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Louis XIV
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so...I'm over at a buddy's place this weekend to swim, play poker, and watch football. We all get changed into our swim shorts and take a dip, then hop out on the deck to stuff our faces before settling down to watch TV.
An hour goes by and I've been eating and drinking like a hog at the trough when it hits me. We're deep in the 3rd quarter, and I really gotta GO, and of course, I was too transfixed with the game and waited waaaaaay too long. :SayWhat?:
I wait for the commercial, and make a wild dash for the pisser-shitter with a huge 'turtle head' making fast inroads to freedom. Slam the door behind me and ... the fucking drawstring to my shorts is knotted tighter that an Amish asshole and I can't get the shorts off! Not only did I tie the knot too tight in the first place, but it's cotton and shrunk even tighter as it dried! And it's too damn thick to break with bare hands.
The harder and longer I struggle with the bastard, the tighter it seems to get, and the MORE desperate I'm getting....
Gets to the point after a few minutes where I can barely take a shallow breath, let alone walk, so I weakly cry out to my buddies for help...a knife, scissors, nail clippers, fucking ANYTHING to avoid a state-wide tragedy from occurring - and THEY SAY THE GAME IS GETTING REAL GOOD, SO JUST FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF FFS!
Must've been the adrenaline of complete and utter hopelessness kicking in, but I actually pulled the bastard drawstring so damn tight it reached far enough up to use my teeth and was able to bite the cotton enough to snap it with my hands. Just in the nick of time, minor skid marks and collateral spatter not withstanding....
Of course, I now have a thin red 3rd degree cotton burn all around my waist from the drawstring, and a very loose molar, but I did make it back to the couch in time to see Jermaine Kearse cross the line for the winning TD.
FML.
An hour goes by and I've been eating and drinking like a hog at the trough when it hits me. We're deep in the 3rd quarter, and I really gotta GO, and of course, I was too transfixed with the game and waited waaaaaay too long. :SayWhat?:
I wait for the commercial, and make a wild dash for the pisser-shitter with a huge 'turtle head' making fast inroads to freedom. Slam the door behind me and ... the fucking drawstring to my shorts is knotted tighter that an Amish asshole and I can't get the shorts off! Not only did I tie the knot too tight in the first place, but it's cotton and shrunk even tighter as it dried! And it's too damn thick to break with bare hands.
The harder and longer I struggle with the bastard, the tighter it seems to get, and the MORE desperate I'm getting....
Gets to the point after a few minutes where I can barely take a shallow breath, let alone walk, so I weakly cry out to my buddies for help...a knife, scissors, nail clippers, fucking ANYTHING to avoid a state-wide tragedy from occurring - and THEY SAY THE GAME IS GETTING REAL GOOD, SO JUST FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF FFS!
Must've been the adrenaline of complete and utter hopelessness kicking in, but I actually pulled the bastard drawstring so damn tight it reached far enough up to use my teeth and was able to bite the cotton enough to snap it with my hands. Just in the nick of time, minor skid marks and collateral spatter not withstanding....
Of course, I now have a thin red 3rd degree cotton burn all around my waist from the drawstring, and a very loose molar, but I did make it back to the couch in time to see Jermaine Kearse cross the line for the winning TD.
FML.
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Louis XIV
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Goodfella said:
It was definitely a Grinch-like moment, where my waist shrunk three sizes, and I gained the strength of 10 Grinches, +2
bobistheowl
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Louis XIV said:
I think you saw this on a The World of Commander McBragg cartoon on Underdog,
and you only think it happened to you, like when "Coach" on Survivor told the story of how he escaped from a tribe of pygmies in the Amazon rain forest. That was an episode of Jonny Quest.
bobistheowl
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So, last night I saw The Ting Tings at The Mod Club, 722 College Street, at Crawford, just west of Ossington.
I'd never been in there before. It's a night club, that's only open for events. It's large enough to comfortably fit about 600 people, with seating on one side for about 60 people, stools for about 30, and about 30 more could sit on couches against the side wall.
The temperature inside the club is quite low when the doors open, (maybe 15 degrees Celsius; I think they open the back doors to make it a little warmer than the outside temperature), but it gets progressively warmer in there, over the course of the evening, so you start getting a bit sweaty about 2½ hours after the place opened, by the time the full crowd has been there for about an hour.
The Ting Tings are a great live band, and I comfortably saw them from about three feet back from the stage, close enough that lead singer Katie White was able to lightly touch my outstrethed hand during the opening song of their set.
Earlier on, I was talking to a guy in the back, who was trying to sell T Shirts for the support band Kane Holler. I had never heard of them, and figured they were probably some George Brown art students, who play pretentious original compositions will no commercial potential, like the support acts for club shows at The Rivoli, who get paid with a few free tickets for their friends.
I was talking to the T-Shirt salesman, showing him the printed .pdf of my new font, and explaining to him how to put any content on YouTube, regardless of copyright claims, and link those videos to a message board post, and he was really interested.
A while later, this drop dead gorgeous young woman comes downstairs, and he says to me "This is my sister Chelsie". So, I'm introduced to Chelsie, and we talk for a few minutes, then she has to leave.
A couple of minutes later, the support band is about to start the show, and I go up to the front, and Chelsie comes out on stage; she's the lead singer of the duo, it's her, and this guy who looks like a 'skateboard dude', and they're just dressed in ordinary clothes that you'd see any young people wearing on Queen Street West in the spring or fall.
Chelsie has an amazing voice, and the sound system in The Mod Club is state of the art; loud enough, but not too loud. I was right beside a stage monitor, and the volume was comparable to what I get out of my 5.1 surround sound computer speakers, if I crank them to about 8, out of ten.
I'm watching the show, and trying to figure out how I would describe to you folks what Chelsie looks like, and I came up with "She looks like Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, if he was a woman in her early 20's", and that was exactly the mental picture I had.
So, at the end of their set, somebody introduces them as "Jon Foster and Chelsie Tyler", and I feel like Wayne Gretzky in the Bo Knows Nike ad from '89, when Bo was playing hockey.
So, I go back to the T-Shirt table, and the guy there hasn't sold anything all night, and I said I would buy their CD EP, if Chelsie will sign it for me, and he says sure, and goes to get her. Chelsie comes back, and I ask her to sign it "To bobistheowl", and I asked her if she was related to Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, and she and her brother both say "He's our father!".
So, I was hanging out last night, (not literally; my fly was up!), with Steven Tyler's youngest daughter, 25 years old, and considerably more attractive than her older half sisters Liv and Mia Tyler, who have a different mother.
I'm going to try to make a scan of the CD EP inside cover sometime today, and post it here tonight, but even if I do that, a bunch of you guys will still think I'm making all that up. I also have permission from Chelsie to post .mp3s from the EP on this board, and I'll do that in IfYouSeekAmy's music thread tonight.
I found some pictures of Chelsie online this morning, and picked the ones that best represent what she looks like in person, plus one 'hot librarian' type pic, and a glamour shot, of what she looks like, all dolled up.
Chances are, I had a better time last night than any of the guys who post in The Lobby.
This is Chelsie Tyler:
In my opinion, an 8.8 on the Montreal Scale, without make up.
Who else thinks she's hot?
I'd never been in there before. It's a night club, that's only open for events. It's large enough to comfortably fit about 600 people, with seating on one side for about 60 people, stools for about 30, and about 30 more could sit on couches against the side wall.
The temperature inside the club is quite low when the doors open, (maybe 15 degrees Celsius; I think they open the back doors to make it a little warmer than the outside temperature), but it gets progressively warmer in there, over the course of the evening, so you start getting a bit sweaty about 2½ hours after the place opened, by the time the full crowd has been there for about an hour.
The Ting Tings are a great live band, and I comfortably saw them from about three feet back from the stage, close enough that lead singer Katie White was able to lightly touch my outstrethed hand during the opening song of their set.
Earlier on, I was talking to a guy in the back, who was trying to sell T Shirts for the support band Kane Holler. I had never heard of them, and figured they were probably some George Brown art students, who play pretentious original compositions will no commercial potential, like the support acts for club shows at The Rivoli, who get paid with a few free tickets for their friends.
I was talking to the T-Shirt salesman, showing him the printed .pdf of my new font, and explaining to him how to put any content on YouTube, regardless of copyright claims, and link those videos to a message board post, and he was really interested.
A while later, this drop dead gorgeous young woman comes downstairs, and he says to me "This is my sister Chelsie". So, I'm introduced to Chelsie, and we talk for a few minutes, then she has to leave.
A couple of minutes later, the support band is about to start the show, and I go up to the front, and Chelsie comes out on stage; she's the lead singer of the duo, it's her, and this guy who looks like a 'skateboard dude', and they're just dressed in ordinary clothes that you'd see any young people wearing on Queen Street West in the spring or fall.
Chelsie has an amazing voice, and the sound system in The Mod Club is state of the art; loud enough, but not too loud. I was right beside a stage monitor, and the volume was comparable to what I get out of my 5.1 surround sound computer speakers, if I crank them to about 8, out of ten.
I'm watching the show, and trying to figure out how I would describe to you folks what Chelsie looks like, and I came up with "She looks like Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, if he was a woman in her early 20's", and that was exactly the mental picture I had.
So, at the end of their set, somebody introduces them as "Jon Foster and Chelsie Tyler", and I feel like Wayne Gretzky in the Bo Knows Nike ad from '89, when Bo was playing hockey.
So, I go back to the T-Shirt table, and the guy there hasn't sold anything all night, and I said I would buy their CD EP, if Chelsie will sign it for me, and he says sure, and goes to get her. Chelsie comes back, and I ask her to sign it "To bobistheowl", and I asked her if she was related to Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, and she and her brother both say "He's our father!".
So, I was hanging out last night, (not literally; my fly was up!), with Steven Tyler's youngest daughter, 25 years old, and considerably more attractive than her older half sisters Liv and Mia Tyler, who have a different mother.
I'm going to try to make a scan of the CD EP inside cover sometime today, and post it here tonight, but even if I do that, a bunch of you guys will still think I'm making all that up. I also have permission from Chelsie to post .mp3s from the EP on this board, and I'll do that in IfYouSeekAmy's music thread tonight.
I found some pictures of Chelsie online this morning, and picked the ones that best represent what she looks like in person, plus one 'hot librarian' type pic, and a glamour shot, of what she looks like, all dolled up.
Chances are, I had a better time last night than any of the guys who post in The Lobby.
This is Chelsie Tyler:
In my opinion, an 8.8 on the Montreal Scale, without make up.
Who else thinks she's hot?
How about you GUYS?
L
Louis XIV
Guest
bobistheowl said:
This was all I had to read to understand that what really happened was that Chelsie Tyler got the secret nod from her brother to come over and save him from 'Captain Darknet' who was killing their t-shirt sales with his OCD and oddball collection of crinkled up pictures of the alphabet. :no:
bobistheowl
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bobistheowl said:
Actually, no. They expressed interest in using my lettering, if physical copies of their new CD are created. They very much liked the idea of the variable commercial use licensing fee, whereby we would likely make a barter arrangement for the licensing fee. I would enjoy an arrangement whereby they use my custom lettering, in exchange for a few CDs personally signed, but addressed to different people. I have a few friends who have young daughters who would love to have a CD with a personal dedication to them on the inside cover. That's something to cherish, as long as the band is good. It doesn't matter if they're really popular. kids love to find good bands before other people have heard of them. Unfortunately, many of the bands they'd most like to see only play in clubs with a liquor license, so they can only see 'hockey arena' shows, and sometimes, those shows now cost well over a hundred dollars, and tickets sell out months before the show.
I was concerned that this show might have been sold out before I had a chance to buy tickets, because they had advanced sales by credit card only. There were supposed to be tickets available at selected record stores, like Rotate This, and that was advertised, but those stores didn't get any. The ticket booth at Yonge/ Dundas didn't have any; they told me about the 'credit card only' early sales. They didn't even sell tickets at the club until 8:00 PM, and the support band came on around 9:05 PM.
I misjudged the popularity of The Ting Tings, because I've seen them perform live on a number of TV shows, mostly from the UK and Europe, and I knew they were great live. The club is pretty small, and Toronto's a big city.
I will say, however, that The Mod Club is the best concert venue that I know of in Toronto. The acoustics are superb. I'm past the age where I want my ears to throb after a concert.
I haven't seen a hockey arena or stadium show since 1987, (U2 on The Joshua Tree tour at Exhibition Stadium on October 3, with Los Lobos and Little Steven. I have a pro shot multi camera video of the full U2 performance six days later at The Carrier Dome in Syracuse, N.Y. on a home made DVD sourced from 1st generation VHS. I don't know who filmed it, or why, or why it wasn't released. They may have filmed the entire show, just to use a few seconds of footage in an 'MTV' video.
Any band playing to more than 2,000 these days either doesn't appeal to me, or doesn't appeal to me anymore. i don't want to see 60 year old fossils playing their hits from 35 years ago. Not if I saw them then, especially. I don't want to taint the memory of seeing them live, when those songs were new.
Kane Holler has a new CD, but it's only available on iTunes. The reality of the music business today is that new bands need to sell a certain number of digital copies of a CD before a record company will be interested in mass producing physical copies of the music. It all has to do with the packaging costs. A clerk in HMV told me that this afternoon. She thought the inside packaging of the CD cover was very cool. The physical cost of the CD itself is pennies. They can probably record fairly inexpensively, given that they use just vocals and a keyboard synthesizer in their live show. I haven't even heard the CD EP yet, but I'll rip the .mp3s, and post one or two in IfYouSeekAmy's music thread. Then you can judge for yourself if they have any music talent.
The EP I got at the show has sort of an 'origami' fold out, and the disk goes in the middle. It's expensive to make those, especially if the quantity produced is small.
They had ten CDs of their 4 song EP for sale at the show. Two of them sold, and I bought one. Chelsea gave me permission to post .mp3s from the EP here, and I said I'd forward a copy of my review to their website. If they post some or all of it there, I'll link it.
This was an interesting band. I could see them being a musical guest on a late night talk show, or Saturday Night Live, within eighteen months or less. They were much better than you would expect, for an unbilled opening act for a club show with an audience of 500.
Here's the CD dedication. It's darker than the actual colour, because the 'origami insert' made it impossible to have the inside cover lie flat on the scanner:
So, she doesn't know how to spell "owl". She's hot enough to get away with that.
You guys should know by now. All of my stories are true, except the ones that are obviously bullshit. I never write 'half truths, embellished', on this board. People who do that often have trouble keeping their lies from conflicting with each other, or having those lies exposed, with proof. I've done that here, a few times already.
bobistheowl
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Chelsie Tyler, with her younger brother Taj, the T-shirt salesman, and older half-sister Liv Tyler. I don't know how old this photo is. Taj looks exactly the same. Chelsie looks better without the makeup. I don't know Liv Tyler's height. Chelsie is about 5'5" tall now.
Just because their father is rich, doesn't necessarily mean they are. If they had dad's money, they could probably afford to make physical copies of the band's new CD. Kane Holler will never be a huge commercial success, because they don't play 'unit shifting' radio hits that kids would buy at a WalMart. They are aware of music history, however. One of their cover songs was originally recorded by Nina Simone, who lived from 1933-2003. Chelsie has a great voice. The 'skateboard guy' who plays the synthesizer is her fiancé, and the two of them write their own original material, so this isn't some 'vanity project' that their father funds, so they can pretend to be rock stars.
They're just a good band that almost no one has heard of yet. Bands like that care about the two people who bought their merchandise, when no one even knew they were going to be on the bill. There's only something like six concert dates on the whole North American tour, and this was the only one in Canada, and the first show of the tour. They were in New York City on Tuesday night.
Chelsie was all behind any kind of promotion, anywhere, so I'll see if I can get her to say something for you guys, who missed out on a show you'll wish you had seen.
I'll forward my posts about this show to their e-mail address, and if I get a reply, I'll post it here, but don't expect her to get a board handle.
Just because their father is rich, doesn't necessarily mean they are. If they had dad's money, they could probably afford to make physical copies of the band's new CD. Kane Holler will never be a huge commercial success, because they don't play 'unit shifting' radio hits that kids would buy at a WalMart. They are aware of music history, however. One of their cover songs was originally recorded by Nina Simone, who lived from 1933-2003. Chelsie has a great voice. The 'skateboard guy' who plays the synthesizer is her fiancé, and the two of them write their own original material, so this isn't some 'vanity project' that their father funds, so they can pretend to be rock stars.
They're just a good band that almost no one has heard of yet. Bands like that care about the two people who bought their merchandise, when no one even knew they were going to be on the bill. There's only something like six concert dates on the whole North American tour, and this was the only one in Canada, and the first show of the tour. They were in New York City on Tuesday night.
Chelsie was all behind any kind of promotion, anywhere, so I'll see if I can get her to say something for you guys, who missed out on a show you'll wish you had seen.
I'll forward my posts about this show to their e-mail address, and if I get a reply, I'll post it here, but don't expect her to get a board handle.
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When no one’s looking, Tanya the tigeress makes giant snowballs
Turns out, the impressive snowballs were the work of Tanya the tiger herself. Security cameras caught the cat in the act.
"One morning, zoologists came to work and found snowballs in Tanya’s cage. Naturally, no one thought that the tigress was able to make them by herself. Zoologists decided that someone joked and threw large snowballs into the cage, but one evening she was caught," zoo spokesperson Ekaterina Mikhailova told the Siberian Times.
"Our staff noticed it three years ago. They say that she doesn’t like making snowballs in the daylight, prefers doing this at night," added zoo director Svetlana Sokolova.
When no one is around, the tigress diligently goes to work gathering snow, rolling it from one side of her enclosure to another until it forms a large ball. She then starts work on another.
Turns out, the impressive snowballs were the work of Tanya the tiger herself. Security cameras caught the cat in the act.
"One morning, zoologists came to work and found snowballs in Tanya’s cage. Naturally, no one thought that the tigress was able to make them by herself. Zoologists decided that someone joked and threw large snowballs into the cage, but one evening she was caught," zoo spokesperson Ekaterina Mikhailova told the Siberian Times.
"Our staff noticed it three years ago. They say that she doesn’t like making snowballs in the daylight, prefers doing this at night," added zoo director Svetlana Sokolova.
When no one is around, the tigress diligently goes to work gathering snow, rolling it from one side of her enclosure to another until it forms a large ball. She then starts work on another.
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Wanker
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[h=1]Quebec woman suing cop who left her locked in back of police truck with man who ended up raping her[/h]
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Former 'Power Ranger' actor arrested in fatal stabbing of his roommate with sword
[h=2]Feminist Has Abortion Because Child Was a Boy[/h]
https://www.breaking911.com/feminist-has-abortion-because-child-was-a-boy/
https://www.breaking911.com/feminist-has-abortion-because-child-was-a-boy/
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