Who is married

[Baz]

Hof again your mind works in perverted ways. In your case I agree with you on your stance on marriage but not for the same reasons you give. My reason is for the protection of any woman that would have to put up with having a husband with a mind that believes women are here simply for your pleasure. Linda is a good soul, perhaps a bit lost wasting time here but she has a very good heart. There are some people here one can have an intelligent debate with, people like Anabelle, Tboy, a 1, even Blissful and believe it or not to some extent I find Sillygirl and Art mann although hostile towards me quite intelligent. Others like Hof, Guido etc I find to be immature children who really should go back to school and learn some manners.

Now back to the topic of this thread. Blissful mentioned if a partner can no longer give of themselves in the bedroom. In a case like this I can too some extent sympathize with the still able spouse. Everyone wants to feel the human touch but in any marriage there was a vow and the was to love and cherish till death due us part. If one is a believer of the faith then one must take the good and then accept the bad if we lay claim to being the superior species.

 

[tboy]

I have to agree with Baz on this one: in any marriage there was a vow and the was to love and cherish till death due us part

I can't believe how many people get up in front of a large group of people, say those words then 2 yrs later pfffft........There was a period in the 80's where I went to about 15 weddings, not one of them made it past 5 yrs, most not more than 2. Sorry, this is one reason I never got married, there was no one I had found that I could honestly say that I was sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I think if the courts actually enforced people to abide by their sworn vows there'd be a lot less marriages, and therefore a lot less divorces.

 

[LickingGravity]

There was a period in the 80's where I went to about 15 weddings, not one of them made it past 5 yrs, most not more than 2..

Word to the wise: don't invite tboy to your wedding, he's a curse :biggrin2:.

While I was married for longer than any of you before she passed, I was lucky. Very lucky. The two things I have learned is 1) to not impose your own values on other people and 2) things change over a lifetime so its just dumb to talk in absolutes.

 

[SillyGirl]

I think if the courts actually enforced people to abide by their sworn vows there'd be a lot less marriages, and therefore a lot less divorces.

But the homicide rate would go up dramatically!

I actually agree with a lot of what Baz and Tboy said about marriage...that's why I won't marry again. I've reached a point where I don't believe what I would want from it is even possible.

 

[Madman]

OMG, if the courts imposed til death do us part I would be sitting in jail right now!

 

[Bill The Pirate]

Everyone wants to feel the human touch but in any marriage there was a vow and the was to love and cherish till death due us part. If one is a believer of the faith then one must take the good and then accept the bad if we lay claim to being the superior species.

But you'd see a masseuse if you had a sore neck right? especially if Ida's arthritis was to the point where she couldn't offer you any release from your neck pain. Once again you confuse love for something that it isn't.

What I don't get about you is what is how you think you are in a position to judge anyone else.

 

[peace]

UHmmm ....I m not an expert on this issue as I have never been married. Yet when I think of marriage, it is supposed to be about 2 people loving, working and compromising with each other but how is that possible when this world we live in is all about instant gratification and "me me".

 

[-b]

I think the "Death do us part" was not written for this day and age....
20 years is a life time, before and women would die at child birth.
I know I read somewhere about a Country that was letting people have
a 2 or 5 year marriage, the couple can extend it if they want....

 

[Guido]

Others like Hof, Guido etc I find to be immature children who really should go back to school and learn some manners.

Oh no, now I'm going to lose sleep all night because Bozo doesn't like me! :Crying2:

Hof, I think we should take him out and see if we could change his mind!!:spiteful:

 

[Art Mann]

. . . Now back to the topic of this thread. Blissful mentioned if a partner can no longer give of themselves in the bedroom. In a case like this I can too some extent sympathize with the still able spouse. Everyone wants to feel the human touch but in any marriage there was a vow and the was to love and cherish till death due us part. . . .

The world changes, baz.

Used to be women vowed to love and obey, but somewhere in the last 50 years or so, we recognized how archaic that wording really was. Problem is the vows you refer to come from an Anglo tradition, framed in the centuries-old language of King James. They reflect those social norms, that culture, that era, institutionalized and carried down throughout generations.

Native American Indians promised to shelter each other from rain and to provide each other warmth from the cold, not to love and obey till death do them part. Different culture, different norms, different words.

Vows are merely that, just words. However phrased, their importance is symbolic, just as is the rite of marriage itself, two people declaring their love publicly and celebrating it with friends and family.

Till death do us part?

In ancient times, life expectancy might be 30 years, maybe 40. In the past century or so it has increased considerably. Life expectancy of marriage in ancient days might have been 10-15 years.

A lot has changed in this world, much of it in our own lifetime. We age longer, marriages end sooner (after five or just two years, as tboy notes), men marry men, women wed women, and thankfully there isn't the same pressure on young people to marry just so they can have sex or just because they already did have sex.

Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, baz, but you err greatly in thinking that love and sex must be yoked in similar cliché.

In the case Blissful notes, perhaps occasional sex with an escort helps the husband keep his marriage intact. Perhaps the companionship, the sense of family, the friends in common makes the marriage far too important to throw away just because his partner can no longer indulge in sex. Perhaps he still manages "to love and cherish till death do us part."

As to your final point, "if one is a believer of the faith then one must take the good and then accept the bad," it's irrelevant whether one is a believer or not, or whether it's your faith or not. But yes, ultimately we all have to deal with the good and the bad.

If the bad outweighs the good, marriages may end, and members here may swear they'll never marry again.

If the good outweighs the bad, other members here may have reason for remaining married yet indulging in sex with escorts, no guilt or strings attached as would be the case in a "fling" with a civilian.

That's simply the way it is, baz.

We are products of our culture. Some of us follow past tradition without thinking, some of us put blind faith in religion, some of us refuse to contemplate other points of view. But some of us are open minded, are willing to accept others as they are, and don't feel the need to preach at them, convert them or "help" them as your avatar proudly proclaims.

No matter how open we might be to contemplating your point of view, I suspect no amount of patronizing, moralizing or sermonizing is going to change this quirky little underworld to suit your taste.

 

[thesun]

Oh no, now I'm going to lose sleep all night because Bozo doesn't like me! :Crying2:

Hof, I think we should take him out and see if we could change his mind!!:spiteful:

Bazerko,
You come across as an intelligent articulative person. You have also managed to come up with interesting perspectives on various topics. However, please do not "cry me a river" when one attacks you. There is nothing wrong with an intelligent debate but once you name-call someone, you leave yourself open to ridicules and attacks from others.

 

[tboy]

I think the "Death do us part" was not written for this day and age....
20 years is a life time, before and women would die at child birth.
I know I read somewhere about a Country that was letting people have
a 2 or 5 year marriage, the couple can extend it if they want....

then why include it in wedding vows? THat's what gets me about all these people who are getting married then split and they included that statement in their vows....beats the hell outta me.

Skiierman: How can baz judge us? Well, everyone here judges people against their own set of values almost on a daily basis so why should he be any different? I mean, just look at how many here judge any video on the police without knowing the full story?

LG: As for inviting me to a wedding, no shit lol.....same as girlfriend's fathers......3 of them died while I was dating them.....

 

[-b]

then why include it in wedding vows? THat's what gets me about all these people who are getting married then split and they included that statement in their vows....beats the hell outta me.

It is changing people are writing their own vows..
Like anything that is in grain into people, change is slow....

 

[IFUSEEKAMY]

When a marriage partner stops having and instigating sex, he/she is also breaking the marriage vows.

 

[Reverse]

A sexless relationship is not possible if one of the parties is healthy and still longs for intimacy. The person will naturally stray, some will stay some will split up but the straying is always a constant.

 

[Blank_Dave]

Not married. How could I be, I've never dated or been in any kind of relationship. And honestly, I don't see that changing.

Really, it's for the best, as I'm more than well primed for an abusive relationship.

 

[Baz]

Dave, why is it that you have never dated? Is it for lack of trying or do you find you have a hard time approaching women and starting a conversation in person? You seem well spoken on the board although you have a propensity to constantly put yourself down which I believe most ladies would not find this attractive in a conversation. You seem to enjoy working out and what not, why not apply some of that energy in finding your sole mate. I really believe she's out there and I think you would be a much happier individual if you had someone to share your hobbies with you. I'm not judging you as I'm sure I will be accused of, I'm merely stating a plausible option but the choice is yours.

 

[Maurice Boscorelli]

Dave, why is it that you have never dated? Is it for lack of trying or do you find you have a hard time approaching women and starting a conversation in person? You seem well spoken on the board although you have a propensity to constantly put yourself down which I believe most ladies would not find this attractive in a conversation. You seem to enjoy working out and what not, why not apply some of that energy in finding your sole mate. I really believe she's out there and I think you would be a much happier individual if you had someone to share your hobbies with you. I'm not judging you as I'm sure I will be accused of, I'm merely stating a plausible option but the choice is yours.

You mean this like hobby,lol..?

 

[Art Mann]

Dave, why is it that you have never dated? ....
You seem to enjoy working out and what not, why not apply some of that energy in finding your sole mate. ...

I think this is what baz is trying to sell you, Dave. But you don't have to buy it from him, you can order online:




Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life

Many people spend years waiting for an ideal partner—a "soul mate" to make them feel happy and complete. Others settle for unfulfilling relationships out of a deep–seated fear of being alone.

In Solemate, Lauren Mackler provides a groundbreaking road map for achieving mastery of your own life so you can experience a sense of wholeness and well-being whether you're on your own or in a relationship. It's about becoming the person you were meant to be, treating yourself well, and shedding the old beliefs and behaviors that limit your ability to realize your greatest potential.

 

[Art Mann]

Of course, maybe he just wanted to sock it to you:






Where did my other sock go?
Checked the dryer but I don't know
Where he went, without its pair today
Reminiscing back to the start
On a foot now we're feet apart
So lost and cold with no Sole Mate