Random shit I've recently been thinking about

[Art Mann]

Yes, but how much beer did you drink?

Yes, but how much beer did you drink?

9) I lost it on a really pretty girl today when she asked if I would like a pint of beer, or a 60 oz. 'Real Man's Beer'. "Are you saying that I'm not a real man if I don't have the big beer? It sounds to me like you are equating the size of a beer with the size of a man's penis... Only real men have big dicks, is that what you are saying? Only small, wimpy men with small dicks drink the small beer? How the hell does the size of a beer determine ones manliness?" Obviously I didn't come this morning.

Enquiring minds would like to know ... what did the barmaid deliver?

 

[Blank_Dave]

1) Getting laid has never been easier. I just can't understand how any man has problems finding a civilian woman and getting laid. I just don't get freaking get it.

I know HOF complains I sound like cute-bald when I say this but.....

Combine equal parts of Lack of Self Confidence and Lack of Self Esteem. Gently fold in Social Exclusion and Defectiveness schemas. Season to taste with fear and mistrust. Add a dab of Body Dysmorphia. Glaze with FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), and sprinkle with Self Consciousness and Lack of Experience.

Where you say some people have "it", I have the exact opposite, I have "shit". The only looks I seem to get are they "I hope he doesn't even come this way" look of disgust/fear.

3) Check your balls regularly for lumps and growths. Just had the scare of my life thinking I had testicular cancer. Fuck me, weekly checks from now on. Oh, and while I'm still on it, if you are over 40 might as well get a yearly prostate check too.

CG just has Mrs CG do that for him.

6) Depression sucks ass.

Tell me about it.

8) Gay men are really attracted to me for some reason. I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity to be down with it, at least someone is looking.

Hell, even the gay men ignore me.

14) Alice (of Alice in Wonderland) looks like my ideal dream woman.

Would this be her?

 

[HOF]

That's what they are trying to do with pheromones in cologne, to reproduce the attraction that women get. That could be what "it" is, the natural production of pheromones that attracts women. Some of produce them that attract women, some repel them.

Decent looking really has nothing to do with it. Now even a doorknob who is attractive (really attractive) women will flock to but I've seen guys who looks like shit on a spit have women all over them.

here's a funny story for y'all (don't I always have one?):

So I go to my doc's whose office is down on university at queen. So after the appointment I'm walking over to active surplus because, hell, who doesn't love THAT store? So I'm walking along queen and this ex sp who I'm friendly with calls me to see what I'm doing. So I tell her.

She says OMG there's this awesome bath shop on the north side that sells these bath bombs. They are to die for could you pick me up 2 of blah blah blah. Then she says "what are you doing tonight"? I said going to my local pub and shoot some pool. She said "you should pick up a eros (for lack of a better name) bath bomb and take a soak before you go out, the women will be all over you" "it's supposed to contain pheromones that make you attractive to the opposite sex". So I buy the ones for her, get an eros and go home and have a soak. It smells ok, a little musty.

So I go out and around 11 she calls. "so how's it working", "it's not" I say. I'm sitting here with Stu the doorman, Stu the other doorman (his son), archie, jughead, the bouncer, and 2 other guys I don't kn....." OH FUCK ME ALL TO HELL. It doesn't make you attractive to the OPPOSITE SEX, it makes you attractive to MEN....LMAO

She's pissing herself laughing on the phone she actually crying...OH sorry, I guess since it was a woman's store, they meant MEN as opposite sex.....

So I go to Stu Sr and tell him the story and he takes a whiff of me and he says "THAT'S what I've been smelling all night, hey, you smell pretty good" and moves in closer "FUCK RIGHT OFF" I said to him and he burst out laughing....

LMFAO, the high end colognes and perfumes use the fluid from the brain of whales to help increase the longevity of the scent. The rest of the whale is used for dog food. Is this true or false?

 

[HOF]

Just random thinking, Mrs CG and Mrs Ang fighting over my johnson

 

[HOF]

Another random thought!

Another random thought!

Damn Sentry is a lucky bugger!

 

[HOF]

More randomness!

More randomness!

Damn Sentry is a lucky bugger!

Mrs Tank is a very warm and friendly woman!

 

[HOF]

One last jab, I mean random post!

One last jab, I mean random post!

I have a strange feeling that Sentry & Tank are gonna do this to me:gasp:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmbXeY6VyOg&feature=related

It's #1 & #99! Guess who they are?

It's gonna hurt:frown:

 

[tboy]

LMFAO, the high end colognes and perfumes use the fluid from the brain of whales to help increase the longevity of the scent. The rest of the whale is used for dog food. Is this true or false?

I dunno, I thought there was a ban on whaling and japan was the only country still doing it for "research".......

 

[HOF]

I dunno, I thought there was a ban on whaling and japan was the only country still doing it for "research".......

Where there's a WHALE there's a way! :na:

 

[SillyGirl]

I have no idea what this picture means, but it seemed like something you guys would like.

 

[Cycleguy007]

 

[Guido]

A Guido random thought

A Guido random thought

I'm starving, just fucking STARVING

Diets suck!