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Teehee
- Thread starter dirtyman
- Start date
:wink2:
Guy goes in to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm feeling kind of run down. Just don't have any energy, no get-up-and-go."
The doc gives him an exam, and finds nothing particularly noteworthy.
So, he starts asking about his lifestyle and diet. "What did you have for breakfast this morning?"
The man replied, "Billiard balls, just like every morning."
"Billiard balls! What kind?"
"Well, this morning, I had a red one, a purple one, and a blue stripe. I also like the yellows, the oranges, and sometimes the black one, when I'm in the mood."
The doc smiles, and says, "I think I know what the problem is."
"What, doctor?"
"You're not getting enough greens."
Guy goes in to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm feeling kind of run down. Just don't have any energy, no get-up-and-go."
The doc gives him an exam, and finds nothing particularly noteworthy.
So, he starts asking about his lifestyle and diet. "What did you have for breakfast this morning?"
The man replied, "Billiard balls, just like every morning."
"Billiard balls! What kind?"
"Well, this morning, I had a red one, a purple one, and a blue stripe. I also like the yellows, the oranges, and sometimes the black one, when I'm in the mood."
The doc smiles, and says, "I think I know what the problem is."
"What, doctor?"
"You're not getting enough greens."
The bell ringer at the cathedral had retired after many years of service, so the priest placed an ad in the paper for a new bell ringer. The next day, a man came to apply for the job, but the priest couldn't help noticing that he had no arms.
"How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?" he asked. "Let me show you, the man replied."
So they trudged up the many stair to the bell tower. The man stood against the wall, got a running start and ran at full speed toward the largest bell. When he struck the bell with his face, it made the most beautiful sound that the priest had ever heard.
Then the man ran at another bell and with the first bell still resonating, the harmony was magnificent. He ran again at a third bell, but this time he slipped and instead of hitting the bell he skidded out the window and fell to his death on the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside, where a crowd had formed around the dead man's body. "Who is this?" the crowd asked. The priest replied, "Well, I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
...fast forward....
About a week later, another man came to see the priest. He looked just like the first man, including the fact that he had no arms.
"I understand that my twin brother was here last week and met an unfortunate demise," the man said. "It was always his ambition to be a bell ringer at a great cathedral, and I appreciate you giving him a chance."
"Since he was unable to fulfill his lifetime goal, I insist that you let me have the job in his honor," said the man.
"Well," said the priest, "You can try if you wish, but I must warn you it's very dangerous. That's how your brother died."
But the man insisted, and they went up to the bell tower. This time, the armless man was able to ring five of the bells and the resulting melody enchanted everyone who heard it. But as he was attempting the sixth bell, he too slipped and fell to his death.
Again, the priest rushed downstairs, and again the crowd asked, "Who is this man?"
This time, the priest replied,
"He never told me his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
"How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?" he asked. "Let me show you, the man replied."
So they trudged up the many stair to the bell tower. The man stood against the wall, got a running start and ran at full speed toward the largest bell. When he struck the bell with his face, it made the most beautiful sound that the priest had ever heard.
Then the man ran at another bell and with the first bell still resonating, the harmony was magnificent. He ran again at a third bell, but this time he slipped and instead of hitting the bell he skidded out the window and fell to his death on the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside, where a crowd had formed around the dead man's body. "Who is this?" the crowd asked. The priest replied, "Well, I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
...fast forward....
About a week later, another man came to see the priest. He looked just like the first man, including the fact that he had no arms.
"I understand that my twin brother was here last week and met an unfortunate demise," the man said. "It was always his ambition to be a bell ringer at a great cathedral, and I appreciate you giving him a chance."
"Since he was unable to fulfill his lifetime goal, I insist that you let me have the job in his honor," said the man.
"Well," said the priest, "You can try if you wish, but I must warn you it's very dangerous. That's how your brother died."
But the man insisted, and they went up to the bell tower. This time, the armless man was able to ring five of the bells and the resulting melody enchanted everyone who heard it. But as he was attempting the sixth bell, he too slipped and fell to his death.
Again, the priest rushed downstairs, and again the crowd asked, "Who is this man?"
This time, the priest replied,
"He never told me his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
A traveler was headed down a lonely road when it began to rain. Luckily he happened upon a monastery just off the side of the road. He knocked on the door and was greeted by one of the monks. He asked if he could stay the night, to which the monk replied that their order would gladly shelter him, as long as he stayed out of the tower with no doors.
As he settled down for the night he suddenly heard an ungodly noise coming from the tower the monk mentioned, a cross between screaming and the wind on aluminum foil. Then suddenly it stopped and he soon fell asleep. He awoke refreshed and asked one of the monks about the sound, but the monk replied that only monks of their monastery may know what is in the tower.
He thanked the monks for their hospitality and went on his way. About a year later he returned to the monastery and asked about becoming a monk. The head monk replied that if he would aid the monastery in small ways they would consider him. So for the next five years he helped tend the gardens, clean the windows, and learn of the monks' religion. He even once helped them recover a holy relic to be housed in the monastery.
Eventually the head monk told the traveler he was ready to become a monk and initiated him. The monks recited a prayer for such an occasion and provided him with a robe of their brotherhood, and the head monk said it was time to see what was in the tower. The head monk led the new initiate down into the catacombs, deeper and deeper until the head monk found and pressed a loose brick. This opened a secret passage leading to a spiral stair.
Up, up they went. Their legs grew tired until the head monk opened a trap door leading to a room surrounded with ivy covered trellises. They were inside the tower now. The head monk opened a door leading to another spiral staircase leading to the room at the very top of the tower.
The head monk pulled out a key and unlocked the wooden door, pulling it aside to reveal a rusty iron door. The door clattered as the head monk pulled it open, and behind it was a titanium door. The head monk pressed a six digit PIN on a panel on the door and it slid open.
The room was at first too dark to see anything. The head monk flipped a switch and a dim light bulb flickered on. Finally the traveler saw with his own eyes the source of that mysterious sound which he had spent all those years laboring to discover.
Click for answer:
As he settled down for the night he suddenly heard an ungodly noise coming from the tower the monk mentioned, a cross between screaming and the wind on aluminum foil. Then suddenly it stopped and he soon fell asleep. He awoke refreshed and asked one of the monks about the sound, but the monk replied that only monks of their monastery may know what is in the tower.
He thanked the monks for their hospitality and went on his way. About a year later he returned to the monastery and asked about becoming a monk. The head monk replied that if he would aid the monastery in small ways they would consider him. So for the next five years he helped tend the gardens, clean the windows, and learn of the monks' religion. He even once helped them recover a holy relic to be housed in the monastery.
Eventually the head monk told the traveler he was ready to become a monk and initiated him. The monks recited a prayer for such an occasion and provided him with a robe of their brotherhood, and the head monk said it was time to see what was in the tower. The head monk led the new initiate down into the catacombs, deeper and deeper until the head monk found and pressed a loose brick. This opened a secret passage leading to a spiral stair.
Up, up they went. Their legs grew tired until the head monk opened a trap door leading to a room surrounded with ivy covered trellises. They were inside the tower now. The head monk opened a door leading to another spiral staircase leading to the room at the very top of the tower.
The head monk pulled out a key and unlocked the wooden door, pulling it aside to reveal a rusty iron door. The door clattered as the head monk pulled it open, and behind it was a titanium door. The head monk pressed a six digit PIN on a panel on the door and it slid open.
The room was at first too dark to see anything. The head monk flipped a switch and a dim light bulb flickered on. Finally the traveler saw with his own eyes the source of that mysterious sound which he had spent all those years laboring to discover.
Click for answer:
U
User-E
Guest
Transient said:Click for answer:
I'm afraid to click :gasp:
Is it scary?
ConquerorRyan
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2013
- Messages
- 495
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data
Data
A
Al Bumin
Guest
Capo said:
:SayWhat?:
Pussy_Eater
Senior Member
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2013
- Messages
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D
DannyDeVito
Guest
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
ConquerorRyan
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2013
- Messages
- 495
10 Jokes That Are So Bad... They're Good
10 Jokes That Are So Bad... They're Good
1. I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I can see myself doing!
2. What is it called when Batman leaves church early? Christian Bale haha
3. At my sister's high school graduation, this one kid threw his cap in the air a little too early. My dad turns to me and says, "Oops, looks like premature escapulation"
4. My grandpa has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo
5. Three guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do? Throw 1 cigarette ovecommunity, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
6. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine
7. If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit. They are usually about 90 degrees!!
8. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1
9. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback
10. Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar? They each got 6 months lol
10 Jokes That Are So Bad... They're Good
1. I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I can see myself doing!
2. What is it called when Batman leaves church early? Christian Bale haha
3. At my sister's high school graduation, this one kid threw his cap in the air a little too early. My dad turns to me and says, "Oops, looks like premature escapulation"
4. My grandpa has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo
5. Three guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do? Throw 1 cigarette ovecommunity, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
6. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine
7. If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a bit. They are usually about 90 degrees!!
8. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1
9. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback
10. Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar? They each got 6 months lol
EACE:
A
Art Mann
Guest
Word of GOD
GOD said:
P
Prick
Guest
Don't quit your day job.
