Ask bobistheowl!

[papasmerf]

Oh, and that wasn't me using an emoticon in #339. I just inserted my post between your pair of emoticons, and them chuckleheads are already laughing.

:SayWhat?:Hmmmmmm:no::-Cool/"

 

[User-E]

I need to be baked, to 'dial it down' this much... What are they putting in that pork, anyway? It ain't workin' for them; I can tell, from over here.

Somebody has to be funny around here. I see a lot of other guys just posting outtakes from Bennett HUBGFE's Book of Laughs, and adding an emoticon at the end, so people will know it was supposed to have been funny, in case they ask for that five seconds of their life back. The punsters are the worst. One of them makes a pun thread, and it's like the Pied Piper is leadin' 'em all along, like when little kids have to hold on to a rope on a field trip. I like to laugh, so half the time I just read my own posts.

You can understand what I write much better, if you read it aloud, in a different voice. That's why Madman get's it, and he don't get much, pardon my French.

Everyone on HUBGFE is special and funny in their own unique way. :wink2:

I must confess that I am half baked most of the time when posting here. :YMPARTY:

Be careful how you talk about bacon though. You can criticize just about anything and anybody, but bacon is off limits.

Oh, and that wasn't me using an emoticon in #339. I just inserted my post between your pair of emoticons, and them chuckleheads are already laughing.

I love it when you stick your post between my pair of emoticons. :blush2:

 

[bobistheowl]

Everyone on HUBGFE is special and funny in their own unique way. :wink2: I must confess that I am half baked most of the time when posting here. :YMPARTY: Be careful how you talk about bacon though. You can criticize just about anything and anybody, but bacon is off limits. I love it when you stick your post between my pair of emoticons. :blush2:

Everyone on HUBGFE is special and funny in their own unique way. :wink2:

That applies to the students who come to school on the regular buses, as well, but in the normal way.

Be careful how you talk about bacon though. You can criticize just about anything and anybody, but bacon is off limits.

Ummm.......what I said was pork. I didn't mention bacon. You all saw me lick the bacon beer mug on your monitors; I'm assuming all of your computers have the standard monodirectional monitoring feature as well, but some of you may be using more recent operating systems, where they've removed that function by changing one line of code in a .dll file in system32, one cab file was removed, as well as a .tmp file in Application Data. That's a hidden folder by default in Windows, and the main reason why most acquired malware hides in there, if it can't breach '32'. The short cut is in Start→Programs→Accessories→Accessibility. Anybody using Windows, check to see if you have it. They still have it on a MAC.

I love it when you stick your post between my pair of emoticons. :blush2:

The blue kid in the sailor's suit in #341 seems to want a piece of that, too, but he's barking up the wrong tree.

I always thought that applied only to a dog barking, but if 'barking up' is seen as a transitive verb, with tree as the object, it can also be interpreted as meaning that someone's sense of fashion does not correspond with either their personality or their intent, like, for example, if a guy was trying to get some civvie action at a Hallowe'en party, and his costume was a sheep, wearing billy boots.

In most, but not all trees, bark covers the 'naked' wood, providing protection against seasonal climactic change, and infestations.

And these guys ain't even takin' notes.

 

[User-E]

I love these 'ask questions' threads.

I've always had too many questions.

I must have driven my parents nuts when I was a kid.

It was appropriate to ask questions in school as long as we raised our hands and waited to be acknowledged.

I had a boss once who told me I asked too many questions.

Now I have places to ask all those questions that have been bottled up inside me for decades. /-Thumbs-up::/

 

[Esco!]

I just wanna know if you suffer from this disease

 

[bobistheowl]

I just wanna know if you suffer from this disease

I think someone clicked on beat cop. in #294, and has come to the conclusion that he can never unsee that image.

 

[bobistheowl]

You're just jealous because

1. I fill out my shorts better thank you ever could

2.

eat your heart out smurf!

If that's Becky with you in that photo, either she's wearing some serious heels, or you're waist high, to me.

 

[bobistheowl]

I do not believe the basis for this thread is to provide information or fact.

But rather to amuse.

While admittedly I find that if you need to explain the joke then it just is not funny.
I still open this thread and read

To All: Keep in mind that I use the premise that any statement with a question mark on the end was meant for me, and the reply is specifically to the person who asked the question. If you don't understand a reply directed to you, see the instructions to DeeDeeDD in #224 on page 12. If you don't understand a reply given to someone else, there's a good chance you were not meant to.

I disagree with papasmerf's statement "While admittedly I find that if you need to explain the joke then it just is not funny". I do not believe that a joke is intrinsically more funny if it's understood by the widest possible audience. If that were the case, Adam Sandler or Everybody Does Raymond would be the funniest guys alive.

Many of the funniest jokes are understood only by members of the Sagace Family, those who are astute. It's what's called an inside joke. In some cases, a man can be insulted to his face, for the benefit of those assembled in his midst, and he's none the wiser. Some of the funniest jokes are just like that. Plus small dick jokes.

 

[bobistheowl]

... PS - there is a pic of me lying naked in a candlelit tub somewhere here, but I can't remember which thread. :search2:

There's also a pic of papa and madman in the same tub, and I do remember the thread, but for the sake of humanity won't disclose it.

Two different tubs. One can easily tell, at 640 x 480 screen resolution. The window at upper right is different. If you just meant that papasmerf and Madman were together in a tub, yeah, I seen that one, and thank you for not posting the link.

 

[bobistheowl]

No need for permission But I do thank you.

BTW would you tell Kermit I have the side of Bacon he ordered?

I'm assuming you mean that fat blonde chick, with "the ears", that he bangs behind the missus' back. Why, are you her business manager, at this particular junction in time and space? Times must be tough, for both of youse, I can tell you that.

Why the fuck is you axin' me for? If I knewed where that green fuck was lammin', do you honestly think his dick would still be attached, and not in his mouth?

 

[bobistheowl]

...How did you get interested in fonts?

To be answered, when time permits. It would help me if you have Winrar installed.

 

[bobistheowl]

I read everything you write Bob, have no fear. Now if I can ask you a serious question.....how does one dispose of a lawn ornament that is no longer needed?

That depends. If he's a made lawn ornament, you would need a sit down first, but otherwise, just lull him into a sense of false security, and have a buddy take care of it with some piano wire, per usual. Them little people get disposed of all the time. Just be sure to pay cash for the lime, or use a hot credit card, wearing gloves, unless your prints have already been distorted with sulfuric acid since your last pinch.

 

[bobistheowl]

Do you know what is under these stacks??

You call those stacks? Three twenty dollar chips and a bunch of whites do not constitute stacks at this table, my friend, and if you mean that pocket knife you call a weapon, yeah, I seen it. Now call, raise, or fold.

 

[User-E]

Dear bob, what changes do you think review boards should make after Bill C-36 becomes law, if any?

 

[bobistheowl]

Dear bob, what changes do you think review boards should make after Bill C-36 becomes law, if any?

C-36 is a smoke screen. The only things that will change relate to street action and minors. The whole thing is designed to scare away the guys who are thinking about buying some professional ass, but they don't want to get both feet wet. There will be some public shamings of average guys who don't know the ropes, and the tabloid papers and TV stations will be tipped off as to the time of a scheduled raid at some body rub spot in Chinatown that only the locals know about.

What you need to understand is that Joy Smith and her ilk know nothing about the sex trade Industry, except for what they've read in The Globe and Mail, ads in a Sun paper, or some Geraldo Rivera exposé from the 80's. They think it's all disease ridden 'crackhoes', and little match girls who ran away from home, and met a friendly older man at the bus station, who kindly offered to take them in, for a piece.

The real intent of the legislation is to limit mens' extramarital sexual options. For married men, they don't want them to be able to have sex, when sex is being withheld. For single guys, they want them to marry any of the many ready, willing, and able large and not beautiful women who want to own a man of their own. That's what it all comes down to, when you take away the polish and shine. They just want to force guys to bang fat chicks.

From at least the last ice age, until the early 60's, larger women were the most prolific model. In neolithic times, food was scarce for much of the year, and a fattie could survive a long winter better than a skinny chick. She would also be much more likely to survive childbirth, with the wider pelvis, and be more likely to pop out more than her share, some of which would be her daughters, who would go on to do the same. You can fit a lot more milk in big tits, too, so her children were that much more likely to survive to reproductive age. All cave man porn is BBW stuff, like the Venus of Willendorf.

After the big one, (Double U Double U Two), they were in big demand. The only skinny girls in the 50's were movie stars or stringbeans; all the women who looked thin were wearing girdles. Big families were the norm, and guys who liked big tits married fat girls, because they had few other options, in that regard. This was before body enhancement, orthodontia, and flattering hair styles, so most everybody was a 4 or so, by modern scales.

The Feds just naturally assumed that this trend would continue indefinitely, so they created the CPP and Old Age Pension around '65, '66, with everyone already working getting credit for benefits they didn't pay for themselves. All 'guaranteed amount' pensions favour those who get in first, just like an Amway, or Mary Kay franchise in its pyramid structure, or like a chain letter, for money. The youngest pay for the oldest. When the oldest die off, everyone moves up a level. As long as the base is wide and the top is small, it works.

Unfortunately, people stopped having huge families around the same time, and we had a lot fewer war casualties. The huge group born in '46 -'64 mostly stayed alive longer, and the top is now too big to be supported by the bottom. To compensate, the immigration policy was changed, to give preference to applicants from regions with higher live birth rates.

Once upon a time, the only way a guy could see tits was to read National Geographic, H & E, or date a girl who went to at least second base. The strippers wore tassles on their nipples, because that was the law. Guys would get married, just to see tits. Then comes Playboy and the pill, and everything changed, gradually. Guys could see what nice tits looked like, and they pined for better than what Cindy Lou down the block had. They started making attractive glasses frames for girls around that time, too. With the pill, guys could get laid, and not have to buy the cow, so they delayed marriage, or dispensed with it entirely, because they could. In the late sixties, a guy just had to hold his hand up with two fingers spread apart, as if he was ordering a couple of drafts, and two chicks would be sucking on his cock before the joint came back.

The larger woman has an advantage for procreational sex, but those same advantages are disadvantageous for recreational sex. Fat equals fertile, more often than not, which is not what a guy wants, if he just wants to sample the goods.

Let's face it: about 30% of guys marry the person they want to bear their children. That's often an ultimatum to which he surrenders, in order to keep getting it. That takes a large percentage of the desirable group out of the game, like one of those bench clearing brawls in Original Six hockey, when guys would be sitting on each other in the penalty box. Of the other 70%, about 10% aren't interested in doing chicks, and about two-thirds of the guys left over are only interested in one-third of the women who are available. The less popular, but most abundant female sub demographic group gets the shaft, ironically, because they don't. A lot of guys are into banging larger ladies, but most of them don't want to do the same one twice. These are the stats guys, who dutifully record and document each conquest, formerly with a notch carved in the bedpost, currently with colour coded Excel spread sheets. As things currently sit, the collective unemployment rate of the uteri of our largest and least pretty ladies is higher than most Indian reservations that don't have casinos.

So, C-36 is just a way to try to scare guys into marrying horny fat chicks. That's all.

 

[oldguyzer]

So, C-36 is just a way to try to scare guys into marrying horny fat chicks. That's all.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals! :biggrin2:

 

[User-E]

So, C-36 is just a way to try to scare guys into marrying horny fat chicks. That's all.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals! :biggrin2:

The other day I was wondering if Canadian men would start to take dating more seriously again, if pay for play becomes illegal.

 

[oldguyzer]

The other day I was wondering if Canadian men would start to take dating more seriously again, if pay for play becomes illegal.

Yes, we will, but "dating" girls we can pay to leave after we're done :biggrin2:

 

[User-E]

Yes, we will, but "dating" girls we can pay to leave after we're done :biggrin2:

Add that to the list of tips in the "How not to break the law while seeking companionship from sexy women" article we're going to write.

 

[Raiden]

I have a question, is it better to knock knock or just open the door and walk in?