oldguyzer
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So THAT's why my marriage didn't work...she took...I gave. Damn, I thought that was supposed to happen! :blush2:
- Thread starter Milko
- Start date
So THAT's why my marriage didn't work...she took...I gave. Damn, I thought that was supposed to happen! :blush2:
oldguyzer
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Hang in there. I've been in a long-term relationship with an SP and everything is fine. Just be honest and open, and avoid thinking about "work" too much.
- Thread starter
- #23
Thank you Oldguyzer, you give me hope.
papasmerf
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Ridgeman08
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My advice to you...
My advice to you...
Don't do it. Unless she is committed to quitting the biz and you are committed to quitting the hobby. Here's why:
Recreational sex (ie "sport fucking") is different than emotional sex.
Recreational sex is what this "Hobby" is all about.
Emotional sex is what a relationship is all about. The two cannot coexist... because one will be the demise of the other. I know that is not going to be a popular opinion on this forum, but it is almost always the case.
Us guys "hobby" because there is something missing in our lives: gratifying sex! Those of you with SO's and who are still in love with those SO's, aren't getting what they want, so they turn to SP's. That is what I call recreational sex. Once the SO finds out about it, the relationship almost always inevitably ends... because the spouse is unable to separate the two types of sex. (Edit: This is equally true for guys as well as girls BTW)
SP's hobby because there is something missing in THEIR lives. The financial means to live the sort of lifestyle they want. That is not to say that some (many) also enjoy their jobs, because many of them do. Sex FEELS good! (If done well of course... as with all things there are exceptions to every rule...) I know many SP's say they do this for a living because they just enjoy sex so much, and while I'm not disputing that they DO in fact enjoy it, (I know first hand that many of them do...) they don't do it for THAT reason exclusively, because then they'd be doing it for free. LoL (Edit: Kudo's to them for having a fun job, they enjoy, that also pays good money!)
Occasionally, there comes a time when recreational sex turns into emotional sex, and that is when the prospect of dating an SP occurs. However, unless the SP is willing to quit the business and find a new vocation/ means of living their lives to the standard they want, and the hobbyist is going to stop seeing other SP's, then this relationship is doomed. Its the nature of the beast. And cannot be avoided. (Edit: In spite of one's best intentions...)
Time and time again have I read and heard stories of SP's and clients trying to make a go of it, but unless they are both completely committed to the relationship and cut themselves off completely from other recreational sex partners, it won't last... It may survive for awhile because everyone is having fun, but eventually the inevitable will happen.
The only possible solution is to have recreational AND emotional sex with the same partner... exclusively.
Just sayin....
My advice to you...
Don't do it. Unless she is committed to quitting the biz and you are committed to quitting the hobby. Here's why:
Recreational sex (ie "sport fucking") is different than emotional sex.
Recreational sex is what this "Hobby" is all about.
Emotional sex is what a relationship is all about. The two cannot coexist... because one will be the demise of the other. I know that is not going to be a popular opinion on this forum, but it is almost always the case.
Us guys "hobby" because there is something missing in our lives: gratifying sex! Those of you with SO's and who are still in love with those SO's, aren't getting what they want, so they turn to SP's. That is what I call recreational sex. Once the SO finds out about it, the relationship almost always inevitably ends... because the spouse is unable to separate the two types of sex. (Edit: This is equally true for guys as well as girls BTW)
SP's hobby because there is something missing in THEIR lives. The financial means to live the sort of lifestyle they want. That is not to say that some (many) also enjoy their jobs, because many of them do. Sex FEELS good! (If done well of course... as with all things there are exceptions to every rule...) I know many SP's say they do this for a living because they just enjoy sex so much, and while I'm not disputing that they DO in fact enjoy it, (I know first hand that many of them do...) they don't do it for THAT reason exclusively, because then they'd be doing it for free. LoL (Edit: Kudo's to them for having a fun job, they enjoy, that also pays good money!)
Occasionally, there comes a time when recreational sex turns into emotional sex, and that is when the prospect of dating an SP occurs. However, unless the SP is willing to quit the business and find a new vocation/ means of living their lives to the standard they want, and the hobbyist is going to stop seeing other SP's, then this relationship is doomed. Its the nature of the beast. And cannot be avoided. (Edit: In spite of one's best intentions...)
Time and time again have I read and heard stories of SP's and clients trying to make a go of it, but unless they are both completely committed to the relationship and cut themselves off completely from other recreational sex partners, it won't last... It may survive for awhile because everyone is having fun, but eventually the inevitable will happen.
The only possible solution is to have recreational AND emotional sex with the same partner... exclusively.
Just sayin....
Excellent advice.
The hobby distorts (perverts) perspective.
If you want it to work, it will. A big part of being in a relationship with a sexworker is simply ignoring that part of her life. And YES, that includes rationalizing "what she does vs who she is", etc. You'll probably end up focusing on who and what she is with you, and pretending the other stuff doesn't exist (or is somehow removed from you).
But...I've learned that in the end, there really can't be any equivocation or justification. If what you (and she) want is a "normal" relationship, these psychological defense mechanisms won't work. We can talk about being "open minded" or having "open relationships" in the biz.....but if deep down inside you want fidelity and loyalty, lying to yourself will drive your freakin' bonkers.
A number of things in the OPs post made me nervous. Not the least that she is still working and she needs to crawl out from under a pile of debt. That's a big risk that she's simply using the OP as a SD, or a "work boyfriend" (fringe benefits for fringe support). The other thing is, what happens when she leaves the biz? More than a few girls I've known simply want to walk away and leave this part of their life in the past. She may not mean to hurt you, or have any intention of bailing. But, there's going to be a period of BIG change in her life. Shit happens, so be aware.
We can give you many good reasons NOT to fall for this girl. But, if you're a romantic, or if you're simply self-confidant (and thing that you're smarter and you're not the kind who gets hurt), you won't listen. This is just something you need to experience for yourself. You may not have looked for love, but you found it here. Congratulations, but let's face it, the odds are against you. Just go in with your eyes wide open, pay attention and don't get blind-sided.
Not having anyone to talk to sucks. So, talk it out here. Articulating your thoughts can be helpful in itself.
Maurice Boscorelli
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I suggest Miko that you read this post very carefully because he has hit the proverbial nail on the head.
T
TINY
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a 1 player
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Disagree.
I'm not saying escorts are not nice women, but there IS a difference between dating a person who has sex for a living and a monogamous relationship, for the same reasons and the same manner as dating a man who refuses to be faithful.
But think about this. Technically we are faithful as most stay with their wives. Seeing a SP is the best because there is no emotional attachment and we return home. Having an affair is where it hurts a relationship.
Ridgeman08
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Seriously? :banghead: (You're kidding right?)
I'm sure you'd get a different sort of reaction from most if not all the wives. :don'twantto-see:/ (See my post above...)
a 1 player
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I can only speak for myself... When I am in a relationship I am 100% faithful, and want the same from my partner. I know everyone sees it differently, but that is the only thing that works for me.
oldguyzer
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Same here. As long as there is an SO, I never see an SP. Unless the SP is an SO. If the SO is also an SP then....er....yeah.
Ridgeman08
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+1 A1... its the only way... and for all the reasons I stated above.
Translation. Move on. Plenty of chix out there. Milko You make it sound as though she's the last woman on this earth. Don't waste your time with her baggage and drama.
oldguyzer
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The ellusive Ida revealed at last?
Cardinal Fang
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She's much cuter than I thought. Baz you dirty dog you. :biggrin2:
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Hmmmmmm
- Thread starter
- #40
Thank you for a great post.
She told me that she doesn't enjoy the line of work at all, and is actually looking forward to the day she doesn't have to do this. As to me, I started hobbying recently, just a little under a year from the first time I paid for sex. And I did enjoy the journey, many beautiful women and I think it helped me to become a better lover overall. However pussy isn't something that defines me. Yes I do enjoy sex, just as all men do, but I can live without it. The longest break I took from it, not counting the years before I lost my virginity, was 3 years and if needed I can do more.
It isn't about sex for me, not about getting fucked for free. I enjoy her company and the person she is. Sex is in the background when it comes to relationships in my case. And I am always 100% committed, I don't fuck around and I expect same from my partner. And from the things she told me about her last relationships, we're on the same page. Actually thinking about that, I guess it is part of the reason she doesn't let me in closer. She might think I will not be able to handle her side job. I need to talk to her about that.
And I know the odds are against me, but I am willing to take the risk, and if it doesn't work out I need to learn a lesson from my own mistakes.
