G
Guido
Guest
My alarm is suppose to go off @ 6 am. but of course I hit the snooze button and I wake up in a panic at 6:45 am.
I jump out of bed, rush into the bathroom, jump into the shower and AHHHH FUCK brrrrrrrrr, it's freezing cold because by now my 2 kids drained the hot water tank showering.
I shower with the cold water, I survive major shrinkage not too mention pruned nut sack syndrome.
I now proceed to shave . God dammit I drew blood twice. I grab Kleenex balls and press tightly, splash some after shave, fuck that burns god dammit!
I finish the shave and now grab for the Arrid Extra Dry, pssst nothing but air, GOD DAMMIT it's empty so now I'm using Secret and feeling rather feminine.
I open up my dresser, pull out my favorite yellow speedo and pull out a black pair of socks which are rolled up in a ball. I unravel them, put them on, GOD DAMMIT one's blue and one is black. Really, I swear to God if she can't do the laundry properly I'm trading her in. If anyone tells her what I just said I'm denying it all so give it up! I'm not changing my socks I don't have time and nobody is going to notice so who gives a rat's ass!
I grab my slacks, lay on the bed and attempt to button them up. What you've never had to lay on the bed to button your pants? Yeah right whatever!
At this point I'm thinking it's going to get better because it's breakfast time. I rush downstairs and find a 2 inch piece of omelette left with one slice of toast and a cold espresso. I look over and she's yapping "you're late, XXXX and XXXXX have already been down, sorry they beat you to eat and this is all that's left, grab something on the way if it's not enough", I swear to GOD Alice, one day, just one day POW right to the moon, grrrrrrrrrr!
Fine, I can stop off and pick up a egg mcmuffin on the way to work. I'm going to be late so who the hell gives a rat's ass at this point?
I head for the door, slip on my Milano Biscotti shoes and out the door we go. Oh no, really REALLY REALLY a friggen flat tire. I couldn't believe it, there goes the egg mcmuffin:grrrrrr: with sausage:Crying2:and cheese:Crying2:!!!! Back inside I go and call CAA,"I'm sorry sir we will be at least 30 minutes", really REALLY , whatever! "Oh HONEY, how about making some more eggs" "MAKE THEM yourself, I have laundry to do":no: why me, why me?????
Fast forward 1 hour and 25 minutes>>>>>>>>
Flat is fixed and I'm heading to work, I'm late and I'm doing 75 in a 60. I'm zipping along and this dude in a blue outfit jumps out from behind a ttc shelter and is yelling at me to pull over. Thoughts are racing through my mind, 1) hit him with damn car before he pulls out his gun and tries to shoot me-no not a good idea 2) go around him and race as quick as I can before he can rush into his car- no not a good idea 3) pull over and take it in the ass like a man-yeah I got it right in the ass, 15 over and a warning that my sticker was missing on my ownership, wtf, ticket me to because I don't give a rat's ass anymore about anything else today!!!!!!
I finally get to work, spend the entire day explaining to everyone why my socks don't match. I go for lunch and spill food all down the front of my white shirt and driving home at a stop light I feel like someone is staring at me. I look over and the friggen cop that ticketed me in the morning is stopped at the light beside me smiling at me, &$^%@*%@ PIECE OF #$#*@( GOD DAMMIT!!!!
Dinner was great though, gnocchi with veal scallopinii.
I jump out of bed, rush into the bathroom, jump into the shower and AHHHH FUCK brrrrrrrrr, it's freezing cold because by now my 2 kids drained the hot water tank showering.
I shower with the cold water, I survive major shrinkage not too mention pruned nut sack syndrome.
I now proceed to shave . God dammit I drew blood twice. I grab Kleenex balls and press tightly, splash some after shave, fuck that burns god dammit!
I finish the shave and now grab for the Arrid Extra Dry, pssst nothing but air, GOD DAMMIT it's empty so now I'm using Secret and feeling rather feminine.
I open up my dresser, pull out my favorite yellow speedo and pull out a black pair of socks which are rolled up in a ball. I unravel them, put them on, GOD DAMMIT one's blue and one is black. Really, I swear to God if she can't do the laundry properly I'm trading her in. If anyone tells her what I just said I'm denying it all so give it up! I'm not changing my socks I don't have time and nobody is going to notice so who gives a rat's ass!
I grab my slacks, lay on the bed and attempt to button them up. What you've never had to lay on the bed to button your pants? Yeah right whatever!
At this point I'm thinking it's going to get better because it's breakfast time. I rush downstairs and find a 2 inch piece of omelette left with one slice of toast and a cold espresso. I look over and she's yapping "you're late, XXXX and XXXXX have already been down, sorry they beat you to eat and this is all that's left, grab something on the way if it's not enough", I swear to GOD Alice, one day, just one day POW right to the moon, grrrrrrrrrr!
Fine, I can stop off and pick up a egg mcmuffin on the way to work. I'm going to be late so who the hell gives a rat's ass at this point?
I head for the door, slip on my Milano Biscotti shoes and out the door we go. Oh no, really REALLY REALLY a friggen flat tire. I couldn't believe it, there goes the egg mcmuffin:grrrrrr: with sausage:Crying2:and cheese:Crying2:!!!! Back inside I go and call CAA,"I'm sorry sir we will be at least 30 minutes", really REALLY , whatever! "Oh HONEY, how about making some more eggs" "MAKE THEM yourself, I have laundry to do":no: why me, why me?????
Fast forward 1 hour and 25 minutes>>>>>>>>
Flat is fixed and I'm heading to work, I'm late and I'm doing 75 in a 60. I'm zipping along and this dude in a blue outfit jumps out from behind a ttc shelter and is yelling at me to pull over. Thoughts are racing through my mind, 1) hit him with damn car before he pulls out his gun and tries to shoot me-no not a good idea 2) go around him and race as quick as I can before he can rush into his car- no not a good idea 3) pull over and take it in the ass like a man-yeah I got it right in the ass, 15 over and a warning that my sticker was missing on my ownership, wtf, ticket me to because I don't give a rat's ass anymore about anything else today!!!!!!
I finally get to work, spend the entire day explaining to everyone why my socks don't match. I go for lunch and spill food all down the front of my white shirt and driving home at a stop light I feel like someone is staring at me. I look over and the friggen cop that ticketed me in the morning is stopped at the light beside me smiling at me, &$^%@*%@ PIECE OF #$#*@( GOD DAMMIT!!!!
Dinner was great though, gnocchi with veal scallopinii.
raying:
