Cardinal Fang's Advice Thread

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Hi Fang,
I am horrible at telling jokes. How can I get better at being funny?
Thanks,
Amy

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Brilliant thread, Cardinal.

Now how can we convince Miss Linda to pose naked for a surreal Art experience?

1. I give out advice I don't don farking miracles. Ask GOD for those.
2. I'll give you 2 points for the brilliant use of Art in your pun.
3. Careful what you wish for as you may not like the answer you get.

Fang can you convince Silly girl to post her nude pictures?
Hi SG

I think you may find it easier to get a blow job. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to. Try to coerce and manipulate her to get to the end result and if she asks I didn't say that to you. And change your farking avatar. Nobody is impressed by Charlie Sheen anymore!

Hi Fang,
I am horrible at telling jokes.

I think timing is your issue Amy. For example I didn't appreciate you telling knock-knock jokes when you're in the CG position with me.

How can I get better at being funny?
Thanks,
Amy

I would suggest a funny nose and some glasses. If necessary try throwing in a soft shoe dance in the middle to really highten the punch line and shock them with the absurdity of it all. If all else fails I'll send you a photo of my penis by text. When you find you need a laugh simply whip out your phone and show them the picture. Worked for me the last time we met.

 

[Got Talent]

What's your advice on stopping stuttering?.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

What's your advice on stopping stuttering?.

Very good question! Take up sign language.

 

[Madman]

Fang, how do I keep Blissful focused on dusting and cleaning instead of trying to seduce all the ladies??raying: LOOK I'M PRAYING you have the answerraying:

 

[RAWD]

Fang - Amy keeps showing me pictures of your penis. Make her stop. Please.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Fang, how do I keep Blissful focused on dusting and cleaning instead of trying to seduce all the ladies??raying: LOOK I'M PRAYING you have the answerraying:

I'm sure there's a joke in here somewhere about a feather duster, a vacuum attachment and a lesbian.

Madman, not everyone handles domestic duties well. In some cases they're not very good at it. I think you need to find out why Blissfull seeks fulfillment in seducing women and then channel that into a male defined domestic chore she hates. If that fails I suggest filling the dirty room with hot women and letting her loose in it.

Fang - Amy keeps showing me pictures of your penis. Make her stop. Please.

You have to admit it's pretty funny given that it's also at 1:1 scale on her smart phone.

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

I think timing is your issue Amy. For example I didn't appreciate you telling knock-knock jokes when you're in the CG position with me.

I would suggest a funny nose and some glasses. If necessary try throwing in a soft shoe dance in the middle to really highten the punch line and shock them with the absurdity of it all. If all else fails I'll send you a photo of my penis by text. When you find you need a laugh simply whip out your phone and show them the picture. Worked for me the last time we met.

Thank you, I shall try the funny nose and glasses. Dancing is a great suggestion too...that will definitely cause people to laugh at me until they pee themselves. I do have a question though.... Why did you "need a laugh" when we met? I really must be more horrible than I think I am at being entertaining Oh no Duhhhh

 

[Curly]

What came first the egg or the chicken :BigHug:

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Why did you "need a laugh" when we met? I really must be more horrible than I think I am at being entertaining Oh no Duhhhh

If you recall Amy you clearly represented yourself as 4'-10" when in fact you were 4'-9." That was funny. With respect to your question on you being entertaining I think I will refuse to answer that question on the grounds that what I may say would be incriminating against me if I was brought up on charges of being a pervert.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

What came first the egg or the chicken :BigHug:

They most likely evolved together the same as other egg laying creatures from a microscopic replicator that happened to evolve a mutation which would allow a thin shell of proteins or some-such protectant layer to attach to it's offspring. Such a mutation would have it's origins on something almost unrecognizable compared to the egg of a modern chicken. It's like asking, what came first, the leaf or the branch? I'm not sure but I know I got wood.

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

I refuse to argue over a petty three quarters of an inch difference.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

IT WAS A FULL INCH IF IT WAS ANYTHING!

Trust me I KNOW what an inch is honey. Oh wait.....that came out wrong.

 

[Madman]

I'm sure there's a joke in here somewhere about a feather duster, a vacuum attachment and a lesbian.

Madman, not everyone handles domestic duties well. In some cases they're not very good at it. I think you need to find out why Blissfull seeks fulfillment in seducing women and then channel that into a male defined domestic chore she hates. If that fails I suggest filling the dirty room with hot women and letting her loose in it.

Thank you Cardinal for sharing your wisdom, perhaps you can send a few dirty nuns my way. Strictly for the sake of Blissful.

One more question I have is how do I trim my beard into a nicely shaped goatee so that it matches my pubic area?

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

 

[Cardinal Fang]

One more question I have is how do I trim my beard into a nicely shaped goatee so that it matches my pubic area?

You want advice from me on how to make your facial features look more like your crotch?

COME ON! CHALLENGE ME!!!!!! :biggrin2:

And Amy is falling forward again. Something about her centre of gravity is off.

 

[Goodfella]

Dear Abby..oops I mean Fang - Do you advice for me to have a thresome or a foursome this Saturday coming?.

 

[Madman]

You want advice from me on how to make your facial features look more like your crotch?

COME ON! CHALLENGE ME!!!!!! :biggrin2:

And Amy is falling forward again. Something about her centre of gravity is off.

Listen here, if you seen me you would notice my nose can pass for a dick and NO I'M NOT Jewish! So therefore I'm thinking I could use this special attribute in a subliminal fashion to pick up women. What do you think?

 

[AMd'MAN]

Do you develop it or you are born with swagger?.

 

[Wise Guy]

Do you like wise guys :biggrin2: