A Disturbing Find

[User-E]

I'm going in late today to collect my thoughts and attempt to deal with the situation. Thank you for the advice folks. I will be taking the weekend to further think about it and not make a rash decision. I may confront the individual later this afternoon who I have known for many years. I'm hoping once he shares his reasoning maybe it will calm my angst about the situation. Just to put this relationship into perspective, he is 56 and very successful, she is 26 and rents an apartment, doesn't own a car and recently was given the position. She's been with the company 5 months which is hardly enough time to fall head over heel over an older man. At this point it wouldn't surprise me if he was also a client of pay for play. He was my mentor and this is probably why it bothers me so much.

I agree that you should leave it alone Baz, but if you must do something, I suggest talking to your boss privately first. How do you know it's true and not just malicious office gossip you're hearing until you ask him?

 

[Baz]

I agree that you should leave it alone Baz, but if you must do something, I suggest talking to your boss privately first. How do you know it's true and not just malicious office gossip you're hearing until you ask him?

I may confront the individual later this afternoon who I have known for many years. I'm hoping once he shares his reasoning maybe it will calm my angst about the situation.

Thank you for your input Sarah. I appreciate the input from the ladies, thank you to both you and SillyGirl. I know it's true because I was working late last night. They did not know I was in and I seen them with my own eyes on her desk as I walked by and the door was ajar. They did not see me so at this moment they believe no one knows. It was a disgusting display of lust and inappropriate behavior in the work place. In the past this person who I also called my friend has let individuals go because of inappropriate sexual behavior at the office. He has frowned upon and strongly advised to not have romantic relationships within the office. At the very least this hypocritical behavior needs to be taken to task. The more I think about it the angrier I'm becoming!

 

[Guido]

They did not know I was in and I seen them with my own eyes on her desk as I walked by and the door was ajar. They did not see me so at this moment they believe no one knows. It was a disgusting display of lust and inappropriate behavior in the work place.

Bazo, so we can properly advise you can you please give us a "blow by blow" description.

1) what was she wearing,
2) pantie color and style,
3)garters or stockings,
4) positions

5) this is the most important. Today try and catch them again but please take pictures. You must have a smart phone, use it dammit. Once you have the pics or vid come back here and let us see the evidence.

Come Monday with our help you will know exactly what to do!!!

 

[oldguyzer]

Thank you for your input Sarah. I appreciate the input from the ladies, thank you to both you and SillyGirl. I know it's true because I was working late last night. They did not know I was in and I seen them with my own eyes on her desk as I walked by and the door was ajar. They did not see me so at this moment they believe no one knows. It was a disgusting display of lust and inappropriate behavior in the work place. In the past this person who I also called my friend has let individuals go because of inappropriate sexual behavior at the office. He has frowned upon and strongly advised to not have romantic relationships within the office. At the very least this hypocritical behavior needs to be taken to task. The more I think about it the angrier I'm becoming!

You're a voyeur too, huh?

Your boss may be a hypocrite, but so are you.

 

[Danolo]

Right or wrong, its none of your business... don't be weasel.

 

[SillyGirl]

Thank you for your input Sarah. I appreciate the input from the ladies, thank you to both you and SillyGirl. I know it's true because I was working late last night. They did not know I was in and I seen them with my own eyes on her desk as I walked by and the door was ajar. They did not see me so at this moment they believe no one knows. It was a disgusting display of lust and inappropriate behavior in the work place. In the past this person who I also called my friend has let individuals go because of inappropriate sexual behavior at the office. He has frowned upon and strongly advised to not have romantic relationships within the office. At the very least this hypocritical behavior needs to be taken to task. The more I think about it the angrier I'm becoming!

Take a deep breath and calm down, Baz. This situation will not be helped by your reacting from emotion.

It seems you are dealing with two issues...first, your boss is engaging in what you consider to be immoral behavior. Second, and perhaps more important, you have discovered that someone you considered a mentor and a friend is not the person you thought he was. Both are understandably upsetting, but it is very important that you think this through and not just go with your emotional reaction.

What is it that you expect to happen if you confront him? Do you think he will see the error of his ways, end the affair and fire the secretary? Not likely. But even if that did happen, would it really change your disappointment in your friend?

Seriously, keep your mouth shut and start looking for another job. When you have found one and your boss asks why you are leaving, that might be the time to tell him what you know.

 

[BEER]

Do you realize you have fag syndromes?

 

[Baz]

Beer, please stop trolling I'm not in the mood. I have invited both my friend/boss and his wife over for dinner this evening. Ida doesn't know and I haven't said a word except for being a tad standoffish to his secretary. I found myself seething standing anywhere within her presence. My reasoning for the dinner invite is too see the interaction between both husband and wife, hopefully I will be able to contain myself.

 

[papasmerf]

Beer, please stop trolling I'm not in the mood. I have invited both my friend/boss and his wife over for dinner this evening. Ida doesn't know and I haven't said a word except for being a tad standoffish to his secretary. I found myself seething standing anywhere within her presence. My reasoning for the dinner invite is too see the interaction between both husband and wife, hopefully I will be able to contain myself.

There is not a good way for you to handle this.

Appointing yourself judge is not the way either.

If as you say this man is your friend.
Your best bet is to take him to lunch and ask him about it.
Not tell him how wrong he is. Instead ask him is there is anything you can do.
If he tells you to mind your own business then as a friend remind him, you hate seeing him hurt his wife.

But if you do anything that can help end their marriage you re not being a friend.

 

[Baz]

But if you do anything that can help end their marriage you re not being a friend.

Thank you Papasmerf and do you not think his wife has a right to know? What if he's bringing home diseases or exhausting their savings on the other woman? I'm not going to say anything this evening, I only want to observe and more than likely if I did I would handle it as you mentioned one on one but it will not be easy to look into his wife's eyes knowing what I know.

 

[papasmerf]

Thank you Papasmerf and do you not think his wife has a right to know? What if he's bringing home diseases or exhausting their savings on the other woman? I'm not going to say anything this evening, I only want to observe and more than likely if I did I would handle it as you mentioned one on one but it will not be easy to look into his wife's eyes knowing what I know.

Does she have a right to know?

That might be trumped by the question: Does he have the right to stop?

Be a true friend and speak privately with him.
Don't threaten him.
Don't overtly judge him.
But do ask him to stop.

If he says no and your conscience can no longer allow you to be his friend.
So be it.

Go to a headhunter and resign.
I say this because anger will get the better of you if he continues to see her.
You productivity will suffer as will your caring about doing the best job you can for him.
This will be a result of the loss of respect you had for him.
It is up to you to move on and be prepared to be there for his wife as her friend.

 

[Baz]

Does she have a right to know?

That might be trumped by the question: Does he have the right to stop?

Be a true friend and speak privately with him.
Don't threaten him.
Don't overtly judge him.
But do ask him to stop.

If he says no and your conscience can no longer allow you to be his friend.
So be it.

Go to a headhunter and resign.
I say this because anger will get the better of you if he continues to see her.
You productivity will suffer as will your caring about doing the best job you can for him.
This will be a result of the loss of respect you had for him.
It is up to you to move on and be prepared to be there for his wife as her friend.

Very good advice but the reality of walking off a job I've spent over a decade in is not a prudent position to take. I'd be much better off being asked to leave based on severance than merely quitting because I'd be working for much less money restarting from fresh else where. Unfortunately this is the reality of the situation and I can't bring financial devastation home to my dear wife without at least confiding with her of the situation. I may have to swallow my pride and remain silent but tonight's diner will go a long way in helping me decide.

 

[papasmerf]

Very good advice but the reality of walking off a job I've spent over a decade in is not a prudent position to take. I'd be much better off being asked to leave based on severance than merely quitting because I'd be working for much less money restarting from fresh else where. Unfortunately this is the reality of the situation and I can't bring financial devastation home to my dear wife without at least confiding with her of the situation. I may have to swallow my pride and remain silent but tonight's diner will go a long way in helping me decide.

Then may you be granted the wisdom required to judge the situation.
But remember this in the end, only to God is he answerable.
As will you be.

BTW I can not respect a man who rents his self-respect for a pay-check.

 

[Baz]

BTW I can not respect a man who rents his self-respect for a pay-check.

One cannot live without food which a pay-check affords. As noble as your statement appears to be it is not reality in today's competitive job market.

 

[papasmerf]

One cannot live without food which a pay-check affords. As noble as your statement appears to be it is not reality in today's competitive job market.

If that be the case then suck it up and cancel the diner.

 

[papasmerf]

Better yet

invite the youngster in question to diner, also.

Then all you need do is enjoy the little pathos you put together.

 

[Maurice Boscorelli]

I have invited both my friend/boss and his wife over for dinner this evening. Ida doesn't know and I haven't said a word except for being a tad standoffish to his secretary. I found myself seething standing anywhere within her presence. My reasoning for the dinner invite is too see the interaction between both husband and wife, hopefully I will be able to contain myself.

You are what is commonly referred to as an ''askhole''.

You ask for advice but being the A-hole that you are don't listen to any of it.

Stop meddling in other peoples business!!

 

[Mariner]

You are what is commonly referred to as an ''askhole''.

You ask for advice but being the A-hole that you are don't listen to any of it.

Stop meddling in other peoples business!!

I agree with your post, but I often have a strong suspicion that Baz makes up all of this shit as a sick little game for his childish pleasure.

 

[God]

I agree with your post, but I often have a strong suspicion that Baz makes up all of this shit as a sick little game for his childish pleasure.

He use to write the Seinfeld episodes.

 

[Dan]

I agree with your post, but I often have a strong suspicion that Baz makes up all of this shit as a sick little game for his childish pleasure.

Oh no, I just had a visual of Bas fapping by his computer in glee as he thinks to have pulled the wool over our eyes!

MB, I love it-Askhole- hope you don't mind I use the phrase first chance I get.