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Which led me to a really sweet image of a huge silverback cuddling and kissing the female he just mated with.
bobistheowl
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Q: bob, how can an average guy, of modest means, get some civvie tail, without using up all of his party money? - All of them, HUBGFE
What's really simple. It's a four step process.
1) Learn how to dance: If you're out in public, you're judging women you don't know by how they look, how they're dressed, and by their level of intoxication, just like every guy. You can't have a conversation anywhere where there's music playing, because the music is too loud for that. It's intentional; if people could talk to each other, they would buy fewer drinks. The ladies, on the other hand, will be judging you by how you're groomed, and how you dance. Most guys fuck just about as well as they dance, good or bad, and good grooming tends to indicate good hygiene, so if she's just looking for a piece herself, that's the sort of things she'll notice, and if she can smell you from across the room, you've already been ruled out, even if you smell good. You show me a guy who has to pay for it, (as opposed to one who chooses variety), and I'll show you a guy who can't dance. The other guy knows how to dance; he just likes multiple partners.
2) It's all in the fingertips: If you get to the sit down conversation stage, you can tell if you ever have any chance of getting any by how they react to a light touch, with intent, such as moving some of their hair away from their eyes, or simply touching the back of their hand. If they recoil, or go for the pepper spray, you either acted too soon, or you peaked at the last chapter. It ain't gonna happen, ever, so best to concede defeat, and begin to show disinterest, before looking to bow out with some dignity. Done pine for what you ain't gonna get, it wastes your time and resources, and hers. Try again with someone else.
If she is responsive to your light touches, interpret that as a sign of preliminary interest, but don't get too cocky, just jet. You've just made the first cut, but you ain't played a down of game yet. Don't be in too much of a hurry. The more you push the pace, the more she thinks you're in a hurry to tell the boys all about her. Whatever you could do this time, you can do next time, plus a little more, if you weren't a total dick. Women expect men to be a bit of a dick. If they aren't at all, they get suspicious. If you're too much of a dick, they figure you're worse than this most of the time, and you can only be on your good behavior for so long. Wait them out, but not too long, or you'll get friend zoned. A woman will indicate her level of interest through visible perspiration.
3) Enjoy your vices in moderation, but this applies most to self abuse. When you use your hand too much, you lose the perspective; you come to only want what you don't think you deserve, 'cause you've always got the fall back position. Leave it alone for a while. If you have to, tie a plastic bag around your 'go to' hand while in the privacy of your own home, or wear one of those fake casts on your arm; they'll be going on sale next week. If you must, use your 'off hand', or the 'go to' hand with the bag or cast on it, and you'll get the job done, but you won't enjoy it half as much. Challenge yourself! Put ten bucks in a jar for every day you can hold out. If that's only ten days or so, check backpages for what you can get for a C Note, and that should give you a second wind.
If you can go most of a month, you will have enough saved to buy an hour with a top provider, in which case, you should look for the MSOG abbreviation in her menu, as you'll probably pop the first one quickly, unless you know the technique. This is assuming that you want to work your way up to a healthy relationship in steps, otherwise you can test the waters with your two hundred and fifty bucks, enough for the two or three dates it would take most civvie women who are in to you to put out. You would be surprised at how good many of those ladies you've so casually dismissed will look to you, when you ain't busted a nut in a month. It's like beer goggles, only sober, or gettin' out after doin' some 'soft time', for white collar.
Get fit: You don't want a fattie, and neither does she. Find an hour, everyday, to walk. In warm weather months try to do this near sundown, or in the morning, when it ain't too hot, but do it year round. You'll actually lose weight faster walking in the winter, because the extra clothing will make you sweat more, and you'll use more calories just maintaining your body temperature. The faster you walk, the less you'll need to wear. It's just like with women; lose weight in winter, maintain it in summer, only you don't have to gain all of it back in the pre holiday season.
Q: Wow, where did you learn all that?
A: Back in the day, it was posted on every desk, in every office.
Q: Where? I've worked in a cubicle for decades, and I've never seen that before.
A: Ain't you never read the instructions on the bottle of liquid paper?
Shake Well. Touch On. Apply Sparingly. Thin with Liquid Paper (TM) Thinner. What did you think they meant? Did none of youse pay attention to nothin'? Plus, you could get a decent buzz, if you sniffed the bottle, without shakin' it first.
What's really simple. It's a four step process.
1) Learn how to dance: If you're out in public, you're judging women you don't know by how they look, how they're dressed, and by their level of intoxication, just like every guy. You can't have a conversation anywhere where there's music playing, because the music is too loud for that. It's intentional; if people could talk to each other, they would buy fewer drinks. The ladies, on the other hand, will be judging you by how you're groomed, and how you dance. Most guys fuck just about as well as they dance, good or bad, and good grooming tends to indicate good hygiene, so if she's just looking for a piece herself, that's the sort of things she'll notice, and if she can smell you from across the room, you've already been ruled out, even if you smell good. You show me a guy who has to pay for it, (as opposed to one who chooses variety), and I'll show you a guy who can't dance. The other guy knows how to dance; he just likes multiple partners.
2) It's all in the fingertips: If you get to the sit down conversation stage, you can tell if you ever have any chance of getting any by how they react to a light touch, with intent, such as moving some of their hair away from their eyes, or simply touching the back of their hand. If they recoil, or go for the pepper spray, you either acted too soon, or you peaked at the last chapter. It ain't gonna happen, ever, so best to concede defeat, and begin to show disinterest, before looking to bow out with some dignity. Done pine for what you ain't gonna get, it wastes your time and resources, and hers. Try again with someone else.
If she is responsive to your light touches, interpret that as a sign of preliminary interest, but don't get too cocky, just jet. You've just made the first cut, but you ain't played a down of game yet. Don't be in too much of a hurry. The more you push the pace, the more she thinks you're in a hurry to tell the boys all about her. Whatever you could do this time, you can do next time, plus a little more, if you weren't a total dick. Women expect men to be a bit of a dick. If they aren't at all, they get suspicious. If you're too much of a dick, they figure you're worse than this most of the time, and you can only be on your good behavior for so long. Wait them out, but not too long, or you'll get friend zoned. A woman will indicate her level of interest through visible perspiration.
3) Enjoy your vices in moderation, but this applies most to self abuse. When you use your hand too much, you lose the perspective; you come to only want what you don't think you deserve, 'cause you've always got the fall back position. Leave it alone for a while. If you have to, tie a plastic bag around your 'go to' hand while in the privacy of your own home, or wear one of those fake casts on your arm; they'll be going on sale next week. If you must, use your 'off hand', or the 'go to' hand with the bag or cast on it, and you'll get the job done, but you won't enjoy it half as much. Challenge yourself! Put ten bucks in a jar for every day you can hold out. If that's only ten days or so, check backpages for what you can get for a C Note, and that should give you a second wind.
If you can go most of a month, you will have enough saved to buy an hour with a top provider, in which case, you should look for the MSOG abbreviation in her menu, as you'll probably pop the first one quickly, unless you know the technique. This is assuming that you want to work your way up to a healthy relationship in steps, otherwise you can test the waters with your two hundred and fifty bucks, enough for the two or three dates it would take most civvie women who are in to you to put out. You would be surprised at how good many of those ladies you've so casually dismissed will look to you, when you ain't busted a nut in a month. It's like beer goggles, only sober, or gettin' out after doin' some 'soft time', for white collar.
Get fit: You don't want a fattie, and neither does she. Find an hour, everyday, to walk. In warm weather months try to do this near sundown, or in the morning, when it ain't too hot, but do it year round. You'll actually lose weight faster walking in the winter, because the extra clothing will make you sweat more, and you'll use more calories just maintaining your body temperature. The faster you walk, the less you'll need to wear. It's just like with women; lose weight in winter, maintain it in summer, only you don't have to gain all of it back in the pre holiday season.
Q: Wow, where did you learn all that?
A: Back in the day, it was posted on every desk, in every office.
Q: Where? I've worked in a cubicle for decades, and I've never seen that before.
A: Ain't you never read the instructions on the bottle of liquid paper?
Shake Well. Touch On. Apply Sparingly. Thin with Liquid Paper (TM) Thinner. What did you think they meant? Did none of youse pay attention to nothin'? Plus, you could get a decent buzz, if you sniffed the bottle, without shakin' it first.
oldguyzer
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Offhand, I'd say you are. You're the one being "punked", just not realizing it. :biggrin2:
Try not to take everything (including yourself) so seriously...you'll get along with everyone here a lot better if you calm down a wee bit.
R
Robintheboywonder
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What do you guys mean none of this is real?? You mean I don't have a batcave to hang out in? What about my bat flesh light, I know that's real??
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bobistheowl's fleshlight
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bobistheowl
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I'm sorry, I don't speak .Gif.
Thanks to Brooklyn Mob Illuminati bob, for doing the weekend shift.
Q: bob, how much do you think Brooklyn Mob Illuminati bob lost betting on the Bills-Jets game yesterday? I took his advice, and bet my life savings on the Jets, thinking the game was a lock. -Anxious, address withheld:
A: He didn't lose anything. He cleaned up. He placed a few modest wagers on the Jets, then sold those wagers to other people, and used the money they gave him to bet on the Bills. Brooklyn Mob Illuminati bob would never be so stupid as to wager any of his own money. And only an idiot would bet on this years' Jets for any reason. They want that kid from Nebraska, at any cost.
Most of the people here could retire just on the vig BMIb's going to get. People who believe everything they're told are his target market.
bobistheowl
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I'll leave this one in his mail bag, for the next time he stops in, and in the meantime, don't wager on 286 today. It can't win.
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Guido
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Humor Robin Bob, he's a terror once a month. It's the hormone imbalance and he becomes a little bitch. :rofl!:
bobistheowl
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Q: bob, is Brooklyn Mob Illuminati Bob the toughest guy you know? - Le Chat de Plafond, Partout
A: No, I'd go with Taylor Swift. It's a good thing for us that he defected.
Q: Why did the Chechnyan 'cross the Iron Curtain'?
A: To get to the other side. Duh.
Q: What can you tell us about BMIb?
A: He was a boxer in his 20's, compiling a record of 29 wins and four loses, (all of which were by knockout), but he could have won all of them, if he'd wanted to, if you are astute. Then he was a beat cop for a few years, during which he met many of his life long business associates, on both sides. In the Sixties, while still a cop, he had a children's show on WPIX, New York, on Saturday mornings at 6:00 AM, when no parents were awake. It was called Bob the Bull, both because he was a cop from Monday to Friday, and because his stories were only basically true.
I have been instructed to inform you that Bob the Bull is in no way to be associated with the late Bob Buhl, (pronounced 'Bee-Yule'), the Major League Baseball pitcher who compiled a record of 166-132 with career ERA of 3.55 in fifteen seasons, (1953-67), with three National League clubs. Buhl was part of the 1966 trade that sent Ferguson Jenkins, the only Canadian to be both a member of the Baseball Hall of Fame and a former member of the Harlem Globetrotters, from the Philadelphia Phillies to the Chicago Cubs.
Portions of the Bob the Bull show also aired on WGN Chicago's Bozo the Clown show, and also on The Commander Tom Show out of Buffalo, on channel 7. Remember that show? "Happy 4th birthday to Timmy Klostnowski of Cheektowaga, your present is in the dryer'. Anyway, in those days, most cops worked a second job nights or weekends, to make their nut, and people had bigger families back then. Bozo is also a colloquial vulgarism for the prostitute in Georgian language.
So for a couple of years, Brooklyn Mob Illuminati Bob did the Bob the Bull show, until some stupid kid let his parents watch. The parent dropped a dime, and the show was pulled, and that kid had to explain himself after school one day, but that's another story.
I just naturally assumed that everyone here was familiar with Bob the Bull. It's hard to understand some of the things he said on his weekend shift if you don't have that pop culture memory.
Fortunately, I was able to find one of the original Bob the Bull cartoons at an auction, and I ripped the 8 MM film to digital video, for your viewing pleasure. Keep in mind that Bob the Bull, in this film, had already retired from boxing, but he was trying to save a bit of money, to with some hooker named .
Direct link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPbibIoCm9k
Q: bobistheowl, why do you use so much formatting in your posts? - T. Cruise, Hollywood
A: Some of the bold or bold italic text hides hyperlinks to sites that would get me banned, if the moderators knew I had posted them. A few link to innocuous sites like Wikipedia, and the rest are just text, with formatting. If you click on all of the bold or bold italic text in all of my posts, you might find some of these hidden links. There are no hidden links concealed by italicized text, (unless it is also bold), nor are any links embedded within un formatted words, except a couple of times in this particular post.
A: No, I'd go with Taylor Swift. It's a good thing for us that he defected.
Q: Why did the Chechnyan 'cross the Iron Curtain'?
A: To get to the other side. Duh.
Q: What can you tell us about BMIb?
A: He was a boxer in his 20's, compiling a record of 29 wins and four loses, (all of which were by knockout), but he could have won all of them, if he'd wanted to, if you are astute. Then he was a beat cop for a few years, during which he met many of his life long business associates, on both sides. In the Sixties, while still a cop, he had a children's show on WPIX, New York, on Saturday mornings at 6:00 AM, when no parents were awake. It was called Bob the Bull, both because he was a cop from Monday to Friday, and because his stories were only basically true.
I have been instructed to inform you that Bob the Bull is in no way to be associated with the late Bob Buhl, (pronounced 'Bee-Yule'), the Major League Baseball pitcher who compiled a record of 166-132 with career ERA of 3.55 in fifteen seasons, (1953-67), with three National League clubs. Buhl was part of the 1966 trade that sent Ferguson Jenkins, the only Canadian to be both a member of the Baseball Hall of Fame and a former member of the Harlem Globetrotters, from the Philadelphia Phillies to the Chicago Cubs.
Portions of the Bob the Bull show also aired on WGN Chicago's Bozo the Clown show, and also on The Commander Tom Show out of Buffalo, on channel 7. Remember that show? "Happy 4th birthday to Timmy Klostnowski of Cheektowaga, your present is in the dryer'. Anyway, in those days, most cops worked a second job nights or weekends, to make their nut, and people had bigger families back then. Bozo is also a colloquial vulgarism for the prostitute in Georgian language.
So for a couple of years, Brooklyn Mob Illuminati Bob did the Bob the Bull show, until some stupid kid let his parents watch. The parent dropped a dime, and the show was pulled, and that kid had to explain himself after school one day, but that's another story.
I just naturally assumed that everyone here was familiar with Bob the Bull. It's hard to understand some of the things he said on his weekend shift if you don't have that pop culture memory.
Fortunately, I was able to find one of the original Bob the Bull cartoons at an auction, and I ripped the 8 MM film to digital video, for your viewing pleasure. Keep in mind that Bob the Bull, in this film, had already retired from boxing, but he was trying to save a bit of money, to with some hooker named .
Direct link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPbibIoCm9k
Q: bobistheowl, why do you use so much formatting in your posts? - T. Cruise, Hollywood
A: Some of the bold or bold italic text hides hyperlinks to sites that would get me banned, if the moderators knew I had posted them. A few link to innocuous sites like Wikipedia, and the rest are just text, with formatting. If you click on all of the bold or bold italic text in all of my posts, you might find some of these hidden links. There are no hidden links concealed by italicized text, (unless it is also bold), nor are any links embedded within un formatted words, except a couple of times in this particular post.
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Dominus
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Do you really think the Mods on this board are that stupid, Bob?
bobistheowl
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No, of course not. None of the mods on this board are stupid enough to ban bobistheowl. On other boards, however, the opposite is true.
The cute one
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Sorry, I should have asked the question in this thread rather than further hijack the other ... :blush2: ... and I don't know how it ended up looking like you were the one who asked, lol.
This is a review board bob, we're allowed to discuss these things openly. :wink2:
If it makes you feel better, I've been banned from several review boards too. :-Cool/"
bobistheowl
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In the fonts forum, I'm usually asked by Private Message. My bad.
papasmerf
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