Cardinal Fang's Advice Thread

[Transient]

Have the cardinal bless it so I can get on with my workout.

 

[Transient]

You don't need holy water for Bubba, just have GOD whizz on him.

 

[Madman]

Have the cardinal bless it so I can get on with my workout.

The Cardinal will whizz in the Grappa. You know he's a bit nuts right? Think about it, in this heat he walks around dressed like this

BTW, he's not to be mistaken with a Cardinal bird, ALTHOUGH I've been told by a few ladies he's known as birdie dick but I'm not sure what they meant by that?

 

[Art Mann]

The tenant in the apartment upstairs is a total babe, Your Eminence.

And I think she's trying to proposition me.

For instance, she finds lots of excuses to text me with a request for some manly help around the place, and she always ends her text with a smiley face.

But it's not a regular smiley like this: :biggrin2:

Nope, it's a different smiley, like this:

Notice how it's lying down as if she's on her side in bed?

I mean, here's how I picture us: (-: or possibly (-:

So here's where I need advice:
• Should I ask her how much she charges?
• Or just hit her up for some free civvie sex?

 

[TGordon]

The tenant in the apartment upstairs is a total babe, Your Eminence.

And I think she's trying to proposition me.

For instance, she finds lots of excuses to text me with a request for some manly help around the place, and she always ends her text with a smiley face.

But it's not a regular smiley like this: :biggrin2:

Nope, it's a different smiley, like this:

Notice how it's lying down as if she's on her side in bed?

I mean, here's how I picture us: (-: or possibly (-:

So here's where I need advice:
• Should I ask her how much she charges?
• Or just hit her up for some free civvie sex?

I am so confused.

 

[Analme]

The tenant in the apartment upstairs is a total babe, Your Eminence.

And I think she's trying to proposition me.

For instance, she finds lots of excuses to text me with a request for some manly help around the place, and she always ends her text with a smiley face.

But it's not a regular smiley like this: :biggrin2:

Nope, it's a different smiley, like this:

Notice how it's lying down as if she's on her side in bed?

I mean, here's how I picture us: (-: or possibly (-:

So here's where I need advice:
• Should I ask her how much she charges?
• Or just hit her up for some free civvie sex?

Dude, in the absence of his eminence I will suggest you take a shot at free civvie sex.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

The tenant in the apartment upstairs is a total babe, Your Eminence.

That's great! Just make sure she's of age because you know what the say 15 will get you 10.

And I think she's trying to proposition me.

Go on.....

For instance, she finds lots of excuses to text me with a request for some manly help around the place, and she always ends her text with a smiley face.

Yes yes...please continue.

But it's not a regular smiley like this: :biggrin2:

Nope, it's a different smiley, like this:

That looks like a regular smile to me.

Notice how it's lying down as if she's on her side in bed?

Ya but there's no sense of a body or torso for that matter. Just looks like a head starring back at you. Kinda creepy no?

I mean, here's how I picture us: (-: or possibly (-:

Honestly it just looks like you two are face to face or back to back looking up at me.

So here's where I need advice:
• Should I ask her how much she charges?
• Or just hit her up for some free civvie sex?

I'd hit her up first. Use something soft like a pillow so as not to impair her ability to make a judgement. If she says no then ask her how much she charges. If she still says no you can always take comfort in the fact you've both managed to have creepy "smilie" petting.

 

[Art Mann]

Thanks for the advice. That pillow talk sounds like fun.

Now I've got to ask you about my bank teller. She's so hot looking, she must be an SP, right?

How should I ask her whether she has a private room with shower out back where I can make a special deposit?

 

[RAWD]

Fang - there's a really cute beer cart girl at my club. I'd love to sink a few birdies into her hole. What would be the best way to see if she'll ride my go-go stick?

 

[Jesus Quintana]

Art I'm so proud that you have done well and embraced the pooner lifestyle to the point that you finally see that young ladies are honoured when old guys like ourselves offer them money to "tap dat ass".

You've learned your lessons well, young padwan.

 

[Saint]

WTF is going on here with all these holy people.


THIS IS AN ADULT REVIEW SITE :shout:

Can I join the party ;/Waving://

 

[Madman]

Dear Cardinal, Art and Rawd need your advice. You can't start an advice thread and then willy nilly disappear whenever you feel like it!! What's next, you want tomorrow off to go to the races or something along those lines??

Dammit, it's hard to find good help!

 

[Satan]

Can I join the party ;/Waving://

Saints not allowed here.

Where is God so I can have a word with him.

 

[Esco!]

Where is God so I can have a word with him

That would be me. Every time I bang a girl she screams: "oh God......oh God"!!

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Thanks for the advice. That pillow talk sounds like fun.

Now I've got to ask you about my bank teller. She's so hot looking, she must be an SP, right?

It always fascinates me how when we encounter hot women in our day to day lives that we think or imagine that they could be SP's. hmmmmmm. I guess that thought of being able to procure sex for money that can drive men's fantasies. In your case Art Mann I doubt it very much that she is.

How should I ask her whether she has a private room with shower out back where I can make a special deposit?

Be subtle and coy with it so that you have a means to back out of the conversation. I would suggest the following conversation should take place:

ArtMan: Hi there!
Big Chested Teller: Hi can I help you?
ArtMan: Yes you can.
Big Chested Teller: Would you mind not starring at my chest?
ArtMan: My apologies I thought it was a starring contest.
Big Chested Teller: How can I help you?
ArtMan: I'd like to make a deposit.
Big Chested Teller: Is there something wrong with your eye?
ArtMan: No not at all. I'd like to give you my deposit for you to take care of.
Big Chested Teller: Ok....how much would you like to deposit.
ArtMan: That depends on your current interest rate.
Big Chested Teller: *Grabs colour coded interest rate chart and holds it in front of her chest* Let me help you read it better.
ArtMan: Ah yes!

You get the picture.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Fang - there's a really cute beer cart girl at my club. I'd love to sink a few birdies into her hole. What would be the best way to see if she'll ride my go-go stick?

I love Golf. The entire sport is one great analogy after another for picking up and hitting on women. The problem is that not enough hot women take up golf. Try out these analogies on her next time you see her.

"I prefer golf to sex… because it takes around 4 hours to finish, you end up getting in 80 odd strokes and if I’m bad, even more. "

"I can play other courses with out feeling guilty."

"After I’m finished I compare my performance with friends and if I went better, they give me a money."

"I can take lessons to improve my stroke."

"I can always get bigger and better equipment."

"I can play with 3 strangers, all of them ladies and they will all contribute towards the enjoyment."

"If I’m extra good I get a trophy and my name in the paper."

"I get to play the back nine every time!!!!!!!!"

 

[RAWD]

I gotta write down those lines.

I especially like the "back 9"...classic!

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Gasp! Hahahahaha

 

[Cardinal Fang]

RAWD,

I want credit if you get so much as a hand job out of this. I especially want credit If you get a slap in the face or a kick in the giblets. :biggrin2:

Gasp! Hahahahaha

*Takes putter out from under Amy's skirt.*

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Fkkk tears rolling down my face LOL