Distraught!!

[tboy]

See, you seem to be one of the reasonable ones (ex wives) the way you handled your divorce but the only thing I bring into question is "easier to be a rockstar at work, if there is someone taking care of the rest of his life".

What is "his" life? The kids? Not him. The groceries? A single guy doesn't eat much. The house? It's hers too and would he have such a large house if he didn't have a wife and kids?

See, the issue I have is that too many (even the courts) look at it the way the OP and you do: he was/is able to have a career because of her. Well, as I said, he most likely would have had the career with or without her. So that really doesn't play. Her raising the kids and taking care of the house is as much HER life as his. So you could say she was simply living HER life.

The issue I have is that no matter what, she'll end up with more than 50% of the assets. Even if buddy loses his 5 figure job in this economy, that won't matter to the courts. He'll still have to pay based on the original 5 figure income. Even if he has to start elsewhere at the bottom for $40K a year, the courts say he'll have to give all of his earnings to her, PLUS penalize him for the amounts he is short every month. Believe me, it happens. There was a story in the paper up here where a guy was working in the aerospace industry and the company went tits up.

She was living in the family home, driving the family mercedes, playing golf and tennis while he lived in a cot in his parent's basement eating Kraft dinner and alphagetti. AND on top of that, he lost his licence due to non-payment of alimony, AND he was $4000 in the hole every month.

What got me was that if they'd stayed together, and he'd lost his job, her lifestyle would have taken a downturn. Yet just because she left him, the courts determine that her lifestyle shouldn't change one bit.

So, the moral of the story is: if it looks like your husband is going to lose his high paying job, LEAVE. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Leave immediately that way, you'll end up with the lion's share of everything. If you wait until he loses his job, you could end up with nothing.....(since you may have to start liquidating assets to pay bills and when you do leave, half of nothing is nothing and if he isn't earning anything, you won't get anything in alimony)......

 

[SillyGirl]

What is "his" life? The kids? Not him. The groceries? A single guy doesn't eat much. The house? It's hers too and would he have such a large house if he didn't have a wife and kids?

If you don't consider a man's children and the accompanying responsibilities to be part of "his" life, then I guess it's a good thing you don't have any. That's what I meant, along with "his" laundry and "his" oil changes and "his" meals and shopping for presents for "his" side of the family...it's the little day to day things that he didn't have to think about. Those little things take time and planning, and not having to do them does make it easier for a guy to focus solely on his job. To say those things have no value is just ridiculous.

 

[RAWD]

Tboy, I don't know the particulars of that story. But, at least in Ontario, if the husband's financial situation deteriorates, he can apply to the Court to have his support payments varied.

 

[Auggie]

If you don't consider a man's children and the accompanying responsibilities to be part of "his" life, then I guess it's a good thing you don't have any. That's what I meant, along with "his" laundry and "his" oil changes and "his" meals and shopping for presents for "his" side of the family...it's the little day to day things that he didn't have to think about. Those little things take time and planning, and not having to do them does make it easier for a guy to focus solely on his job. To say those things have no value is just ridiculous.

Very true, there are so many ways that a wife often takes care of the family that goes unappreciated and unnoticed. Then when he cheats on her it's a slap to her face.
We don't don't the circumstances in Barbara's case though, if they were separated there's no cheating but it's not so black and white. There is still pain.

 

[peace]

.,,no wonder I avoid relationships like a plague. uch:

 

[tboy]

Tboy, I don't know the particulars of that story. But, at least in Ontario, if the husband's financial situation deteriorates, he can apply to the Court to have his support payments varied.

The key word there is "apply" to have his supports varied....in all the cases I've heard of, some intimately, not one has ever been lowered.....

If you don't consider a man's children and the accompanying responsibilities to be part of "his" life, then I guess it's a good thing you don't have any. That's what I meant, along with "his" laundry and "his" oil changes and "his" meals and shopping for presents for "his" side of the family...it's the little day to day things that he didn't have to think about. Those little things take time and planning, and not having to do them does make it easier for a guy to focus solely on his job. To say those things have no value is just ridiculous.

1) The children are a part of THEIR life, not just his.
2) His laundry. BFD. I do laundry once or twice a month and it takes me 2 hrs. When I was really busy on the road, I'd take it to the fluff and fold and for $25.00 a month, they'd not only wash, dry, fold and sort but they'd also do repairs too. In fact, they'd even iron my cotton button down dress shirts.
3) HIS meals? He's at work earning an income. In reality, he most likely only eats 1 meal a day (supper) during the week
4) HIS oil change? More likely HE was arranging HERS.

And finally, do you honestly think he never gave a thought to the kid's education? Daycare? Schooling? boyscouts, girlscouts, little league, anything? Sorry, from the sounds of it you're talking like he fucked her, then went off to New Zealand for 20 yrs while she did everything else. I don't know about you, but any time I worked with people who had spouses at home, they received about 10 phone calls every day from the spouse about the kids, the mortgage, the plumbing, the car, the driveway, the lawn, etc etc etc. In fact, when I worked in the corporate world, those with kids were always taking days off to be with a sick kid, taking them to the doctor, etc etc etc.

THIS is why I disagree with the current ways alimony and support is decided. According to Sillygirl he never once had to worry, think about or do anything other than work. SHE did everything, he was just a wallet.

And go back and read, I never once said what a live at home mother did had no value.....

 

[Fullthrottle]

This is a very interesting thread. Tboy makes many good points but I believe the stay home mom does deserve a bit more credit than just seeming like a leech on her SO's assets.

Barb someone earlier I believe mentioned revenge sex is your best form of revenge, 416-cal-full:666:

 

[tboy]

This is a very interesting thread. Tboy makes many good points but I believe the stay home mom does deserve a bit more credit than just seeming like a leech on her SO's assets.

Barb someone earlier I believe mentioned revenge sex is your best form of revenge, 416-cal-full:666:

That's true, but from the other side, there are those that seem to think that the husband is nothing more than a wallet.....does this sound familiar?

 

[Barbara]

Sillygirl, Auggie, Art, Oddball thank you so much for your kind words. You are wonderful people.

A1player you might not agree with me right now but I think you too are a wonderful intelligent human being.

Maurice please find another friend but I still enjoy your posts.

T-boy, you are a well spoken individual. I cannot deny that within your ramblings you do make some good points and some "what if" points that are just out there. I am so happy to read in your posts that you have never burdened a young lady with being your spouse, that in itself has I'm sure been the most unselfish act you have done in your life.

To clarify another point a poster made and is correct in stating that we were at one point separated. I had asked him to leave when I first joined this site as I had suspected his infidelity. He moved out at my request and stayed in a hotel room calling me every night, begging me to let him come home. He would go on and on telling me how wrong I was and unless I had proof I should be much more of a responsible woman and not ruin our lives or our families lives. Of course I capitulated as I have done throughout our marriage and let him come home. Albeit my suspicions had not subsided and I was hell bent on getting the proof I was looking for which thanks to his stupidity he left it in my lap to find.

Now you have a little bit more of the events that led up to my quest for the pot of gold that I will be after and think I am rightfully entitled too despite some of the naysayers.

 

[Chunky]

Maurice please find another friend but I still enjoy your posts.

T-boy, you are a well spoken individual. I cannot deny that within your ramblings you do make some good points and some "what if" points that are just out there. I am so happy to read in your posts that you have never burdened a young lady with being your spouse, that in itself has I'm sure been the most unselfish act you have done in your life.



Now you have a little bit more of the events that led up to my quest for the pot of gold that I will be after and think I am rightfully entitled too despite some of the naysayers.

OUCH!

 

[Jerkthis]

I'm surprised this thread is still alive and not locked up yet. It's probably a matter of time before Mod99 steps in.

 

[connoisseur]

When he comes home, pull down his pants and give him a BJ. Keep eye contact and when he cums, ask: "Was I better than she?":happy:

Guaranteed to work!

 

[tboy]

.......

Now you have a little bit more of the events that led up to my quest for the pot of gold that I will be after and think I am rightfully entitled too despite some of the naysayers.

I rest my case......

 

[Jpncby]

All I know is I'm never getting married after reading this thread

 

[RAWD]

The key word there is "apply" to have his supports varied....in all the cases I've heard of, some intimately, not one has ever been lowered....

I've seen reductions time and again. when the court has refused, its usually because the petitioner was an asshole and hiding income

 

[tboy]

I've seen reductions time and again. when the court has refused, its usually because the petitioner was an asshole and hiding income

Well, good for those guys then ......I guess they had better lawyers.....

 

[FUKUMAN]

Well, good for those guys then ......I guess they had better lawyers.....

Money buys fake happiness.

 

[LickingGravity]

Even though this is all being laid at our doorstep it's difficult to comment on all of this as we only have one side of the story. It could be the polar opposite to the reality of the situation or close to the truth. Typically when emotions are involved you rarely get an unbiased version. If nothing else this is an unusual forum in which to seek support,vindication or simply just to rant (why else would you post?) although this isn't the first such story of this nature posted here.
"Pot of Gold" as revenge just doesn't strike me as terribly altruistic either but it sure does get the lawyers rubbing their hands togther with glee.

 

[RAWD]

The "pot of gold" comment is understandable. With betrayal comes hurt and anger. Hopefully cooler heads prevail as they work out the details of their separation.

My question is, how were your communications? You booted his ass out when you originally suspected his infidelity. Did you talk about your relationship? Did you ask if he was happy? Were you happy?

 

[Auggie]

He isn't aware of it yet, as a matter of fact he's still out. PROBABLY WITH THE SLUT!!! Golfing my fat ass!!

I can't wait until he comes home. He'll pay, seriously he will pay. I've already put his prized motorcycle outside in the rain but before I did I spray painted it and put sugar in the gas tank. His clothes have been thrown all over the front lawn and his laptop is on the deck enjoying the raindrops as they fall. ASSHOLE!!

Please update us, Barbara.