When Is Too Soon?

[LickingGravity]

I appreciate that this isn't the kind of venue to be really getting this kind of advice from but somehow it seems better than getting it from my late wife's girlfriends or my guy friends or employees. I have been a widow for almost 5 months now but this had been an nine year battle most of which was fought knowing the eventual outcome was predetermined but with uncertain timing. I only cry once a day now so I'm thinking that maybe I should rejoin the human race. I have visited the odd sp in Montreal over the last few years as the desease made sex impossible and the odd MP here - purely for medicinal purposes :arf:

I miss having some emotional attachment and committment to a woman. Although I have become good friends with a couple of the Montreal sp's I am cognisant of the need to maintain at least a low fence for both our sakes. Its a bit of a drug to be able to bed women that are 10 years younger and more than your normal age group - although I suppose one's stock portfolio can change those rules of thumb these days.

Not even sure how to begin again as it has been almost 25 years. The relevant age range would be mid-forties so we aren't talking school girls here.

Would 5 months be seen as too creepy soon? Would I come across as some sad horn dog asking someone out? Is 8 months better? A year? Growing up people talked about a year being appropriate but that was a long time ago.

I don't really care what the neighbourhood women think but I do care about any women I would ask.

I would be particularly interested in hearing a woman's viewpoint. Thanks and my apologies if this sounds a bit like a bad episode of Oprah.

 

[Wise Guy]

This is not a woman's point of view but I can safely say that your late wife would be happy if you found someone to keep you company as soon as you are ready. Sounds to me that you are ready to find happiness again.

 

[Jesus Quintana]

Given the circumstances I think that if you had already found a companion shortly after your wife's death it would have been acceptable.
You basically have been in mourning for the last 9 years anyhow and if anyone cannot see that and understand that you had done a whole lot of crying before then tell them to go piss up a rope.
Go out and find a nice lady.

 

[SmkngPopeye]

You've suffered enough LG. Wise guy said it best. She would want you to be happy and like SH said go out and find yourself a nice lady.

 

[BEER]

Would 5 months be seen as too creepy soon? Would I come across as some sad horn dog asking someone out? Is 8 months better? A year? Growing up people talked about a year being appropriate but that was a long time ago.


When you feel you are ready. Care not what others think it is none of their business.

Good luck LG.

 

[McGuinty]

I am glad you are thinking of moving on LG. Be careful on trying to find a similar woman as your late wife and don't try to hard to find one. It (she) will find you when the time is right. Fate has a funny way of working for the good guys.

 

[Bubba]

You sound like a good man LG. Wishing you only the best in your find for love.

 

[Lou Pole]

I've been in your shoes before Licking Gravity. It's not easy they say, time heals all but her memory will never die. Good luck and listen to your heart.

 

[Paranoid Phantom]

Best of luck LG. Would be nice to hear a woman's POV.

 

[Shock The Monkey]

25 years is a long time. Do you have any kids or animals in your house to give you comfort?.

Go get them tiger and don't look back.

 

[FUKUMAN]

Good luck.

 

[Bill The Pirate]

No matter what you decide someone will think it is too early. You need to look after yourself. best of luck

 

[tboy]

Would 5 months be seen as too creepy soon? Would I come across as some sad horn dog asking someone out? Is 8 months better? A year? Growing up people talked about a year being appropriate but that was a long time ago.


When you feel you are ready. Care not what others think it is none of their business.

Good luck LG.

What he said.....everyone is different and every situation is unique. What will seem appropriate to one will seem inappropriate for someone else. Worry about what's right for you, not what's right for others.

Kind of like those stupid rules in regards to getting a girl's number or after the first date: call the next day, take 2 days, 3? I live by the motto: if I want to call when I get home, I'll call when I get home. If she doesn't think that's appropriate or doesn't appreciate it, she isn't the person for me since I felt it was appropriate.

Even when you do take someone out and the subject comes up. Simply tell the truth. If your date feels it is too soon for you, then she isn't for you. Move on.

 

[Nothingtodo]

Even when you do take someone out and the subject comes up. Simply tell the truth. If your date feels it is too soon for you, then she isn't for you. Move on.

Perfectly said.

Good luck from me as well.

 

[a 1 player]

Sorry bro, I see it a bit differently.

I don't think that 5 months is nearly long enough to heal from a 25 year relationship. Take the time you need to heal, don't rush it. Women will always be around to date, regardless of your age. Go out, make some new friends, do some shit to keep your mind occupied, but I would suggest not jumping into anything until you are good and ready to. Have you been to therapy or seen a psychiatrist? Ain't nothing wrong with that either. I'm not saying not to go out and get laid, or to have female friends either, just that it might not be time to make another emotional investment just yet.

Regardless, you know yourself best.

 

[RAWD]

I'll just add that there's a big difference between dating for social interaction and fun vs. dating for a serious relationship.

The former is part of healing and moving on. Don't get into a serious relationship until you're ready. Whatever you get into while you're healing is just...messy.

 

[LickingGravity]

This is more for social interaction and fun - just wasn't sure what the women would think and thought I might want to be prepared.

While I miss emotional attachment I'm probably not ready for it yet as some have said. This is more like going into the wading pool before tackling the deep end.

Thanks everyone for your comments

BTW Some of the juvenile stuff that we do here, such as all the rating threads, has been a great distraction and much fun when even fun wasn't fun.

 

[a 1 player]

This is more for social interaction and fun - just wasn't sure what the women would think and thought I might want to be prepared.

I can't see why ANYONE would have a problem with this, not to mention, it does not really have to be a conversation topic (unless you want it to).

While I miss emotional attachment I'm probably not ready for it yet as some have said. This is more like going into the wading pool before tackling the deep end.

Good for you bro, you'll know when the time is right.

 

[tboy]

Player says some good things but one thing he said that I don't believe to be 100% true: women will always be around for you to date....

The trick is: these women who will always be around to date, would you really want to date them? (when you're ready I mean).

I find that too many times we take for granted that "another one will come along" or 'there will be plenty of time for that later..." well, when "later" comes it might be too late.

For eg: I"m in my late 40's, I have yet to find more than 1 or 2 women in the past year that I am attracted to enough to ask out, (in my age group that is). I take pretty good care of myself, my waist at 21 was 30, it's 31 now. I think I've seen 3 women in the past couple of years who have taken care of themselves the way I have. Most have front bums, more chins than a chinese phonebook and more rolls than an italian bakery. And don't forget the waddle.....*shudder*.

I say grab life while you can, no one knows what is around the corner. I mean hell, you have first hand experience. Who knows what's in store for you. You could wait x months or years then get hit by a truck (while texting).

 

[Butch]

Use your instinct, follow your heart and use common sense. Wish you the best LG.