What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

[oldguyzer]

A trawl of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits to discover the strangest, unlikeliest, and most awkwardly shaped objects America inappropriately shoved into its penises, vaginas, and assholes:

[h=3]Penis[/h]

• RUBBER TUBE
• "PLASTIC SPOON AND PERHAPS A PENCIL"
• CROCHET NEEDLE
• "STUCK A NAIL IN URETHRA THEN IT MIGRATED UP INTO THE BLADDER"
• WOOL YARN
• LONG PLASTIC HAND OF STIRRING SPOON
• "INSERTED A LONG BALLOON IN PENIS TO HAVE GIRLFRIEND BLOW UP FOR SEXUAL STIMULATION AND IT BROKE"

[h=3]Vagina[/h]

• PLASTIC HANDLE OF SCISSORS
• KNITTING NEEDLES
• PEN
• "A LARGE AMOUNT OF SAND"
• HAIR TIE
• BAG OF CRYSTAL METH
• 10" STEAK KNIFE
• RAZOR
• SPONGE
• "ONE BATTERY AND THREE COINS"
• BATHTUB STOPPER
• "PUT A BAG OF MONEY IN VAGINA TO HIDE IT FROM HUSBAND"
• BILLIARD BALL
• "ORGASM BALLS"

[h=3]Rectum[/h]

• TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER
• PIPE
• KEYS
• ACORN
• SHOT GLASS
• DRUM STICK
• ICE PICK
• UNSHARPENED PENCIL
• "HAD ANAL SEX & HAS BRUISING, BLOOD ON TOILET PAPER, TOOK CRYSTAL METH TO HELP PAIN"
• CANDLE
• AIR FRESHENER
• CAN OF SPRAY PAINT
• SHAVING CREAM CAN
• SHAMPOO BOTTLE
• LOTION BOTTLE
• SODA CAN
• "BEER BOTTLE UP RECTUM & BOTTLE BROKE WHEN TRIED TO RETRIEVE BOTTLE W/ PLIERS. COCAINE USE PRIOR TO INSERTION"
• TURKEY BASTER
• PHONE CORD
• GOLF BALL
• METAL TOILET PAPER HOLDER
• TENT STAKES
• "ROLLED UP STACK OF PLASTIC TRASH BAGS"
• CHRISTMAS BELL
• LOG

 

[bolt.upright]

A trawl of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits to discover the strangest, unlikeliest, and most awkwardly shaped objects America inappropriately shoved into its penises, vaginas, and assholes:

Penis

• "INSERTED A LONG BALLOON IN PENIS TO HAVE GIRLFRIEND BLOW UP FOR SEXUAL STIMULATION AND IT BROKE"

I hope it was the balloon that broke, and not his penis. Ow!

 

[papasmerf]

[/LIST]

I hope it was the balloon that broke, and not his penis. Ow!

I bet that is the same question the medical staff at the ER had.

 

[Jasper]

Why do they make deodorant, shampoo, mouthwash bottles so seductively curvy if they weren't meant to be inserted in my bum?

Hmmmmmm

 

[oldguyzer]

Why do they make deodorant, shampoo, mouthwash bottles so seductively curvy if they weren't meant to be inserted in my bum?

Hmmmmmm

Good question....

 

[bobistheowl]

Nothing whatsoever got stuck in my rectum last year. I didn't put anything in my rectum; it's a one way street, heading southbound. I eat vegetables as well as meat, and I drink lots of liquids, so I don't get backed up at all. Not drinking coffee helps.

 

[Jasper]

bobistheowl, you never took a good long satisfying shit that felt great and wondered if a curvy bottle of Dove hair conditioner would feel good sliding in and out?

Me neither! :wink2:

 

[bobistheowl]

bobistheowl, you never took a good long satisfying shit that felt great and wondered if a curvy bottle of Dove hair conditioner would feel good sliding in and out?

Me neither! :wink2:

That's for latent homosexuals on the high school football team, Jasper. They call it "horseplay", just like Sandusky, the Penn State assistant coach/ pedophile.

Words of wisdom:

Oral sex makes your whole day,
Anal sex makes your hole weak.

 

[papasmerf]

Oddly this thread mentioned only RECTUM and did not define it to be male or female.
I find it amusing that some would conclude the list to be male.

 

[Transient]

Shot Glass?

So never accept Madman's invite for a slice of apple pie and a shot!!!

 

[Jasper]

Reminds me of a Holey palindrome, bobistheowl -

anal sex, if deified, fixes lana

 

[Wanker]

Reminds me of a Holey palindrome, bobistheowl -

anal sex, if deified, fixes lana

Hmmmmmm

 

[Bubba]

Danny must have been involved on this test.

 

[Raiden]

Thanks OG for guiding me here, I will never be able to drink tequila from a sexy ladies navel again.

Sorry SillyGirl, OG ruined it!

 

[oldguyzer]

Thanks OG for guiding me here, I will never be able to drink tequila from a sexy ladies navel again.

Sorry SillyGirl, OG ruined it!

Damn...sorry dude. But, I suspect if SG was laid nude in front of you with tequila in her navel, you'd reverse your decision. SG, wanna prove me right? :biggrin2:

 

[Prick]

Time to ban Oldguyzer for thinking like a homo.

 

[oldguyzer]

Time to ban Oldguyzer for thinking like a homo.

Weren't you the one with the turkey baster stuck up....oh....never mind. :biggrin2:

 

[SillyGirl]

Damn...sorry dude. But, I suspect if SG was laid nude in front of you with tequila in her navel, you'd reverse your decision. SG, wanna prove me right? :biggrin2:

Yea, um, no.

But if that ever changes, I promise Raiden will come on here and admit you were right.

 

[papasmerf]

Yea, um, no.

But if that ever changes, I promise Raiden will come on here and admit you were right.

Damn.................Guess I can take down the cameras

 

[SillyGirl]

Damn.................Guess I can take down the cameras

You might as well, there's nothing of interest going on here.