What has happened to Men....

[tboy]

Thesun, it is important to always be yourself. A false front is temporary and within time your real personality will come to light. At this point it can put strain on the relationship.

I don't know that it is so much a false front, but different people bring out different aspects of your personality. I think anyone is capable of "losing" themselves when in love with another, the trick is to allow yourself to fall, but not to the point where you lose all sense of reason. I think that is the big thing that many allow themselves to do...

Kind of like the saying: you can't see the forest for the trees.....and even as a bystander seeing someone getting into trouble, you say something and they ignore you.......

 

[-b]

I don't know that it is so much a false front, but different people bring out different aspects of your personality. I think anyone is capable of "losing" themselves when in love with another, the trick is to allow yourself to fall, but not to the point where you lose all sense of reason. I think that is the big thing that many allow themselves to do...

Kind of like the saying: you can't see the forest for the trees.....and even as a bystander seeing someone getting into trouble, you say something and they ignore you.......

tboy, that what i did I lost myself in the relationship with my ex, I never thought of it that way. I know now and that is a very good point to keep in my wee head.....or brain...Thanks

 

[RAWD]

Love is a very powerful emotion. It can make you lose reason and judgment. When they say that love is blind, it's true...you simply don't see flaws and only see what's attractive to you. Sometimes, you look back and think WTF?!?! How could I not see that ??? It applies to things big and small. I know I'm in trouble when I start making excuses for someone. She's busy, she's having a bad day, she's under pressure. The truth is, when someone, or something, is important to you, you make time and energy for it. And you dont treat people you love like shit, no matter how bad a day you're having. You go out of your way to make them smile.

Speaking of powerful emotions, I had an interesting discussion with another member recently. He said that hate is not the opposite of love, it's the magnification of love. If someone is that important to you that they consume your thoughts with such an overwhelming emotion, they certainly matter.

The opposite of love is indifference, when you no linger think of them, or when you simply no longer care.

On that basis, I think that most guys are very emotional. We may not express love well (Im fluffy, but I also tend to do things, which can come across as pragmatic rather than emotional), but most guys can def show hate! LOL.

 

[-b]

Hate the magnification of Love....Well I have never hated anyone...
I just can understand why it can be. When I think of the way I have being
treat at the end of the marriage, I should hate him but I still find excuses
for him.......I want to hate him but I can not.....

I know men carry their pain differently....and individually....some lash out
others look into themselves and others just avoid their pain.....Some
women do the same but I feel most become emotional...

When you are the one in love and you are the one left I can see where
hate can come to play......

Rawd, I am starting to understand that not all men are controlling...:biggrin2:
And lets not forget in some men eyes, women have the control....

 

[RAWD]

Hate the magnification of Love....Well I have never hated anyone...I just can understand why it can be. When I think of the way I have beingtreat at the end of the marriage, I should hate him but I still find excuses for him.......I want to hate him but I can not.....I know men carry their pain differently....and individually....some lash outothers look into themselves and others just avoid their pain.....Some women do the same but I feel most become emotional...When you are the one in love and you are the one left I can see wherehate can come to play......Rawd, I am starting to understand that not all men are controlling...:biggrin2:And lets not forget in some men eyes, women have the control....

I'm not so sure my friend. Aside from the cuckolds, a lot of guys are controlling. Some are overt, but some are passive aggressive. @Tboy, I wonder, does your Greek girl know that she's lost you? I mean, if you were to and fro so often, I can see her thinking that distance is simply an interlude....

 

[tboy]

I'm not so sure my friend. Aside from the cuckolds, a lot of guys are controlling. Some are overt, but some are passive aggressive. @Tboy, I wonder, does your Greek girl know that she's lost you? I mean, if you were to and fro so often, I can see her thinking that distance is simply an interlude....

well, it's been 15 yrs and she's married and has kids now lol........

 

[RAWD]

well, it's been 15 yrs and she's married and has kids now lol........

I'll bet she still thinks she has your dick in a trance!That girl I've mentioned with the 3 kids, married young to a nice and hardworking but frankly unamitious guy...she left him last year (and the kids). I've recently heard that she still talks about me as the guy she could have had (as do her parents). She hasdmy balls nearly 20 years ago. Not that I'm any prize, but she still thinks she can take me. Does that mean she's enormously arrogant or I'm weak? Lol.

 

[Jesus Quintana]

IF she can then you are a weakling.

 

[-b]

So what would you guys prefer, a woman who is understanding, listens, support and encourages
you or a woman who was great in bed....

I know there are some women who are both...

Some of my male friends at real gentlemen to me and other women....Opening doors, walking
beside you, polite, manners....etc.....

 

[HOF]

All actors are gay, except George Clooney who faked enjoying cock to get his big break.

​

 

[HOF]

I hear HOF is a good guy in real life. Just loves to stir the shit on line. Lol.


Thanks Bazerko, but I'm not a good guy....I'm just trying get better.

Sadly, it's true! :good:

 

[HOF]

i blame rap music

LMAO,

I blame Lilith Fair Music Festival and those women that don't shave their pits!:don'twantto-see:/

 

[HOF]

I have to agree rawd, I still do that but then again, I'll hold the door for a guy too.....and yeah, I liked it better when women were women and men were men....I've spoked about a transsexual I worked with....I couldn't win with him/her. I'd tell a blond joke and their female side would get offended, I'd tell a male joke, and their male side would get offended....just couldn't win!

As for the gf in question, I don't know that she was so much a taker as much as someone who was simply just messed up. (this is the greek woman I have written about). When we first started dating, I was not her number 1 priority, but close. She'd balance the demands of her family with being with me. After a while, it was all family family family and no matter what, I took 3rd or 4th place (sometimes 10th) over everything else. It seemed that things were best with us whenever we broke up....then got back together...then broke up...then got back together......it seemed she was the most dedicated to the relationship when she thought she was losing me....

The last time we broke up she asked if we could get together a couple of weeks later, I told her I was busy, it came out that I had a date that night, she flipped out.....she told me this, she was driving home from work that night after our conversation and realized that if she didn't do something fast, she'd lose me forever, so she called me back and asked me to break the date for that weekend, and could we go away somewhere together for the weekend? Like a moron I said ok, broke the date, had a great weekend with her, and sure enuff, a month or so later it was back to the same BS.....

Lucky for me though, some mutual friends told me they saw her recently and she'd doubled in size heheheh (dodged a bullet on that one lol).......

Dodge a bullet or a tank?

 

[tboy]

i dunno about a tank, but at the very least, a dump truck lol.....

Bliss: to list what I would like in a woman would take too long, but suffice to say: why can't I have it all? The number one thing I'd like in a woman is someone who can think instead of react, doesn't use emotion as a weapon, knows herself well enough to deal with her own issues and not put them on me, and lastly, one who doesn't blame me for all the assholes she dated before me........oh yeah, and let's not forget that she shouldn't expect me to be a mind reader either lol.....

 

[-b]

Bliss: to list what I would like in a woman would take too long, but suffice to say: why can't I have it all? The number one thing I'd like in a woman is someone who can think instead of react, doesn't use emotion as a weapon, knows herself well enough to deal with her own issues and not put them on me, and lastly, one who doesn't blame me for all the assholes she dated before me........oh yeah, and let's not forget that she shouldn't expect me to be a mind reader either lol.....

I don't think anyone gets what their list has on it......
A couple grows with each other....the change can be good or bad....
I think reminders of how you both want the relationship to grow
is needed. A conversation every week or too about how you feel
or what is happening and I do not mean a screaming match and at the
end make Love even if it has not gone well......
But I think at times I was Utopia

 

[RAWD]

I don't think anyone gets what their list has on it......
A couple grows with each other....the change can be good or bad....
I think reminders of how you both want the relationship to grow
is needed. A conversation every week or too about how you feel
or what is happening and I do not mean a screaming match and at the
end make Love even if it has not gone well......
But I think at times I was Utopia

Excellent post.

If I think about what has gone horribly wrong in my most important relationships, it's communication. Knowing what the other needs/wants is crucial...level if you don't agree and it's a matter of manning up and saying no. A great relationship shouldn't be a guessing game. It should be about feeling safe and knowing where you're going.

As for your earlier question, I would want a supportive, encouraging, obedient (lol) woman. I find that great sex always comes with a great emotional attachment. Great sex is pointless if you fight like cats and dogs in between fucking. Why not just see great SPs and save yourself the grief?

 

[thesun]

This is rather interesting. You pointed out the failure of relationship relies on lack of communication. Yet I find that and speaking from experience and my conversations with other men, if we, men, communicate our feelings to women, many of them would consider us as less masculine. If we do everything what the women want, we are less masculine. It is a lose lose proposition for many men.

 

[RAWD]

This is rather interesting. You pointed out the failure of relationship relies on lack of communication. Yet I find that and speaking from experience and my conversations with other men, if we, men, communicate our feelings to women, many of them would consider us as less masculine. If we do everything what the women want, we are less masculine. It is a lose lose proposition for many men.

Fair point. Men often don't express themselves clearly and can come across as whiny or even bitchy. Lord knows I've been one of those guys. Putting yourself out there can be scary. But, as. I've gotten older, I think I've gotten more brave or less patient. I've no. Time for games. So, in love as in business, I've learned to put my cards on the table. I'll tell you what I want. If you don't like it, tell me. We can meet halfway, or not at all. Life is too short to fuck around. I'm also less interested in what other people, incl women, think of me. I know what I'm about, what I offer and what I bring to the table. If you prefer some Marlboro smokin', emotionally unavailable guy, who treats you like an amusement park, good on ya.My point is, and I think tboy makes the same above, just be yourself and know what will make you happy. Everything else is a distraction.

 

[-b]

This is rather interesting. You pointed out the failure of relationship relies on lack of communication. Yet I find that and speaking from experience and my conversations with other men, if we, men, communicate our feelings to women, many of them would consider us as less masculine. If we do everything what the women want, we are less masculine. It is a lose lose proposition for many men.

I see your point but a lot of women I talk to say men avoid a lot of issues or keep their feelings in...
I believe that when you are young that is the situation but the older you become it does not happen..
And men do become more emotional as they age.....
Women can say the same if we take control of a situation because we have more experiences dealing with it the man gets upset but if we sit back and let him deal with the situation then he gets angry....Communication is also known the each others strength and weakness to protect and help each other....The ones we are suppose to love....

Rawd I agree with your point I would love to have somebody that encourages, listens to me etc and know sex.......I can just either pay or find it ........So there is another question most people consider Sex as love in the relationship but to me they are different.....Sex happens......Love to me is communication and growing with each other.....

 

[tboy]

lol when women control the situation lol...now that's funny bliss.....yeah, women try to control EVERY situation regarding a man, if telling him doesn't work, they connive, and if that doesn't work they break out the tears and "if you loved me you'd do it" bs lol.......

I dunno about all men, but I've never had a problem communicating my feelings, the problem ALWAYS was, any woman I was involved with, couldn't handle it.....for eg: the greek chick, she waitressed in a sports bar. She'd request fridays and saturdays because those were big money nights for her....she'd tell me her schedule and there were times when we wouldn't have a weekend night for a month. I'd say to her: well, I understand why you want those nights, but with your family obligations and now work, we won't be able to see each other for a month...that upsets me. WELL get ready for WWIII because I was trying to control her and use emotional blackmail to do it....

Then another: she worked in the HR dept of a large corporation I worked at also. We had separate christmas parties. She invited me to hers, then as soon as dinner was over and the music started, off she went with all her work friends dancing, leaving all us "dates" alone at the table. I'm not talking for 2 songs, I'm talking for hours.....I finally gathered up all the dates, men and women alike, and went to the bar and we all hung out there, when she finally came looking for me I said something like "go back to your friends, you obviously don't want to spend the night with me, we're all enjoying ourselves here....then I corralled everyone and hit another christmas party going on in the same hall.....

At the end of the night in the cab I said to her "it really pissed me off that you took off for so long without me" "well, I didn't know I had to be glued to you all night" then I said "you don't have to be glued to me, but if you invite me out with you, you should at least spend SOME time with me"....again, emotional blackmail shit came up.

Then same woman, they were having a casual after work party, my dept had a christmas dinner that ended. One of the others said "well, I know hr is having this shin dig at such and such bar, let's go say hello"....so we did, they all were welcomed with open arms, I got blasted for invading her space. I simply said "well, heaven forbide I would like to have a drink with my gf......look, everyone else is welcome here...."......I told her "it pisses me off that you don't want to include me in your social life"......again, emotional blackmail came up yet again.....

Sorry, everytime I've expressed my feelings to a woman, negative feelings that is, I got slammed.......what I learned was that a guy should just bury his feelings, then if the negative feelings build up, just leave.......walk away because I know of NO woman who really wants to know what a guy's feeling...

Just for the record, I am referring to negative feelings. Every woman wants to know when you're happy, or in a good mood.......