JOKES / FUNNY STUFF THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH.

[SillyGirl]

A woman was in a casino for the first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel has always caught her attention. She decides to test her luck at the roulette games and she says, "I have no idea what number to play." A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 29. The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up. The smile drifts from the woman's face and she faints.

 

[JackassJack]

 

[JackassJack]

 

[Macroline]

20 Responses to Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

 

[Dummpy]

JOKES / FUNNY STUFF THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH.

There is a giant looser living in his mom's basement, he insists that his alias is Terry Johnson, and he is rather famous for the email's from sensfan, dave and tdeem, he has this blog that clearly illustrates what an idiot he is, the good news is that we here in Ottawa don't have to read his blogs, a good Samaritan has posted a mirror site collecting his stupidities and explaining them as a Coles note for us it is very very funny for anyone that follows any of the industry in Ottawa;

https://streetshit-blog.blogspot.com/

I hope this post is not in violation of any rules, I know on the other board it would be a big no no.

 

[Brocklee]

Very interesting...

 

[Goodlooking]

Weird guy wonder why he bothers with bullshit. Oh well he's been caught, next.

 

[jazzitup]

I sometimes wondered about what this asshole was about.
The reason is, that my email address is on his streetpit blog from when he hacked a providers gmail account and then outed her.

Thanks for doing this Dummpy, I appreciate it.

 

[Apache14]

Dummpy, you did not violate any rules by posting this here. In fact it is a good public service. This person has tried to out many folks and his agenda is suspect to say the least. As long as it remains an information post, rather than a bunch of attacks that may result in retaliation against this board, you are on safe ground.

 

[Felix]

Thanks Dummpy.

Hey, nice handle name :he:.

 

[Dummpy]

The site was not done by me, I am not sure who runs the site. However if you have information that can help identify this moron please forward it to the site administrator.

Also this guys gets off on publicity even bad press, when you click on his site it gives him a thrill that people are paying attention to him. By going to the alternative site instead of his site you deflate his self importance by reducing his clicks.

The part I find the most disturbing is his invitation to pimps and escort agencies to send him info on any "difficult" ladies and he will put them in their place. This is particularily disturbing to me.

 

[Oliver stone]

The part I find the most disturbing is his invitation to pimps and escort agencies to send him info on any "difficult" ladies and he will put them in their place. This is particularily disturbing to me.

Should the authorities not be called?. Looks to me that he is a very dangerous man.

 

[Apache14]

Basically there is nothing that can be done. He is smart enough not to threaten in a way that would cause him legal issues. In fact, many of his threats have to deal with turning people into LE or outing people by posting real names etc. None of which is of interest to the authorities.

 

[sweetmadison]

Although the LE turns a blind eye to the industry here in Ottawa unless they have a public complaint to go on. They are not the least bit concerned about our welfare, it just becomes a big joke to them. They do not believe that we are part of the citizens that they need to protect, we are second class. Have a look on youtube and search "Ottawa Police Beats Innocent Woman", and she was just an intoxicated university student. Maybe we should get the Human society on our side, if I got half the respect of a dog or cat I would be happy, imagine the backlash if Stacy Bond had been a dog.

I am not sure how to react about Terry Johnson's anonymous rants on the internet, it seems that we need to have some kind of ranking or rating system for these anonymopus blogs if we are going to leave them for "free speech". Something like "8 out 10 readers find this information to be useless and false"

 

[Ang]

Joke of the day

Joke of the day

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size.

She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.

After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied,

"Have you tried Clearasil?"

 

[Curly]

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size.

She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.

After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied,

"Have you tried Clearasil?"

Ouch

 

[Curly]

What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers?

They grow taller!

 

[BlueBalls]

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]15. Sadly, all men are created equal...

 

[McGuinty]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]15. Sadly, all men are created equal...

# 2.

 

[TGordon]

Although the LE turns a blind eye to the industry here in Ottawa unless they have a public complaint to go on. They are not the least bit concerned about our welfare, it just becomes a big joke to them. They do not believe that we are part of the citizens that they need to protect, we are second class. Have a look on youtube and search"Ottawa Police Beats Innocent Woman", and she was just an intoxicated university student. Maybe we should get the Human society on our side, if I got half the respect of a dog or cat I would be happy, imagine the backlash if Stacy Bond had been a dog.

Wow :neutral: