Who is married

[Bill The Pirate]

The world changes, baz.

Used to be women vowed to love and obey, but somewhere in the last 50 years or so, we recognized how archaic that wording really was. Problem is the vows you refer to come from an Anglo tradition, framed in the centuries-old language of King James. They reflect those social norms, that culture, that era, institutionalized and carried down throughout generations.

Native American Indians promised to shelter each other from rain and to provide each other warmth from the cold, not to love and obey till death do them part. Different culture, different norms, different words.

Vows are merely that, just words. However phrased, their importance is symbolic, just as is the rite of marriage itself, two people declaring their love publicly and celebrating it with friends and family.

Till death do us part?

In ancient times, life expectancy might be 30 years, maybe 40. In the past century or so it has increased considerably. Life expectancy of marriage in ancient days might have been 10-15 years.

A lot has changed in this world, much of it in our own lifetime. We age longer, marriages end sooner (after five or just two years, as tboy notes), men marry men, women wed women, and thankfully there isn't the same pressure on young people to marry just so they can have sex or just because they already did have sex.

Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, baz, but you err greatly in thinking that love and sex must be yoked in similar cliché.

In the case Blissful notes, perhaps occasional sex with an escort helps the husband keep his marriage intact. Perhaps the companionship, the sense of family, the friends in common makes the marriage far too important to throw away just because his partner can no longer indulge in sex. Perhaps he still manages "to love and cherish till death do us part."

As to your final point, "if one is a believer of the faith then one must take the good and then accept the bad," it's irrelevant whether one is a believer or not, or whether it's your faith or not. But yes, ultimately we all have to deal with the good and the bad.

If the bad outweighs the good, marriages may end, and members here may swear they'll never marry again.

If the good outweighs the bad, other members here may have reason for remaining married yet indulging in sex with escorts, no guilt or strings attached as would be the case in a "fling" with a civilian.

That's simply the way it is, baz.

We are products of our culture. Some of us follow past tradition without thinking, some of us put blind faith in religion, some of us refuse to contemplate other points of view. But some of us are open minded, are willing to accept others as they are, and don't feel the need to preach at them, convert them or "help" them as your avatar proudly proclaims.

No matter how open we might be to contemplating your point of view, I suspect no amount of patronizing, moralizing or sermonizing is going to change this quirky little underworld to suit your taste.

very well put

 

[RAWD]

But you'd see a masseuse if you had a sore neck right? especially if Ida's arthritis was to the point where she couldn't offer you any release from your neck pain. Once again you confuse love for something that it isn't.

What I don't get about you is what is how you think you are in a position to judge anyone else.

Shit happens, and if your partner cannot fulfill your needs for whatever reason then "outsourcing" sex is a viable proposition. Sex is just one part (and arguably small part) of the big picture.

What I have difficulty with (and I speak from personal experience) is when that void in your life goes beyond just sex. When guys go looking for love, friendship, companionship, etc in the hobby, that's going into the red zone. That's the "big stuff" in a serious relationship. If that emotional/fluffy stuff isn't working in a marriage, it's time to rethink. I think a LOT of hobbyists fall into this zone, some deeper than others.

I've reached a point where I don't believe what I would want from it is even possible.

I understand this, but I also believe you're still in a place of hurt. It also doesn't help that you hang around cheating bastards like us...

 

[tboy]

I don't think that sg is still in a place of hurt, or it isn't conditional in the way you're using it rawd. I personally wouldn't ever want to get married because frankly, I don't want to automatically give up half of everything I earn, have earned, saved, own, and might own......and we ALL know that's what will happen the very second you say "I do".......

And don't even bother with pre-nupts, the courts are overturning them left right and center so they're basically worthless...all you'll do is piss her off for bringing it up lol.....

 

[jumpingjackflash]

Tboy, you're fine if she's worth more than you and makes the same or more. You might actually gain.:wink2:

 

[Art Mann]

....It also doesn't help that you hang around cheating bastards like us...

Speak for yourself, pal.

Just for the record, SillyGirl, we're not all bastards.

 

[SillyGirl]

Speak for yourself, pal.

Just for the record, SillyGirl, we're not all bastards.

Never thought you all were.

I understand this, but I also believe you're still in a place of hurt.

I believe I learned from the experience. After having been engulfed in flame, only a moron would jump back into a fire.

 

[Jesus Quintana]

Speak for yourself, pal.
Just for the record, SillyGirl, we're not all bastards.

I AM!!!!

 

[tboy]

I believe I learned from the experience. After having been engulfed in flame, only a moron would jump back into a fire.

hahahah then i guess there are a lot of female morons out there, seems many just keep going after the same losers time and time again......I just point and laugh at the women who go after mr flirty/popular then complain because, ahem, he's flirty and popular!!!! DOH

 

[tboy]

When a marriage partner stops having and instigating sex, he/she is also breaking the marriage vows.

I dunno about that, I've been to a lot of weddings and never once heard any that included: and I vow to fuck his brains out three times a week etc.

If you go back to christianity (where many weddings take place) sex is really only supposed to be for procreation, not recreation......so according to the church, couples are only supposed to fornicate when they want to have another kid......

 

[Madman]

I was bit once by a marriage license and it will never happen again.

One is at the mercy of the courts and the lawyers who play the couple like a fine tuned violin.

 

[Bill The Pirate]

I dunno about that, I've been to a lot of weddings and never once heard any that included: and I vow to fuck his brains out three times a week etc.

If you go back to christianity (where many weddings take place) sex is really only supposed to be for procreation, not recreation......so according to the church, couples are only supposed to fornicate when they want to have another kid......

from myweddingvows.com.
the very first sample from traditional christian wedding vows :

Groom
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God's guidance by His spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

Bride
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. _____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

The bride....in Blissfuls scenario has broken these vows

 

[tboy]

I think any woman who hears in a guy's vows "love honor and obey" automatically can't help but think: omfg, he just promised to OBEY me...woohooo.....no more dishes for me! lol

 

[peace]

,,,and I am entitled to half of his $$$ (just kidding.....)

 

[Blank_Dave]

Dave, why is it that you have never dated? Is it for lack of trying or do you find you have a hard time approaching women and starting a conversation in person? You seem well spoken on the board although you have a propensity to constantly put yourself down which I believe most ladies would not find this attractive in a conversation. You seem to enjoy working out and what not, why not apply some of that energy in finding your sole mate. I really believe she's out there and I think you would be a much happier individual if you had someone to share your hobbies with you. I'm not judging you as I'm sure I will be accused of, I'm merely stating a plausible option but the choice is yours.

Please select the excuse(s) you feel most appropriate

• I'm too shy
• I'm too risk adverse. Dating entails a certain amount of rrisk
• I do not wish to be used and abused. Most people don't want me for me, but for what I can do for them.
• I'm an outcast. I've never really fit in with any cliq.
• I cannot be the partner they deserve.
• I cannot be emotionally there with them.
• I have the predisposition to be verbally and emotionally abusive.
• Im unemotional and disconnected.
• I'm doing it for her. I'm saving her from the pain of me.
• I'm afraid.

 

[HOF]

Hey bazerko, fuck you!​

 

[Baz]

Dave, I really do feel bad for you. You seem to be in an emotional turmoil that will eat away at you as you age. Perhaps a few self improvement classes for the mind and soul, You need to exercises your spiritual being as you do your body. Please do not take what I have said as an insult but more as friendly and constructive advice.

Hof you on the other hand, please take this as an insult. You're an idiot and deserve to be locked up in a mental facility that caters in inbred Neanderthals.

 

[Blank_Dave]

Dave, I really do feel bad for you. You seem to be in an emotional turmoil that will eat away at you as you age. Perhaps a few self improvement classes for the mind and soul, You need to exercises your spiritual being as you do your body. Please do not take what I have said as an insult but more as friendly and constructive advice

I fail to see where I am in error though. Maybe you would care to point it out to me.

And are you suggesting I under go an exorcism. Look, I know I'm loopy, but I'm not crab walking down stairs with my head on backwards and speaking yiddish.

 

[tboy]

dave, he said exercise, not exercism lol.....as in "exercise your soul as well as your body" lol.......

 

[Madman]

Wow, I just spooked myself, reminds me of my ex on the rag!

 

[-b]

Wow, I just spooked myself, reminds me of my ex on the rag!

You turned you wife into this OMG....

Dave, life sucks, when you feel it is right you will deal with the issue...Afraid, we
do feel that emotion....I am afraid...of my future...how to pick up a woman...etc
but I still go out and enjoy life.....Fear is what keeps you from not doing things you
want too....You need to question each fear and decide if it is a valid fear.....:wink2: