling to her match-stick sized frame. Attempted LK to her luscious lips but all efforts were thwarted courtesy of the dreaded head turn.
PHUCK! HATE IT WHEN THEY DO THAT!
Soldiered on in spite of her man-repellant reluctance to engage. Twirled her about removing aforementioned garments thus permitting hands free range across her breasts while kissing her neck and shoulders. The naughty fingers ssssllllooowwwwly made their way south taunting and teasing her curves. Fingered her snapper long enough to be rewarded with hints of lactating pussy juice. More heavy petting ensued on the sheets. She pulled, stroked, caressed Lil’Head in carnal fashion. Spidey senses were tingling when she opened up to LFK as we locked lips and loins. Pressed the boy hard against her ass cleavage and feigned a fucking motion all the while stroking her mildred. A juicey trickle ran down her inner thigh and her acquiescent moans caught the notorious attentions of Lil’Head. With the lad’s throbbing impatience sexponentially multiplying,,, reached for a B.F. Goodrich and festooned the boy in rubber. Guided the lil creep snout first betwixt her legs for a mission in mish and thrust me guts out. Didn’t want the lad to blow to soon,,,,so I flipped her over for a lesson in doggy. Banged away willy-nilly with me balls madly slapping against her back door.
Nanoseconds later,,,felt the onset of a substantial oyster forming in the back of the lad’s throat. With a shudder,,,followed by hearty “PPPHHUUCCCKK MEEEE!” vocals ,,,,the boy blew a kilotonne of frothy hot baby batter,,,, scorching the walls of her cum dumpster. Damn near tore myself a new asshole too. Collapsed on top of the poor dear like a busted Ken doll. Shot a downward glance to find my dismembered member half hanging outta the condom displaying a total loss of all vital signs.
FUCK! Bet that’s gonna hurt in the morning.
Gentlemen……….By the Numbers:
Face: 6.5
Not exactly Bond girl material,,, nor would she scare a horse off his oats either. Pretty much your average chocolate chip chick next door. Noted wirey, disheveled, looonnngg black hair reaching for the crack of her ass,,, framing her black eyes and full lips. At first glance not the type of fluff I’m usually attracted to. Cannot with all honesty say you would rubber-neck her while whizzing thru the Eaton’s Centre on pecker patrol.
Body: 7
Guesstimating early 20something; 5’5”ish spit of a lass barely topping the scales at a whopping 90 lbs. A genuine spinnerette from every possible angle with a bod dipped in molasses. She sported a whippet thin figure with an ass-tastic ass small enough to fit inside a teacup. That butt was firm enough to crack a chestnut between the cheeks of her glutimus minimus. However; being a big boob connoisseur gotta admit she had impossibly small tits to work with (major points loss here). Nevertheless; much to my delight,,,was greeted with supersized eye-poking nipples similar to an oriental chick of likewise proportions. In any respect, her nips appreciated lascivious treatments. Fortunately no tats defaced her form but her navel was accessorized with a rather elegant piece of shrapnel. Oddly enough,,,,did notice a peculiar smokey woodstove aroma on her vixen flesh in spite of the prominent absence of said appliance.
Personality: 7
At the get go her lackluster greeting and ho-hum self was all to evident. Had that sinking feeling this was precedence for yet another dismal crash and burn phuckfest. Has a strong subdued or demure personality and not one to take charge of an over-the-top GFE sexcapade. Her initial detachment did fade as the clock ticked down and a modest GFE persona started to shine thru late into the session. Suspect her passiveness and disinclination to connect may be shyness related, which may dissipate with repeated adventures.
Session (GFE/PSE Fun Factor): 8
Tough to put an accurate number on this one. Gotta admit I’m not one for spinners unless they have au naturale Holstein sized hooters. BUT!!! ,,,,,given the scale of her tiny hips; Lil’Head looked absolutely ENOURMOUS!!! sawing back and forth between her legs. A rare feat considering the boy is just two inches shy of being a woman. With this ego boosting vision,,, the girl offered up a vein-popping performance. Hence, my mathematical dilemma.
Facilities: 4
In a word,,,,,tired,,,,,dull,,,,,lifeless.
Ok,,,that was 3 words but even a fresh coat of Sherwin-Williams would be radical. Just do not expect a Beverly Hills brothel with fancy in room ball washer. And that washroom,,,,,,YYYEEEESSSH! Made me cringe at the thought of putting a toe in the tub lest some extra-testicle life form wrestle me down the drain. You might reconsider bathing in the laundromat six floors down.
Losses:
$120 hh.
Repeat:
A definite maybe. Especially if the facilities are fortunate enough to receive attentions from Molly Maid.
Closing Arguments:
Given her emotionally constipated greeting ,,was certain this was yet another misadventure in manwhoring. Also, given her cadaverous size,,,had a niggling feeling it would be problematic to cram the ham into her. Fortunately the gods were smiling as she took a solid porking sans 911 medical mishaps. For you sportsmen who are blessed schlongitudinally in the nether region may I suggest packing a shoehorn in your emergency hobby kit for extra leverage. For the rest of us pencil dicks I recommend putting your boy in soft; let him get hard,,,,and hope no bones crack. In any regard if you are looking to pollinate an ebony spinnerette offering a remorseless encounter and permissiveness without affection - she’s your girl.
On a side note,,,,man ‘o man,,,,gotta tell you those cock stiffening pills are the cat’s meow. Two days later and I’m still sporting a King-Kong sized erection of biblical proportions. Getting a little concerned though with the purpley-black discoloration,,,,and decided to visit my physician Dr. Ho Lee Cow. He say, “Ahhhh,,,You no worry. Two, three day it faa off on its own.”
Gentlemen, it’s the kid’s inheritance. Be careful out there!
Good day and good farmin’
