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The Accountant
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads: Dear Wife (that's what he called her). I am now 54 and I have decided to leave you. By the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. Your husband.
When he checked in at the hotel, the Concierge made him aware that an important letter had arrived for him by courier. It had been placed on the table in his room. All the way up in the elevator, he wondered what it could be about... He entered his room, and immediately reached for the letter. Opening it, he read: Dear Husband (that's what his wife called him). I too am now 54, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year ol boy toy. I
thought I should point out - you being an accountant and all - that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18....Your wife.
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads: Dear Wife (that's what he called her). I am now 54 and I have decided to leave you. By the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. Your husband.
When he checked in at the hotel, the Concierge made him aware that an important letter had arrived for him by courier. It had been placed on the table in his room. All the way up in the elevator, he wondered what it could be about... He entered his room, and immediately reached for the letter. Opening it, he read: Dear Husband (that's what his wife called him). I too am now 54, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year ol boy toy. I
thought I should point out - you being an accountant and all - that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18....Your wife.
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Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
Men keep scrolling****.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: women never listen.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
Men keep scrolling****.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: women never listen.
A man showed up at an Auckland hospital emergency room last week with an unusual dilemma — an eel was stuck in his bottom.The patient informed staff at Auckland City Hospital of his problem and X-rays confirmed his story.
"The eel was about the size of a sprig of asparagus and the incident is the talk of the place," a hospital source told the New Zealand Herald."Doctors and nurses have come across people with strange objects that they have got stuck where they shouldn't be before, but an eel has to be a first.
"It is unclear how the eel became stuck inside the man but it is believed it was successfully removed.Auckland District Health Board spokesman Matt Rogers confirmed the incident had occurred."We can confirm that an adult male presented at Auckland City Hospital this week with an eel inside him," he said.
"The eel was about the size of a sprig of asparagus and the incident is the talk of the place," a hospital source told the New Zealand Herald."Doctors and nurses have come across people with strange objects that they have got stuck where they shouldn't be before, but an eel has to be a first.
"It is unclear how the eel became stuck inside the man but it is believed it was successfully removed.Auckland District Health Board spokesman Matt Rogers confirmed the incident had occurred."We can confirm that an adult male presented at Auckland City Hospital this week with an eel inside him," he said.
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A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas ) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.
In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."
Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have, here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."
In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."
Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have, here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."
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Jesus Quintana
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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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