Ask bobistheowl!

[bobistheowl]

Cool! Do you by any miraculous chance have a copy of the episodes from the 1997 tv series Nothing Sacred?

You have good taste, IfYouSeekAmy. I don't have that Nothing Sacred, the ABC show about a priest; I only have the 1979 film by that name, starring Cicciolina and Ron Jeremy, but it's on Betamax tape, so it pretty much can't be played anymore. I think that was her first triple penetration film, but not his, of course!

I draw attention to the word film because it was one of the last porn movies actual shot on film, rather than on video tape. There's like six or seven scenes where you can see someone from the production crew reflected in a mirror, or part of a microphone at the top of the frame. There's even one spot where the guy with the 'clap board', (or what ever it's called, the 'Act 1, Take 4, clap!' guy), appears for two frames. It took me about ten attempts to freeze the picture on one of those two frames, because with the Betamax, there was, like a two or three second time lag between when you pressed the pause and when the machine reacted. I had to take a Polaroid photo of the TV screen to win the bet, because the pause button on the betamax only worked for about two minutes, otherwise the tape would start to burn. That's why they went out of business. That lawsuit by the guy who fell asleep with his betamax pause button on, and his trailer burned down. You don't look old enough to remember when that happened.

That series would be really hard to find. It's not on DVD or Blue Ray, and only 15 of the 20 episodes were even broadcast. After the first few shows, they buried it on Saturday night, where networks today usually just reboadcast some of their M-F shows, or college football.

There aren't enough episodes for an 'upper tier' cable station to be interested in airing Nothing Sacred again, particularly because the content is offensive to many of the customers of the companies that advertise on the station's other shows.

Sometimes shows like this are released by Shout!Factory. They release 'niche market' TV series fairly regularly. I check there every so often to see if they have Bakersfield P.D.. I found a site that claimed to have the show on DVD, but I looked into the IP of the site, and I don't think anyone in Cambodia has even seen the show, let alone recorded it, or ripped it, digitally, ('Rip' is a term used by digital video creators to denote a video sourced from a DVD or video cassette etc.). In all cases, the digital video is created from a 'hard' copy. If someone makes digital video from a live broadcast, he's known as a capper, as opposed to a ripper. Cappers often rip, as well, but usually only from store-bought DVD or Blue Ray. Rippers rarely cap. Anyway, I thought the guys from Cambodia were trying to rip people off, so I didn't buy it. If they're legit, someone else will buy it and rip it.

For Nothing Sacred to surface, there would need to be someone who taped each show on VHS when it was broadcast, and didn't tape over them, and kept the tapes, and had them converted to digital. It's more likely that they would show up from somebody who worked for ABC, and stole or borrowed the tapes, to make them digital. In either case, they would be most likely to surface on YouTube than on a torrent site, because torrented video collectors today tend to be more concerned with the technical quality of the video specifications, (audio and video bitrate, frame size, etc), than they are with the content of the video.

I do have The Boys of St. Vincent, (the telefilm, as well as the 'theatrical' film, which, coincidentally, also starred Cicciolina and Ron Jeremy, and reused many of the same costumes and sets from Nothing Sacred), and The Dirty Vicar Sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus, but most of my religious themed video is comedy or documentary. Sorry!

 

[bobistheowl]

Quit rubbing it in, Dan. :biggrin2:

Dan: I paid for the full hour this time. I'm almost done.

 

[bobistheowl]

I want to know how much real rubbing Dan managed to accomplish with Mel?

Mel, is Dan allowed to review??:biggrin2:

BobOwl, how do you feel about civvie reviews hijacking your thread?

I want to know how much real rubbing Dan managed to accomplish with Mel?

Ask one of Melanie's girlfriends. If you ask him, he'll exaggerate. If you ask her, she'll change the subject. If you meant Mel Lastman, however, I can give you a good deal on the pictures. They're not as valuable as they were when he was mayor, but that's one tattoo I would pay to see.

Mel, is Dan allowed to review??:biggrin2:

I'm still new here. I can't be expected to know that they're married. I just naturally assumed he was out of her league, based on the way he dances.


BobOwl, how do you feel about civvie reviews hijacking your thread?

Umm... Her name is spelled Civé RéVuz, and she's one of my favorite Penthouse Pets. In my opinion, she should never have gone for the implants. She had a good five years left before she would fail the pencil test, seven or eight, if she started wearing a bra in public. More's the pity.

I think I'd probably let her, for a page or so.

 

[bobistheowl]

Q: bob, what tips can you give me, to help me pick up civvie chicks, and don't reuse that bit about lifting them off the ground. I want a straight answer, with no sarcasm. - Leon, Penetanguisine

And you would have gotten one, Leon, if you had added a question mark. Dumbass.

Q: bobistheowl, I don't understand a lot of your jokes, but I laugh anyway, because other people are laughing, like with a comedy show on CBS. Could you explain them to me? - DeeDee DD, Las Vegas

I get that a lot, DeeDee. What you should do is click the reply with quote button for the post containing the question, right-click, select the text of the question, right-click again, select copy from the menu, then click the reply with quote button for my answer. Put the cursor at the top of the reply window for my answer, hit the enter key once, then put the cursor back at the start of the blank line above my reply, then paste the question that you copied earlier. After that, move the cursor to below the answer, and type a question mark, then click the 'post reply', or 'post quick reply' button.

If you can't follow these instructions, any man will be willing to help you, if you are, indeed, DD. If you need help typing a question mark, Then do nothing. You won't understand the jokes, even if I explain them. Just laugh when other people are laughing, and no one will suspect that you're a bottle brunette.

 

[FUKUMAN]

Q: bob, what tips can you give me, to help me pick up civvie chicks, and don't reuse that bit about lifting them off the ground. I want a straight answer, with no sarcasm. - Leon, Penetanguisine

And you would have gotten one, Leon, if you had added a question mark. Dumbass.

Q: bobistheowl, I don't understand a lot of your jokes, but I laugh anyway, because other people are laughing, like with a comedy show on CBS. Could you explain them to me? - DeeDee DD, Las Vegas

I get that a lot, DeeDee. What you should do is click the reply with quote button for the post containing the question, right-click, select the text of the question, right-click again, select copy from the menu, then click the reply with quote button for my answer. Put the cursor at the top of the reply window for my answer, hit the enter key once, then put the cursor back at the start of the blank line above my reply, then paste the question that you copied earlier. After that, move the cursor to below the answer, and type a question mark, then click the 'post reply', or 'post quick reply' button.

If you can't follow these instructions, any man will be willing to help you, if you are, indeed, DD. If you need help typing a question mark, Then do nothing. You won't understand the jokes, even if I explain them. Just laugh when other people are laughing, and no one will suspect that you're a bottle brunette.

You are one strange pupil :-Cool/"

 

[HOOKED]

You are one strange pupil :-Cool/"

This is NOT the bad grammar thread! Bobistheowl, do you have any idea where Papasmerf keeps the key to his pot of gold?

 

[bobistheowl]

This is NOT the bad grammar thread! Bobistheowl, do you have any idea where Papasmerf keeps the key to his pot of gold?

Why would anyone need a key to a pot? Why not just lift a lid?

Coincidentally, if your question had been "Do you have any idea where Papasmerf, (sic), keeps his key of gold pot, My answer would also have been "Why not just lift a lid?". That would make a hippie laugh. I would have added italic formatting for 'lift' and 'lid', but few would have noticed.

On to the mailbag:

Q: bob, what other boards do you post on? I want to read ALL of your wit and wisdom. - Barry, Barrie

Barry, these days I'm posting a lot on M.Net. It's a forum about Mr. Clean kitchen and bathroom products, in French. You must have heard of it; they advertise the site right on the bottle, in text as large as "Mr. Clean".

btw, there's a doctor in the house, who can probably cure your beriberi. You must get that one a lot.

bob, What is best in life? - G. Khan, Hyperboria

"Crush your enemies! See them driven before you! Hear the lamentations of their women!" Duh.

I don't get it?
?
-Don, Calgary

Don, if you were getting it, you'd be in the review section, bragging to the boys.

Question and answer #2 are dialogue from the 1982 film Conan the Barbarian, with Arnold Schwartzenegger. Near the beginning, a guy who looks like Genghis Khan asks one guy "What is best in life?" and the guy gives a pussy answer, then he asks Conan, who says "Crush your enemies! See them driven before you! Hear the lamentations of their women!" There was even a musical version of that scene in an episode of Robot Chicken. I think Arnold still says Duh a lot, but he means door.

Hyperboria is a country in the Hyborean Age, in which the Conan the Barbarian movies, books and comic books take place. Back then, a guy could wear a fur loincloth and go commando underneath, and no one would say he was gay, and if they did, he could just cut the guy's head off, and get away with it, because they hadn't invented cops yet.

The Genghis Khan guy in the movie looks like he may have been from Hyrkania or Kitai, rather than from Hyperboria, so that may have thrown a few people off.

Q: bob, what would you do if the government made it illegal to discriminate against prospective sexual partners, based on their appearance? - Keith, Hamilton

A: I'd just pay the fine.

Q: bobistheowl, what would you do if had a trillion dollars? - B. Gates

A: I would invest most of it in space ship designs, ultra fast engines, and state of the art telescopes. Then I'd have my team of astronomers find an exoplanet capable of comfortably supporting human life. Then I'd send my spaceship to the planet, and claim it first;the law for discovery has always been "finders, keepers", so I'd own a whole planet. Then I'd sell 80% interest in the planet to some rich Mormon who wanted to be God of his own planet, for two trillion dollars. Then I'd have my trillion dollars back, and I'd have one to party with, too. The 20% of the planet that I still owned would be the only place there where you could get coffee, cigarettes, liquor, and premarital sex, so I would get like, 99% of the tourist money as well.

Q: Hi, Mr. istheowl. I have a girl friend who is horny. She's a bit larger than she'd like to be, and, well, she looks kind of like her Dad, but she's really nice. What tips could you give her, to get a man? She's allergic to dairy, by the way - HFC, Finance, Co.

A: HFC, the first thing you, I mean, she should do is make a free account on an escort review forum, like this one. She should put "_xo" after her nickname, so guys will assume she's an Escort. Next she should find a sexy photo somewhere on the Internet, and crop it to 125 x 125 maximum height and width, in pixels, for her avatar. Remember, there's no rule that says the picture in the avatar has to be the same person doing the posting. If the avatar looks hot, the guys here will just assume that it's you, I mean her. They're kind of dumb, that way.

She should then spend about fifteen minutes reading about hockey and/ or NFL football on a couple of sports sites, then copy/ paste a few quotes of what other guys said, and change the wording slightly, so no one suspects plagiarism. She should then make a post or two in the Sports section, before moving on to The Lobby to flirt in whatever threads have the most recent activity - some guys posting on phones while taking a dump don't want to bother scrolling down to other threads, they just post anything, anywhere, like it was a chat room. Look for opportunities where a sexually provocative reply to the previous post might apply.

Keep track of everyone who views your profile, and look at their posting histories. If they have more than 1,000 total posts for each review, this is your, her I mean, target market. Aim most of her flirting at these guys, but keep checking the profile page for more candidates; don't just concentrate on the first few dozen. Read a few posts from each prospect, to determine which are 'spongeworthy', and from that list, look for guys who seem to be nice, but still a little pathetic. Flirt a bit by private message with some of them. Don't lie about her appearance, but withhold as much of the truth as she can. Arrange to meet one of them in a public place. He'll probably be no prince himself, and since he won't be used to getting it free, he probably won't bolt. If he does, try the next name on her list. If people stop answering PMs, get a new account, a new nickname, a new avatar, and start again. Some guys here have never had it for free, so at least one of them will be willing to knock boots. If you show some enthusiasm, she might even be described as a 'girl next door', ('GND'), which, these days, would not be entirely inaccurate. If she gets that far, you won't need any more help from me.

Q: Would that work on you?

A: No, I'd see through it, but other guys here wouldn't. Good luck!

PS: It ain't bait and switch, if she doesn't charge!

 

[Madman]

Sir, you are a Madman!

 

[papasmerf]

Bob,

I have a tenant that when he takes his meds he is a decent fellow. But as with many delusional people he does occasionally go off his meds. When that happens he has delusions of grandeur. He is convinced he owns all he surveys. Which makes the other tenants uncomfortable.

Is there anyway we can see this coming and get him back on his drugs before it disrupts another breakfast???

 

[bobistheowl]

Bob,

I have a tenant that when he takes his meds he is a decent fellow. But as with many delusional people he does occasionally go off his meds. When that happens he has delusions of grandeur. He is convinced he owns all he surveys. Which makes the other tenants uncomfortable.

Is there anyway we can see this coming and get him back on his drugs before it disrupts another breakfast???

Oh yeah? Well, I oughta watch out, pal, because you know where I live!

Seriously, no one informed me that you are the owner, sir. I just looked at the colour of the text of your handle, and since it was the same as mine, I assumed we were on par.

Yes, I realize that it was inappropriate for him to mention the 'Mr Clean' forum by name. I understand that this is our final warning, sir. We'll talk to the guy who writes the column on Wednesdays and weekends, and try to get him to tone it down. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Good bye, sir. And if I may add, that's a very attractive Sailor Suit you're wearing, sir. That's why I used Navy for the text colour, sir.

 

[papasmerf]

Oh yeah? Well, I oughta watch out, pal, because you know where I live!

Seriously, no one informed me that you are the owner, sir. I just looked at the colour of the text of your handle, and since it was the same as mine, I assumed we were on par.

Yes, I realize that it was inappropriate for him to mention the 'Mr Clean' forum by name. I understand that this is our final warning, sir. We'll talk to the guy who writes the column on Wednesdays and weekends, and try to get him to tone it down. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Good bye, sir. And if I may add, that's a very attractive Sailor Suit you're wearing, sir. That's why I used Navy for the text colour, sir.

Actually Bob, this is your thread not mine.

The tenant I refer to resides in the thread owned by Smef Llc.

 

[bobistheowl]

Actually Bob, this is your thread not mine.

The tenant I refer to resides in the thread owned by Smef Llc.

Sorry! We just naturally assumed you were talking about us, discretely.

 

[The cute one]

Bob,

The Blue Guy an Mad Man will often post some not so cryptic comment or question about the other one all over the place.

Both have a healthy respect for each other and other posters on this board.

 

[papasmerf]

Sorry! We just naturally assumed you were talking about us, discretely.

You will get used to us and our humor or lack in there of.

 

[Art Mann]

But if you can't get used to a bacon hijack, bito, you'll never survive here.

 

[bobistheowl]

Bob,

The Blue Guy an Mad Man will often post some not so cryptic comment or question about the other one all over the place.

Both have a healthy respect for each other and other posters on this board.

Just messing with him, Ma'am.

 

[bobistheowl]

Sir, you are a Madman!

It takes one to know one.

See? I can say that to you, and it's a compliment, but someone else might take offense on your behalf, and I get disciplined for things I only sort of did. I get that a lot.

On the same subject, but on a different tangent, "It takes one to know one" could also be used to describe a same sex congress, if one interprets the word "know" in the Biblical or Shakespearean sense. Just sayin'.

 

[User-E]

Just messing with him, Ma'am.

I had to study the characters on this board very carefully for months before I finally figured out what's going on around here. Especially the breakfast thing in the Naked Poster Counter Bumper thread ... had me very confused.

:wink2:

 

[bobistheowl]

I had to study the characters on this board very carefully for months before I finally figured out what's going on around here. Especially the breakfast thing in the Naked Poster Counter Bumper thread ... had me very confused.

:wink2:

Oh, I thought that breakfast thing was real. I didn't realize it was just a chat thread. I just naturally scroll past any thread marked as "Sticky", because I don't like that stuff on my hands.

 

[User-E]

Oh, I thought that breakfast thing was real. I didn't realize it was just a chat thread. I just naturally scroll past any thread marked as "Sticky", because I don't like that stuff on my hands.

I used to think that papasmerf was a foodie who posted pics of whatever he was having for breakfast online every day. :biggrin2:

I also couldn't figure out the many weird references members used between each other.

Then one day I saw the LIGHT bob!! :yahoo:

Whenever I join a new forum, the first thing I do is turn off all sigs, avatars and images, because I want to be able to quickly scan the pages while I read. The day I turned those options back ON, was the day my world finally started to make sense again.

:biggrin2: