Just bad jokes thread.

[Denzel]

 

[Betthehouse]

 

[Betthehouse]

 

[Sticky]

A man and his wife are having sex when they hear a noise at the door. They look and it's their son little Timmy who's walked in on them. Timmy is shocked and runs off. The husband turns to his wife and says "I'll go talk to Timmy." He goes down the hall to Timmy's room and opens the door and sees Timmy giving it to Grandma hard and fast.

Now it's the father's turn to look shocked. Timmy turns to him and says "not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

 

[Gangsta]

This is one mean ass thread. Those with low blood pressure, stay away.

 

[HOF]

If blissful reads this thread, you guys are gonna be in really big trouble.

 

[Trolling]

Best part of a blow job?.





















The bitch stops talking.

 

[Shallow]

CONDOM HISTORY
Interesting piece of history!

In 1272, the Arabic Islamic Muslims invented
the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea
by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

.

 

[HOF]

​

 

[Butch]

Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?


God gave him his gas bill.

 

[HOF]

:no:

 

[tboy]

Why do black people only have nightmares?











because the last one who had a dream got shot......

 

[-b]

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun. The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, You're a surgeon, aren't you? Yeah, how did you know? The man says, I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started. Oh, that makes sense, says the woman. Youre an anesthesiologist aren't you? Yeah, says the man, a bit surprised. How did you know? The woman answers, Because I didn't feel a thing.

 

[-b]

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

 

[-b]

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around. '"

 

[-b]

[h=2]Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman[/h]
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee when one of the Catholic men tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh - My - God."

 

[-b]

[h=2]Step Back, I Know First-Aid[/h] When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. "Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first-aid!"

The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."

 

[-b]

[h=2]The Difference Between Small Breasts and Large Breasts[/h] [h=2]Women with big breasts…[/h]

• ..can get a taxi on the worst days
• ..have a neat place to carry spare change
• ..have always been the centre of the arts
• ..make jogging a spectator sport
• ..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
• ..usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
• ..always float better
• ..know where to look first for lost earrings
• ..rarely lack for a slow dance partner
• ..have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner

[h=2]Women with small breasts…[/h]

• ..don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
• ..always look younger
• ..find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
• ..can always see their toes and shoes
• ..can sleep on their stomachs
• ..have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
• ..know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
• ..can come late to a theatre and not disrupt an entire aisle
• ..can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out.

 

[-b]

[h=2]A woman's revenge .. the drink ..[/h] A girl and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's the girl's turn to buy around, she tells him that
she's heard of a wonderful new drink he simply must try.

She returns with the usual half of lager for herself. For him, she has two glasses.
One contains a measure of Bailey's, the other lime juice.

Instructions: "OK, what you gotta do is, you gotta swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth,
and then drink the lime juice." He looks a bit dubious, but she's very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go.

First the Bailey's; lovely smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth.
Then he takes the lime juice.

T + 0.1 secs: The cream in the Bailey's curdles.

T + 0.3 secs: Boyfriend's face turns the color of fresh lime juice.

T + 0.6 secs: Boyfriend calms his stomach and swallows the gunge.

T + 1.5 secs: She whispers in his ear....

"It's called Blowjob revenge"

 

[-b]

[h=2]PINCH MY NIPPLES!![/h] A woman tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk explains that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on 'special'.

Suddenly, the lady throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming! "Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples!!"

The befuddled clerk runs away to get the store manager. The manager goes to the lady and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"

She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the lady throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples!!

By now a huge crowd has gathered! In shock, the manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?

In a huff, the woman says, "Because, I Like To Have My Nipples Pinched When I'm Getting Screwed!"