Soul Mate

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[dreamblade]

Finally! /-Thumbs-up::/

 

[Guido]

I don't like the bald head but I do like the body, bring her over bliss!!

 

[Baz]

Blissful, why must you take my thread on a totally unrelated tangent?

 

[papasmerf]

Blissful, why must you take my thread on a totally unrelated tangent?

Tangent??

WTF no one said their would be math involved

next thing you know you have to provide a sine and wait for the co-sine before you can post.

 

[RAWD]

Rawd mentioned that polygamy is not a natural state. I will agree. I will disagree, however, that multiple, ethical, sustainable relationships are not a natural state. There are many studies that support my statement, not the least which the percentage of divorces in the Western World (50%). The book [LINK=https://www.sexatdawn.com]Sex at Dawn[/LINK] goes in depth into the theory that monogamy is a social construct, derived from the concept of property, which isn't present in hunter/gatherer societies, and forms of mutiple partnerships in various parts of the world still exist. In this country alone, the number of people coming out as polyarmorous is growing day by day, and the Candadian Polyamory Society was granted intervener status in the Bountyful case in BC last year. As for me, as much as I adore my GF, and delight in spending every day with her, I have, currently, one more person that I can honestly say that I am in love with. It doesn't mean I love either of them any less, just that I love them for different reasons. My emotional and sexual attachement to either of them, doesn't preclude my desire to see escorts, either. To me, it's apples and oranges: delicious, satisfying, with juices flying everywhere

Great comments .

Im not sure that matrimonial breakdown statistics necessarily support a theory of devolving social constructs. Perhaps it's devolving value systems?

Im also not sure that just because you love multiple people, it means that any one of them is your soulmate.

Frankly, this is probably a question that many hobbyist wrestle with at some point. Why do we hobby? Obviously we are missing something at home, in our "real" relationships. I always chuckle when I read about guys saying hthat they are happily married and love their SOs...and they hobby.

I don't have an answer. I can also say that there are several women I care deeply about. But I can't and won't pursue them.

 

[jumpingjackflash]

Frankly, this is probably a question that many hobbyist wrestle with at some point. Why do we hobby? Obviously we are missing something at home, in our "real" relationships. I always chuckle when I read about guys saying hthat they are happily married and love their SOs...and they hobby.

.

I can see the comment because for some hobbying is strictly about the variety and great sex. I don't believe it takes away the love one has for his or her SO.

 

[-b]

Soul mates is just a sexual feelings that you have found the only person for you because that is what we are taught .....

Relationships last for however long it last.....If you look at arrange marriage the couple has little choice or lots.....

Soul Mates is just a fantasy so that humans feel that there is one person who knows you totally, you trust, you love above all, etc...
That is a Story Book , or Romantic Novel or Made for TV....

Instead of Loving People, we restrict ourselves in Loving the one and Only Soul Mate....but it not true....For the Fantasy of a Soul Mate is that there is no one but you both.....and that is not so, people change, love grows up, time also makes people grow, mature, realize that you can love more than one person......

It is nice to Believe in the Happy Ever After Story or the Story of Your Soul Mate at your side no matter.....but that is not so....

Most people want to believe.....We restrict our love.....We do not want to be hurt....

 

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PLUS

PLUS

PLUS



DIVIDING



DIVIDING



DIVIDING

 

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Plus

PLUS



PLUS



EQUALS

Equals



EQUALS

 

[LadyRaven]

ok .. who said that Your soul mate has to be your SO??? I would say that my best friend that I have had for a billion and 1 years is my soul mate.. we love and cherish each other . we have been thru so much. tears.laghter ,fears and struggles . We have never ever strayed from each other . We know how to fight without hating each other We know how to talk thru things. and even if we have not seen each other in a while we Still Love each other dearly ... SHE IS MY SOUL MATE!!

 

[Art Mann]

I'm sorry Art but hired soul mates do not count.

Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it, Baz. :biggrin2:

 

[dreamblade]

Great comments .

Im not sure that matrimonial breakdown statistics necessarily support a theory of devolving social constructs. Perhaps it's devolving value systems?

I wouldn't use the term devolving, as it has a negative conotation. I'd prefer to see it as "changing value system".

Im also not sure that just because you love multiple people, it means that any one of them is your soulmate.

Frankly, this is probably a question that many hobbyist wrestle with at some point. Why do we hobby? Obviously we are missing something at home, in our "real" relationships. I always chuckle when I read about guys saying hthat they are happily married and love their SOs...and they hobby.

I don't have an answer. I can also say that there are several women I care deeply about. But I can't and won't pursue them.

I think the entire concept of "soulmate" is derived from a flawed duelist relationship model. It works for some people, doesn't for others, many others, but yet we've accepted that model as universal. This leads to a lot of confusion, hurt, and missed opportunities. You yourself have expressed your affection for these other women, but you feel pursuing them is out of the question. Meanwhile I had a friend approach me and ask if it would be ok if he asked my gf for a date. And they had a thing for a few months where they went out and slept together twice a week.

The hobbyists you mentioned, I just see them as confirming the model I subscribe to: They love their SO's but don't get all they need from them. They're not aware that the "Open" model exists, or are part of a community that does not accept it, so they cheat. Wanting to have sex with someone else does not equate not loving your partner, or loving her less. Also, loving someone else does not necessarily detract from from loving your SO.

I think it's best described as appetite: Some are happy with eating the same thing every day for the rest of their lives. Others will restrict to eating only certain specific dishes. Still others, spend their lives sampling the many dishes different cuisines have to offer. Are any of these wrong?

 

[RAWD]

I go back to my fundamental premise - when you are truly IN LOVE, do you still consider other women?

I don't doubt that hobbyists who crave variety and great sex love their SOs. But, are they truly IN LOVE?

With respect, I don't think it is anywhere near appropriate to compare life partners to cuisine. There's no expectation by Chinese food that you will remain loyal forever. If your partner is ok with you pooning, then good on ya. I don't think anyone would dispute the idea that its not a good idea to feign monogamy while practicing the art of poon dogging.

I don't suppose that we are all built for monogamy. No doubt some prefer laying pipe all over the place.

(Btw, I deliberately chose the word "devolving". That's just my opinion of the ideal state.)

 

[Raiden]

You guys are way to deep for me, I just want to bang and licky licky hot chicks! :biggrin2:

Soul mates eventually turn into wives!:no:

 

[dreamblade]

I go back to my fundamental premise - when you are truly IN LOVE, do you still consider other women?

Yes I do. It doesn't mean I'm on the hunt all the time, but neither are single people. If I meet someone, and we jive, then I will ask them on a date, along with fully disclosing that I am already in a commited relationship that allows me to be with others.

I don't doubt that hobbyists who crave variety and great sex love their SOs. But, are they truly IN LOVE?

I think they are. Hobbying is living out a fantasy, but there is something comforting about returning to a partner you have built a relationship over months/years. For me, going to see a lover or an escort always rejuvenates my feelings for my primary, I feel more affectionate for her by having been exposed to a contrast.

With respect, I don't think it is anywhere near appropriate to compare life partners to cuisine. There's no expectation by Chinese food that you will remain loyal forever. If your partner is ok with you pooning, then good on ya. I don't think anyone would dispute the idea that its not a good idea to feign monogamy while practicing the art of poon dogging.

It was just an analogy, and it's absolutely an over-simplification, but it fits the subject, IMO. There's an expectation of always going for the newer thing in all aspects of our existence, that variety is the spice of life, but society sets an expectation that you have to be with ONLY ONE PERSON FOREVER. Why is that? I am not condoning cheating, nor would I cast disparagement on my fellow hobbyists for partaking on the sly. It's not my place to judge them. But I do condemn a society that forces you to either accept that one partner is the only appropriate model, and the alternative is either a break-up (serial monogamy) or cheating, when in everything else, job, car, dwelling, phone, clothes, you are to upgrade or diversify.

I don't suppose that we are all built for monogamy. No doubt some prefer laying pipe all over the place.

(Btw, I deliberately chose the word "devolving". That's just my opinion of the ideal state.)

What of those that are happy with 75% of what their SO gives them, but not 100%? Here, you're confining your view to just the monogamist paradigm, when so many different paradigms exist: form Partnered Non-Monogamy all the way to Group Marriage. And there's an entire spectrum of relationship types in between those two extremes.

And I am curious: Why do you consider this change a negative one?

 

[RAWD]

@Dreamblade.... Because


1. I believe that a strong nuclear family is still the ideal for raising kids and developing strong values/character. Not that the same cant be done in different environments; I just think its better. Of course, bad apples exist in every bushel.

2. When I see an old couple walking hand in hand down the beach, I think "that's what I want".

Thats just my two cents.

 

[BuzzSaw]

I have to again agree with Rawd on this one. If it's just a couple it really doesn't matter on lifestyle chosen but when children are involved I'm also a firm believer that the old fashioned nuclear family is the best route.

 

[-b]

@Dreamblade.... Because


1. I believe that a strong nuclear family is still the ideal for raising kids and developing strong values/character. Not that the same cant be done in different environments; I just think its better. Of course, bad apples exist in every bushel.

2. When I see an old couple walking hand in hand down the beach, I think "that's what I want".

Thats just my two cents.

It takes a Community to raise a Child.

As for those old couples well in some cases they are on their 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th marriage.....

I am not saying it does not happen...but these days you do not have to stay with the person you married......You have choices....

 

[peace]

I on the other hand believe ALL love is conditional, it has to be. Love is the admiration of a persons virtue and value system when it coincides and compliments ones own personal virtues and values. If a person were to take on an entirely different belief system, it would stand to reason the love would cease.

Most extreme case ever, but to make a point... Man loves woman and everything is cool. Woman decides to sleep with his brother on a continual basis, maybe his father on weekends, and blow his buddies while he is at work. He is still supposed to love without condition even though every other part of the relationship is great? I don't think so.

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