Cardinal Fang's Advice Thread

[Madman]

Now, I'm horny!

 

[Cardinal Fang]

Dear Fang,
I desperately need your sage advice on a really important matter.
What color should I paint my nails this week?

That all depends on the colour of the surface you intent to put the nails in. Typically we recommend using a hammer then counter sink the nails before applying puddy and a coat of paint.

*Stares at Amy*

Red nails are hot. So are black.

Oh also another one....I have a contact in my phone labelled xxWhitePanties. There are over a dozen phone numbers saved under this contact name since the person will hound me with texts and voicemails every few months with multiple numbers at a time hoping for an answer to his question that he always ends up asking thus giving his identity away: "Will you wear white cotton panties for me?" I ignore him. He eventually goes away after a week or so. This last month however he has not left me alone. I am probably ignoring other people calling simply because they unfortunately called within minutes of his several numbers leaving me a voicemail. Normally, I'd change my number at this point but I'm tired of doing that. Do you think if I sent him a picture of my lil tushy wearing white satin panties, he'd resolve his desperation and go away?

Thanks,
Amy

Worst thing you can do is engage this guy. He wants attention any way he can get it and any contact with him will only embolden him. You should attempt to block his number at all costs and if necessary turn the numbers over to your cell phone company letting them know of the harassment you are facing. I unfortunately do not have the answer to this as my area of expertise is online porn and full contact macrame. I'm not sure this was of any help to you Amy but I'm sure others can chime in with suggestions.

I should however point out that satin panties have a low coefficient of friction compared to cotton panties. This makes sliding across them exceptionally fun and somewhat dangerous. Bring both this week and we will do an experiment Amy.

 

[Madman]

Worst thing you can do is engage this guy. He wants attention any way he can get it and any contact with him will only embolden him. You should attempt to block his number at all costs and if necessary turn the numbers over to your cell phone company letting them know of the harassment you are facing. I unfortunately do not have the answer to this as my area of expertise is online porn and full contact macrame. I'm not sure this was of any help to you Amy but I'm sure others can chime in with suggestions.

Kidding aside I totally agree with the quote above. You do not want to encourage him. Perhaps the next time he phones let a male buddy of yours answer the phone and embarrass him. He's more than likely a wuss when confronted by a male.

 

[RAWD]

Fang, i just woke up. Should I away in bed or haul ass to work?

 

[Cardinal Fang]

RAWD

Good morning! Haul your bed to work would be my inclination.

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Red it is!

Ill continue to iggy him. I'm bringing a pair of white satin ones this week, Fang, but the only cotton panties I own are bright spandex.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

I got wood.

 

[RAWD]

I got my bed into my office. My flirty secretary and the hot young intern decided it would be fun to have our Monday morning team meeting in my office, on my bed. They've stripped down to their undies (intern is not wearing a bra). They're just staring at me now. What should I do?

 

[Wanker]

Dr. Fang.

Should I slap the monkey before or after lunch?.

 

[Swagger]

Cardinal Fang. BB or Iphone?

Which one to buy.

 

[Linda]

Is this the site's confessional box?? I don't see the little window thingy nor do I see a silhouette of a head on the other side where one confesses their past sins.

The one question that has crossed my mind on occasion is, what do most priests, cardinals wear underneath their cassock.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

I got my bed into my office. My flirty secretary and the hot young intern decided it would be fun to have our Monday morning team meeting in my office, on my bed. They've stripped down to their undies (intern is not wearing a bra). They're just staring at me now. What should I do?

Stare back. Don't blink because they can smell fear.

Dr. Fang.

Should I slap the monkey before or after lunch?.

What sense of perverted pleasure do you guys find in antagonizing one of God's creatures? And yes....I understood fully what you're talking about and my point still stands.

Is this the site's confessional box?? I don't see the little window thingy nor do I see a silhouette of a head on the other side where one confesses their past sins..

The actually confessional box is under my robe and the silhouette of the head staring back may seem odd but just go with it.

The one question that has crossed my mind on occasion is, what do most priests, cardinals wear underneath their cassock.

Not sure what the other guys do but I've got a bar fridge and a comfy chair for my one-eyed wonder-weasel.

Cardinal Fang. BB or Iphone?

Which one to buy.

iphone. Far more porn apps to pick from.

 

[Linda]

"OMG":blush2: Cardinal is the Pope aware of your one-eyed wonder-weasel?

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

Porn apps?

 

[Cardinal Fang]

"OMG":blush2: Cardinal is the Pope aware of your one-eyed wonder-weasel?

Hope not. I have caught him having a look around the room when we were all in the shower from our weekly full contact macrome game. But I never thought anything of it.

Porn apps?

It was bound to happen Amy.
https://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2009/06/porn-comes-to-the-itunes-app-store/

 

[Bill The Pirate]

The interior of fang's confessional box was designed by Rodney Dangerfield


Dear Cardinell

If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and the right side of the brain controls the left side.... why is it at 50 I'm still getting morning wood?

 

[Cardinal Fang]

The interior of fang's confessional box was designed by Rodney Dangerfield


Dear Cardinell

If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and the right side of the brain controls the left side.... why is it at 50 I'm still getting morning wood?

Morning wood or Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) is the spontaneous occurrence of an erection of the penis during sleep or when waking up. All men without physiological erectile dysfunction experience this phenomenon, usually three to five times during the night. It typically happens during REM sleep. Many people are not aware of the fact that erections do not just serve sexual purposes; they also are a source of increased blood supply to the penis, so the male body will have several erections at night, just to keep the penis healthy.


Hehehehehe.....I said penis. :biggrin2:

​

 

[BEER]

I noticed you don't work Saturdays. Who were you looking for advice that day?.

 

[Cardinal Fang]

I noticed you don't work Saturdays. Who were you looking for advice that day?.

You may think this is strange but I always thing about what God would do. Then I discount it. Then I think about what Madman would do. Then ignore it completely. Then I think about what would Satan do and dial it back about five and I have my solution.

 

[Wanker]

Fang, Visa or American express.


Which one stays at home?