Politically incorrect, rude, disgusting, distasteful joke of the day

[FUKUMAN]

 

[bobistheowl]

Mike Tyson is arrested for physically assaulting a woman at a bar. At his arraignment, the Judge asks him how he pleads.

Mike, (with high pitched 'Mike Tyson' voice): "I plead not guilty, by reason of misunderstanding".

Judge: "In all my years on the bench, I've never heard that one before. Would you mind telling us what happened?".

Mike: "Yeah, sure. So, I'm in this bar with my manager, Don King, and Don, he says to me 'Hey Mike, you see that lady over at the bar? I think she likes you. You should take her out'"

 

[bobistheowl]

How did The Holy Ghost impregnate the Virgin Mary, without her knowing?

He used The Holy Roofy.

 

[anon1]

How do get a nun pregnant?



Dress her up as an altar boy.

 

[oldguyzer]

How do get a nun pregnant?



Dress her up as an altar boy.

Baz will damn you to hell for that. :biggrin2:

 

[bobistheowl]

What do they call the yellow crayon, in China?

Fresh.

 

[bobistheowl]

Now that Breast Cancer Awareness Month is over, and guys can stop wearing the white shirt washed in a hot load, with a red sock in there by mistake, I wonder how many ladies we'll see unbleaching their mustaches for Movember?

 

[bobistheowl]

I did a T-Shirt design for a Pro Choice rally. It had a picture of Joan Crawford, and the caption was No Wire Hangers EVER!

 

[bobistheowl]

A guy and his significant other are driving, and she says to him "Can you pull over at that drug store, and run inside for me? I need Midol.

So the guy goes in, and comes back in a couple of minutes with a large bag, and says "They didn't have Midol, so I got you My Little Pony, instead".

 

[papasmerf]

A guy and his significant other are driving, and she says to him "Can you pull over at that drug store, and run inside for me? I need Midol.

So the guy goes in, and comes back in a couple of minutes with a large bag, and says "They didn't have Midol, so I got you My Little Pony, instead".

Here

I recommend 3 cups per hour for the next 3 hours

 

[bobistheowl]

In 1970, in Germany, a woman had unprotected sex with two different men, on the same day. One of the men was a German businessman, and the other was an African-American soldier, billeted at a local army base. She was ovulating at the time, and nine months later, she gave birth to fraternal twin sons, one of whom was white, and one of whom was black, so she named her sons Edward and Enward.

 

[bobistheowl]

A cop stops a guy on the street, because he resembles a robbery suspect. The cop asks the guy where he was born. The guy says "Somalia". The cop says "Oh, and which alley was that, sir?".

 

[bobistheowl]

There was a mechanic named Fred,
Whose dick had a corkscrew shaped head.

He found, having hunted,
A girl, corkscrew-cunted,

But, a lass with a Fred-reversed thread.

 

[bobistheowl]

Once I was sitting in a Burger King in Montreal. Six latinas walked in, and sat across from me. The one on the far end was wearing a shiny gloss on her lips, which became slippery after she drank some of her soft drink. I thought to myself: The sixth spic chick's lipstick's slick.

 

[bobistheowl]

Q: What's in the center of a gold medal, at the Special Olympics?

A: Chocolate.

 

[bobistheowl]

Build a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

 

[bobistheowl]

The Newfie and the Catholic priest are walking through the red light district, and they're offered dates for several street walkers. The priest says: "That certainly is an eyesore..."', and the Newfie says "There's an even better one on the next corner, father".

 

[bobistheowl]

The Newfie is in confessional. He says "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I've been having sex with dogs". The priest says "That's a disgrace, my son. How low can a man go?". The Newfie says: "I don't know, maybe a Jack Russell?".