SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH, Following on the heels of a report in Biological Reviews by University of Utah Biologists David Carrier and Michael Morgan - that the human skeletal face initially evolved in order to absorb a punch - comes a second paper by the two that purports the human male crotch evolved strategically to avoid a finely placed kick.
"We believe, at this time," Lead researcher David Carrier states. "That Australopithecus (a precursor to modern Homo-sapien mankind) had a much smaller and centralized ball-sack. Which would have remained primarily stationary, and thus been extremely vulnerable to a thrusting foot."
Carrier continues,"The robusticity of the Homo genus included a substantial lowering of musculoskeletal structures (ball-sack) resulting in increased mobility of hominid testicles (ball-sack)."
Michael Morgan, co-author of the study, reiterates, "The overall dangling length of Homo scrotum would have allowed a to-and-fro pendulum action, that - in the case of a scantily clad opponent - would have created an overwhelmingly mesmerizing effect."
"We've had a lot of male subjects in the lab for comparison," undergraduate Charlotte Gotz explains. "We've exhaustively measured weight, length, circumference, degree of swing. We're very confident our research stands up."
Social Anthropologists, meanwhile, believe that's only part of the story.
"Look at modern dance moves," Anthropologist Frank Peeling notes."For years we thought that pelvic gyrations were strictly related to mating rituals." Peeling demonstrates a lower body move many would consider suggestive.
"Now we know," he thrusts one hip provocatively to one side. "All that swinging, bouncing and banging around is actually protecting the family jewels."
